M.O.M. Entry Two

Greetings! The Unleashed One here, back with another journal entry.

The pictures above are old pictures, most were taken within my first few years of being in New Jersey. The one in the center was taken during a visit to MS where this photographer was offering a photo package at a discounted rate. As you all know, I don't look like that now.

This episode of Misconception On Monica (M.O.M.) is not going to be a rehash of the Highway to Healthy but will shed some spotlight on some of the views and behaviors of others since being at this smaller size.

Note: This is coming from an observatory place, not in a place where I'm trying to call out or induce shame ... if any of these observations hit home. If anything, it's to provide awareness and clarity.

MOM #2: Now that I am no longer seen or classified as plus size, I now look down on those who are or try to push the gym down their throats.

This is highly laughable to me.

 

If you will allow me to detour and take you on a trip down memory lane ... I promise this has a purpose.

I was allergic to physical activity. Allergic in the sense is that I would try to avoid it or do the bare minimum. I loved anything that stimulated my mind. Any activity that would serve to de-stress.

When it came to anything involving exercise, gym, physical education ... whatever you want to call it ... in my world, that wasn't it. Legit, that setting was one of the few (if not only places) where I did the bare minimum as opposed to going above and beyond. I disliked the discomfort in the team arena, especially during the years when my body was going through changes. Like, who wants to do any type of jumping when you had breasts that went beyond the training bra stage? On top of that, I hated that feeling of being extra sweaty.

I battled with insecurity about my appearance for most of my life. However, that wasn't enough of a needle to sway me in the direction of having to do something about my appearance that would involve movement.

As someone who was brought up on Southern cooking/soul food, I was that person who liked what I liked, and if I even heard that it was made another way or had ingredients in it I wasn't familiar with, just apply that aforementioned gif.

Now ... on with the present.

What I have realized ... and I'm speaking for ME ... is that even when one loses weight, there are remnants of the heavier individual still in there.

It manifests in different ways, and one of the main ways is how I see heavier individuals that are in the gym.

I still feel solidarity with them because I still remember how intimidating going to the gym can be.

When I made my first attempt back in 2013, I was absolutely petrified. There were so many thoughts going on in my head that I almost got back in the car and drove away.

I admit, that scene from Carrie where the pig's blood was dumped on her and Carrie hearing her mother saying "They're all going to laugh at you" played in my head initially. I thought of all of those fit people staring at me as if I didn't belong.

To my relief, I didn't experience that when I first joined back in 2013. Other events (which I addressed in previous entries) put me on hiatus not too long after I joined. It was because I had a positive experience that one of the first things I did when embarking on my Highway to Healthy was to go back to the gym.

The key to sticking to any activity is enjoyment. 

It takes more than motivation.

It takes more than willpower.

It takes more than discipline.

You have to like what you're doing. Otherwise, it won't stick.

The shift in my mentality involving physical activity is finding something in it that I enjoyed.

On my first stint in the gym, I discovered that I liked certain weight machines and walking on the treadmill. I knew that once I returned to the gym, those machines I wanted to continue using.

Upon my return, I made the decision to branch out to find out if there were other machines and types of cardio I enjoyed doing. Some discoveries led me to swap out machines for others while other findings led me to incorporate them on a rotation or on a more frequent basis. Yet, even in the experimentation, I found enjoyment.

Just because I like the gym does not mean I've become a Gym Disciple, spreading the gospel of all who I encounter.

If a person is inspired by what I'm doing, that is an honor, but I'm not one to say, "You have to do what I'm doing."

First off, I'm not a doctor ... I don't know what one's physical limitations are. Secondly, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if I say it, the question is: Do you want to do it? Is it something you will enjoy? Do you realize that becoming active isn't a fad or phase but a lifestyle change? If you can answer yes to all those, that represents readiness.

How you get there isn't dictated by me, and I would never look down on anyone, regardless of if you decide to take steps to lose weight or decides you're not ready.

I have gone through experiences since my Highway to Healthy journey where individuals have made either cringy statements or suggested/done activities that had the potential to derail my progress.

Some of the following statements:

"What are you doing that for? You don't need to lose weight."

"Men may not find you attractive if you lose too much."

"Girl, where did your boobs go?"

"You think you're better than me because you're a Skinny Mini."

"You're working out too much."

"You're losing your curves."

"Why are you eating salad?"

"If you're in pain (in this case, the pain was really DOMS = Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness), that means you need to quit working out."

"Why are you building muscle? Are you trying to look like a man?"

Some of the following suggestions/activities:

The suggestion that I should take a vacation from fitness while I'm on vacation

Offering foods that I've expressed I'm no longer eating

Insisting that I have more food when I've stated that I'm full

Acting insulted when I decline food or beverages I no longer eat or drink

Assuming that my palate hasn't changed over the years (re: not asking about any dietary restrictions/eating preferences)

In the rare situation where I permit one to cook for me, unwilling to make healthy substitutions, even when I offer the pay for the substitute ingredients if they aren't in the home

Guilting me for not wanting to go somewhere that doesn't have healthier options or smaller portions available

Giving shade to my sleep schedule (it's paired in conjunction with my workout regimen)

Annoyance at my "Don't disturb" rule as it pertains to my workout

What I'm doing for the benefit of my life shouldn't be this polarizing or such a hot topic for discussion. Yet, because it has been, what was already a small circle of people that I was associating with became even smaller. It causes too much animosity, angst, anxiety ... you name it ... to have individuals who claim to be friends but can't support you enough in being the best version of yourself.

My Highway to Healthy did result in weight loss and eating differently ... it doesn't necessarily manifest that way for everyone. I didn't expect anyone to do it with me, but to at least cheer me on along the way without making yourself a roadblock, you know? 

I don't do the whole back and forth. I've never been one to plead with people to remain in my life. A person should be there because they want to be. 

If who I am currently is no longer for you ...

Nostalgia cannot keep me bound to an individual. Not even time invested. It's what's reciprocal. It's beyond showing up; it's being present.

I am open to newness ... to get to know people through shared activities and interests. That is something that going to the gym, particularly the one that offers fitness classes, has opened the door to. 

No matter where I am in this journey, I will always be an advocate for those improving their lives, especially if being overweight or obese is getting in the way of how they feel about themselves. I will never be that person poking fun, staring, or giving unsolicited advice, for I was on the other side.

I do hope this entry has put this MOM to bed. 

Z is for Zone

There are certain things that are easy for me to zone out.  A little chuckle here and there.  Moments when the TV is slightly too loud or when music has a little too much bass.  The cat purring or scratching behind his ear. Even the occasional faucet drip.

What I can't zone out is excessively loud noise on a continuous basis.  Especially when I'm in the midst of writing.  It's somewhat tolerable when I'm reading but damned near impossible when I'm writing.

I found myself at times typing the very words I was hearing in conversations from "The Neighbors from Hell" (aka Apartment Four).

The neighbor who is right across from the madness in Apartment Five says she ignores it and doesn't let it bother her.  It would be different if she was around during the time when there was less noise and better quality people living at the spot (like I have).  Yet my fear is that there's noise (of joy) and then there's noise (when someone is getting hurt).  

Some of the neighbors before these loud ones liked to fight and do other illegal activities.  In many cases, I had to call the cops.  Not just because of the amount of noise but because I'm of the mind of "what if something really serious is happening in there?".  What if someone is getting hurt, and I'm hearing it but don't say anything?  I'm sorry: I've been on the other side of that and I would rather say something than just be of the mind of "it's not my problem."

I know if Apartment 5 can hear it, then Apartment 3 can certainly hear all of the racket "The Neighbors from Hell" make.  The tenants in Apartment 3 have kids and their kids don't act at a fool like this one kid, the two females, and the dog act.  Yet folks want to try to ignore it and not say anything (yet are the same ones that mutter "those folks sure are loud").

That's just not me.  I'm not trying to be the "bitch that makes things harder for anyone else."  However, with the exception of one person, I've resided in this building longer than anyone else.  I know I pay more rent than anyone else because of the amount of rooms I have.  Yet I believe since I do pay a significant amount, I should have some significant say in what type of environment I want to deal with.

And these Hellions do not fit the ideal neighbor spiel.

I contacted them a few days ago to keep the noise down.  With their recent shenanigans, their attitude is we are going to do what the hell we want to anyway.  I have contacted the landlord to let him know that I will be taking further measures if he doesn't step in and address the "excessive noise clause" in the rental agreement and apply it to this particular tenant situation.

Will keep you guys posted.

Zoning out!

W is for Winter

Confession: I am not the biggest fan of Winter.

Hello everyone!

This past Winter in New Jersey has been the wackiest ever.  Or maybe not.  Perhaps the winter happened exactly the way it was supposed to.

You see, ever since I moved up to New Jersey, I was told about how bad the winters could be.  Yet for quite a few years since being here, they had been relatively mild.  Sure, the first couple of years I had to adjust to the "not so Southern weather".  Now if the temperature is mid to low 40's, that's a good day.

Here are some things I do know:

1. Harsh winters suck for cars that are low to the ground, like my car.

2. People in SUV's tend to drive overly aggressive simply because they have all wheel drive. Yet even that can't save you from a potential accident.

3. My landlord was such a slum bucket (read "cheap") that he didn't want to pay someone to ice and shovel. So he opted to negotiate with some of the male tenants in exchange for dollars off the rent.

4. One positive thing about technically living in the attic: since heat rises, my need to use the actual heater was significantly less.  At times, I actually had to turn on the fan.

5.  My hot chocolate consumption was greater.

6.  My desire to exercise was sluggish. It was very hard to get in gear.

7. To me, Uggz aren't that cute but I sure could have used some.

8. There's nothing like wet snow to indicate when you have a tear in your shoe. Too bad I had to toss that pair--they were my second favorite.

9. I'm still not use to wearing a scarf around my neck, even if they do keep my neck warm.

10. Big snow flakes like clinging to my locs.

Bring on Spring!

Peace.

S is for Success

Greetings everyone!

When I was growing up, different people pitched me different ideas of what success looked like.  You should have a great paying job, a nice house, a nice car, handsome husband, a few kids, and some pets. Success was reflected on how much you had materially.

Some of this was perpetuated due to the fact that I didn't grow up with a whole lot.  Yet I was one of those kids who was pretty satisfied with what I had.  I never clamored to have designer labels, the latest video game, and the like.  Most of the things I asked for were pretty basic or had a bit of a learning/educational/music component.  I really didn't realize what my "station" was until I got around kids who had a lot more.  But with all the things these kids had, there was a connecting factor in those that I was around.

1.  They were never satisfied.  They constantly wanted more.
2.  They never took care of the things they had.
3.  They walked around with a sense of entitlement.  They never felt like they had to earn or work for anything.

Keep in mind that I am only speaking of the kids that I was exposed to. 

When I became an adult, I try to follow the proposed blueprints of success.  Get a good education.  Get a job, etc., etc.  Yet the pretty decent paying job I had was extremely time consuming and played a major factor in my health deteriorating.  Education is no longer looking like a sure fire way to success based on the economy and job market.  There aren't enough quality jobs to match people with degrees.  Instead, there are some people scrapping over entry level positions and settling for thousands less than what they are entitled to just to survive.  No matter how much reporting the media says that things are improving.  Don't buy all of the hype.

If I was sticking to the blueprint, why wasn't I happy?  Why didn't I feel successful?

I have come to the conclusion that the proposed blueprint for success doesn't apply to me.  I'm not deep in material possessions so why would that be my moniker for success?  I've always been more focused on the quality of something as opposed to quantity, so it didn't make sense for me to mold this idea around having a lot.

As most of you know, I started back actively publishing in 2013.  I wasn't sure what to expect with the journey.  Things had changed A LOT since I last published something (which was back in 2006).  Yet my focus has always been more on quality and having work out there someone could relate to--for a person to feel like he or she wasn't alone.

Could my poetic works have focused more on trends (grunge poetry, flash poetry, etc.)?  Perhaps, and for those who are doing the type of poetry trending right now--major kudos!  However, that's just not me. If I were to do that type of style, it would be a lie and those following me from the beginning would know I was being false.

Yes I want my writing to make money.  I have gotten some sales here and there.  I want to get them being honest and not being a trend monkey.  I'm not willing to sacrifice my core style to the call of group think and being like everyone else.

In my eyes, I'm successful when a person has read one of my books and that my work has helped him or her.  I'm successful when some of the edits I've provided to someone has really improved the presentation of a product.  I'm successful when someone gains something out of a review I've done, a column in the magazine or a blog or story I've written.

Just recently, a poetry anthology I'm a part of hit #1 on the Bestsellers list of Poetry Anthologies on Smashwords--Words of Fire and Ice.  I can add the title Bestselling Author to my resume.  Yes that says to the world I'm a success but I have been that anyway.

Peace.

P.S.  Until May 6th, you can pick up an electronic copy of this collection absolutely FREE via Smashwords. Just enter KC89W upon checkout.

R is for Running (on empty)

R is for Running.

On empty that is!  My muscle spasms have kicked into high gear.  First they started in the lower leg and thigh areas.  Usually that is the prime indicator they are going to hit other parts as well.  Yet I prayed that they wouldn't--simply because I don't like taking the medication when the pain gets that bad.

Yesterday it couldn't be helped.  I couldn't move, and the medication that helps it doesn't permit me to operate machinery.  Therefore, driving was out of the question.  In addition it makes me relatively tired.  

I have my lesser of two evils on me today.  It makes me tired but it's acting as a chaser to keep the pain at bay.  Perhaps I will look into doing some pilates from beginners.  Anything is better than popping all these pills. 

Any one have any suggestions?  I'm a beginner.  Think Pilates 101 or something.

Peace.

I is for...I

Okay so grammar wise, it isn't correct.  (Oops!)

You ever have one of those days when you are just dead last in the hierarchy of what has to be accomplished?  Then by the time you get to you, you are just pooped.

Even worse, you have every intention of dealing with you first but things happened which kept it from even occurring?

I would just like a day simply for yours truly.  That day would consist of:

• Not having to take any phone calls
• Not having to answer any e-mails
• Not doing any reviews
• Not doing any editing
• Not doing any household duties
• Not doing any duties where I have to serve the role of superhero, therapist, mother, sex kitten, scientist, or surgeon

Therefore:

• No computer (unless I'm doing writing).  If I'm really going old school, unlined paper and pen/pencils.
• No cell phone.  If so, having on 24 hour Do Not Disturb.
• No cleaning products.
• No masks.

Even now, my inner busy bee, workaholic, and dedicated energy for everyone are all protesting at the same time.  This is the part where I'm going to get out the Raid, turn myself in to Workaholics anonymous, and shut off my power source.

I love ya'll, but it's about that time.  What do you know?  Time has an I.

Peace.

H is for Hinder

Greetings everyone!

It is times like these when I hate being a woman.  Menopause would be welcomed at a time like this.  When I get this way, it's so hard to achieve a level of comfort.  I focus on productivity to take my mind off the pain.

Last night, even though my eyes and my mind cried for sleep, my body acted like I was speaking in Russian. No comprehension.  It wasn't as if the aggravation could get planted into something to write.  I didn't even feel like writing.  Then I thought if I could look at some news, my brain could trick my body since it didn't want to negotiate.  My body wasn't falling for that Jedi mind trick.

I also thought about some sleepy time tea but had used my last bag.  Next plan of action was to soak in the tub yet fear of falling asleep in the tub hit me.  (It has happened before but I wasn't normally alone.)  I reached for my strong pain killers.  Although they do put me to sleep, they put me to sleep for a long time. That long time was greater than four hours--which was when my alarm would go off to get to work.

In the end, here I am--functioning on about three and a half hours of sleep.  I'm so glad the main boss isn't here today.  His grumpy and my grumpy would not have gotten along.   I've been a bit quieter than usual and no one has asked.  For once, everybody is staying out of my business.  That is how I like it.

Yet it is also why I tell  people to not call me at work.  I'm in an open area, not a cubicle or a closed office. That means the people in the front office and the other executive assistant next to me can hear anything that is said on the office phone.  They can't help themselves; they are just that nosy.  I found out the extent of the nosiness when the main boss asked me close to closing time--"Everything all right at home?"  I wasn't even talking that loud (not nearly as loud as he talks), but I guess it was noticed.

My happiness is hindered but it's quite all right.  With a long hot soak, a good book, some heavy pain killers, and four more days, my monthly joy snatcher will be on her way.

Peace.

E is for Enjoy

Perhaps it is the angle of this picture or the soft lighting in the background.  Needless to say, it's a keeper.

I think I'm going to alternate between Saturdays and Sundays as being the rest day for the A-Z challenge I'm a part of.

I am enjoying the writing life.  I submitted my poetry to two writing organizations.  I have not heard back from one but I did get accepted by the other.  The name of the anthology I'm a part of is Words of Fire and Ice and it will be released on April 22nd.

I feel so much vigor.  I haven't had this type of vigor since two occasions:  when I first started writing (at age 11) and when I was part of the Internet poetry organizations.  It's different in a sense that I don't think it's going to burn out this time around.

There's beauty in every step of the process, and I've been celebrating each part.  Even the parts where I've tried a certain technique and failed.  How can you really appreciate success if you have never failed at some point?  You cannot.

I'm not going to take up too much time, except to say:  I'm full of "enjoy".

Peace.

2013 Year In Review...The Approach (intro)

Greetings everyone!

No, the picture has nothing to do with the Year in Review, but he is a bit of a cutie.

This particular review was prompted because Facebook has this thing where it outlines your 2013 Year In Review using pictures.  The only downside is there were certain events that I didn't deem all that significant while there were other things that got left out.  Plus, they put the number of events at being 20.

Therefore, I'm going to do my own rendition.  I won't guarantee it is going to be 20 of them, nor will I guarantee they will be in order of importance.  However I am going to keep it as close to being in order as possible.

So that each entry won't be excessively long, I will divide them up a bit.  I'll cover Jan-March in one entry. April-June in the next.  July-September in another.  October-December to round everything up.

Type you soon!

Peace.

Dear Mr. Postman (Concerns from a Postal Customer)

Dear Mr. Postman (or Postlady),

I know things have been tough for the post office.  There's more holiday cards and gifts going out, yet there may not be enough staff to handle the increased load.  I get that.  I definitely understand.

However, you cannot be in such a rush that you don't fully read the name and address to where your delivery is going.  I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe this is what happened.  Yet there are some that would venture to say that you just don't care about what happens.

This morning, I received a letter from my neighbor.  She said that it had been placed in her box, but she hadn't had a chance to catch up with me to deliver it.  I thanked her promptly.

I checked to see if it had been tampered with.  No sign of tampering or attempts to look at the contents.  Yet, it clearly stated my name and my address on the letter, and my last name is clearly placed on my mailbox, so I was still baffled as to why there was any confusion.

I opened the letter, and the content that was in the letter was something that affected my finances significantly.  I'm pleased I finally got the letter because the news was in my favor, but on the same token, what if the neighbor hadn't been honest and had decided to open it? I'm not sure how she would have reaped the benefits without proper ID to verify her identity, but still, your carelessness could have caused a lot of grief.

All I'm saying is take the extra time to double check.  Place yourself in the other person's position.  How would you feel if you were waiting on something of importance and someone else received it instead of you?  Or even worse, it got lost in the mail?  You'd be upset, too, and during times like these, there are some of us who may see you as Santa Claus, giving the gift of joy.

Sincerely,

A Very Relieved (Yet Concerned) Postal Customer

My Mind's Palm Tree

If there's a palm tree standing at the edge of my mind, what would be beyond the last thought?

What would my idea of heaven be in my mind?  If this tree were it, what would it be?

Heaven would be my health being consistently in a good place.  I would be at the point where taking medication would be minimal or eliminated.  The doctors would be able to come to an agreement with what's going on with my abdominal area.  That threat would be taken care of, and I wouldn't have to question my ability to have children.  I'd be able to go back to exercising on a normal basis like I was before.

Heaven would be a steady flow of financial ability, not this rocky terrain.  I'd look into the eyes of someone who still has that fire to do better instead of getting caught up and wallowing in the pity of the situation.  I'd have someone who would keep word to valuing opportunity and not let it get flushed down the drain: someone who would keep fighting by my side instead of feeling like I'm flailing in the ocean when I ask the questions that would give me a sense of stability and peace.

Heaven would feel like a victory, not this stalemate or a situation where both parties feel as if they both lose.  One person wouldn't feel like she's given everything she can give while ascertaining the other person hasn't given enough.  One person wouldn't stand looking outside the window, wondering why this other person even got into this situation if the other person wasn't going to truly be fully committed.  One person wouldn't have to say, "I've given you every reason to walk away, but I'm asking you to stay" without providing the very ingredients to make a premium product instead of dollar store knockouts which represent failure to stay the course and going back to old habits which brought forth the dissension in the first place.

Heaven would be my having the means to get close to the people I know that love me; that truly get me.  I wouldn't be surrounded by this ocean of fake smiles, cruel intentions, and fair weather people.  I wouldn't feel like an alien that humans want to take out because they'd rather assassinate me than embrace and try to get to know someone different.  This place will not ever truly feel like home to me because my heart is still down South.  I'm so weary of fighting through everyone's muck and mire, having to answer questions, like everything is a hidden agenda.  Hell, I can't even say, "Hello" without someone thinking there's some drama that's going to pop off.

Heaven would just be peace:  peace in my house, outside my house, in my body, and in the components of my spirit.  That would be the ultimate paradise.

Yet, at this juncture, it seems too far away.  It's that speck I'm straining to see, wondering if it's a mirage.

Peace.

Integrity=Priceless

from:  www.goodnessmatters.com

Greetings, all of you:

Something occurred that had me feeling some type of way, and this is the abbreviated version of it.  Don't worry; I will be expanding on it shortly.

If one is truly dedicated to growth, you will not censor the voices that can aid in your improvement, nor would you dare to request that someone do that for the sake of stroking ego. As a person, writer, and reviewer, my integrity will never be for sale, no matter who it is. Any person or any organization that makes a request that I do is not the organization for me or a person I want to be affiliated with in any way, shape, or form. Ask yourself: How far are you willing to go? How much will you sacrifice the essence of yourself just to be seen? Will you recognize yourself in the end and are you willing to pay the cost?

In addition to The Review Board, I was made a member of two additional review boards.  With each of those members, I let them know my style of review and they had the link to check out my style of reviewing and after checking it out whether to include me or not.  Both organizations seemed cool with it.  Both seemed fine with it so far until I got a message from one that deeply disturbed me this morning:

Lines that stuck out to me:

"Please handle it with care..."

"chicklit royalty Blog politics..."

"We would need her publicity so gush more and make less critique."

Are you f--in' serious?  Please handle it with care.  What is this?  Is this person a newborn baby or is this person's ego just that fragile?  Anyone who has visited The Review Board will see in our description where it says "we do not stroke ego."  

In my reviews, I don't do it either.  

I don't care if the person is supposed to be some type of royalty in the literary world.  If what the person is writing is sub par, I'm going to write it as such, and no amount of clout is going to make me water down my integrity and my standards.  

For someone to even approach me and ask me to do that, after praising me for that very aspect, I find to be disrespectful and it makes me wonder what type of person he is.  It also makes me wonder if the reviews that are put up on the site are really his true thoughts, or were they "gushed" as he likes to put it?

Either way, I'm not down with it.  I put in my resignation.  I won't be associated with it, and I will let you guys use your deduction skills to figure out which one I've said "deuces" to.

Windows of Opportunity

Hello, everyone!

It doesn't feel like it's Friday, nor does it feel like August has entered the building.  Is it just me or did July seem extremely long?

Grab your copy here!

Since putting out Reflections of Soul, I've had the chance to connect with so many people.  The combination of my recent publication and my reviews on The Review Board have caused me to get a bit of attention.  The Review Board has picked up speed, so I've even set up a Twitter account for it.

It makes me feel good that people like what I've written and the way I've written them: so much so that a few of my connections want me to assist them with various projects.

One of these projects is serving as a reviewer as part of the Read & Review Staff on Author Y. Correa's site, Fate Books.  I am also helping out as moderator of the All Authors Support Group forum.  The group is very helpful to independent and self-published authors.

Another one is being selected to become part of the Review Staff at ChickLitPad.  This recent development is somewhat new, but expect to see some reviews from me within the next week or two.

Photography by Wilted Hope 

In addition, an author I've done a spotlight on and reviewed has put me in touch with someone who may be interested in featuring me on her radio show.  (keeping fingers crossed)  I am very excited.  It's been a while since I've been out there, but I am looking forward to the opportunity.

Let's see what happens.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Peace.

Shaking the Cobwebs off the Branches

Source: wallpaperstopbiz.com

Greetings everyone!

I have been taking things step by step.

As of this writing, there has been no follow up in regards to my medication since the last two mishaps.  A part of me wants to try something different, yet another part of me just wants to leave things alone.  The more the doctor tries new things on me, the more I feel like a guinea pig.

There are no takers for Ma Maow the cat as of yet.  I hope that will change as time goes on.

However, I'm not here to talk about my medical condition or the cat.

Since I started my other blog, The Review Board, I have gotten some amazing feedback.  I have always loved to read and doing the reviews gives me that opportunity.  I can check out different genres and get a feel as to whether I want to read them, or I may decide I never want to again.  I also feel like I can assist other writers with feedback in ways to help each other.

Currently, I also do reviews on web shows, TV shows, and movies, but I'm mostly passionate about helping my fellow writer.

I have connected with other writers not only through TRB but also in a few groups I am a part of via Goodreads as well as Google Plus.

Author Y. Correa

One writer in particular welcomed my addition to her own Read and Review Board.  I am happy to be included and hope my style of review is a welcome addition to what she already has established.

If one is constantly getting submissions, it is easy to start getting overwhelmed. Checking out what she currently has established as well as other members on her team gives me lots of insight into my own blog:

1.  Do I want to start doing open submissions?  (Currently, The Review Board has just been selecting pieces--either randomly or pieces that are submitted to us personally by the author)

2.  Will my partner and I be able to handle the influx if there is a consensus on open submissions?  Will that facilitate the need to recruit other board members?

3.  Will Wordpress remain sufficient or is an upgrade in order for the future?  For me, as long as I have access to a computer, I haven't had any major issues with Wordpress.  However, others have told me that access Wordpress via app has been a bit buggy as it pertains to formatting.  I'm still weighing it out.

There are other thoughts, but those top ones come to mind.  

I haven't been this active in the writing community since back in the mid 1990's.  I was very deep into the Internet community, particularly the poetry community spectrum.  I haven't talked a lot in depth about the things which occurred during my time being a moderator and administrator at multiple sites.  Some of it is best reserved for a future book--although I may make it more of a spoof than tell-all non-fiction.  I'm still playing around with it; I will see what happens.

I'm doing my best to let the old ghosts go and to allow these experiences to stand on their own.  So far, they have been great ones.  If I didn't go through all the strife in the past, I couldn't truly treasure the people in the present.  I am thankful for that.

Carry on.

Peace.

Separation: Possibly In The Works

Okay, before everyone starts getting too worked up, I am NOT talking about my recent Life Event.

Is everyone calmed down now?  Okay, good!

Gather around and let me tell you a story.

Around the age of eleven (going into twelve) a lot of things started happening.  Certain truths started coming out as it pertained to my mother and father.  I was subjected to a lot of bullying as well as the reality of how distrustful people could be.  I started becoming less extroverted and more introverted, and from all of that is where Queen of Spades originally emerged.

She was initially my catharsis only.

At that time, I didn't have any intention of sharing her thoughts with anyone else, yet as the years went on, my writings became very honest--some darker than others.  Then, some of my teachers stated that I had great talent and that I should share it with the world.

Even then, I wasn't one hundred percent certain but I still kept writing.

While I was in college, I met up with people who liked writing as much as I did, and I soon got introduced to some of the writing communities on line.  Two of the major ones I was a part of Fireseek and International House of Poets.  I'm not going to delve into the history of everything, but that experience opened my eyes up to all different types of talents as well as various eccentricities and egos--all welcoming and intense at the same time.

After things occurred with the Internet writing communities, Queen was still writing, but she had gotten back into the mode of not sharing.  Yet I had hundreds, even thousands of writings, and trying to decide what to do with them.  Eventually, I decided to put one collection in print, which became Spaded Truths.  Queen was just happy to be published, and neither one of us was really thinking about the larger picture.

It was only after I did the second collection, Private Pain, that I wanted to go deeper.

Was Queen really just for catharsis or did Queen have a deeper purpose?  

I realize with the publication of Reflections of Soul that Queen of Spades has a lot more to say, but unlike before, she is willing to share.  If she can help one person with any of her writings, then it has done her soul a world of good.  That all of the pain and the lessons possess a purpose.

Queen's accomplishments have been meshed with No Labels Unleashed.  However, I do think the time is approaching for there to be a separation--for Queen of Spades to stand on her own.  She wants to branch into different projects--short story writing, even a bit of comedic fiction as well as some autobiographical stuff.  All of that writing deserves its' own spotlight.

In the coming months, you will begin to see a separation between Queen of Spades and No Labels Unleashed.  There's no need for sadness--only joy.

Just stay tuned.  

Peace!