Hello everyone. I hope that your 2025 is off to a great start. Funny enough, I did not expect this to be my first post of 2025 on No Labels Unleashed.
Yet, it is fitting, because of the day.
Yes, today is when we honor the great Martin Luther King, Jr. This is not what this post will be about.
Yes, today is the inauguration of the next president. I won't be delving into political discourse. Just know that I will not be watching. I did not watch when this particular individual was sworn in, so I do not need to do so now.
I want to reflect on times and people worth remembering.
One such person is my Grandma.
When I say I am the embodiment of Issac (my grandpa) and Florence (my grandma), I do not express that as a catchphrase or a cool line in a poem. It is because that statement represents my essence. I take pride in these characteristics and symbolize why I often refer to myself as an "Antiquated Hybrid".
There are so many traits I inherited from my grandpa. A deep-seated work ethic. Belief in a sense of fairness. Being giving and kind. Being a woman of my word. The willingness to fight (and be unapologetic about it) when I'm dishonored and disrespected and when peaceful means failed.
Grandma was such an awesome teacher. She demonstrated balance and represented patience. She showed me the ways of etiquette and the importance of looking the part. She set the example of how to be a good listener and instilled discernment. One can be kind but also set boundaries. One can be open to love and romance, but always ensure that resources are set aside if and when relationships do not pan out.
I did not receive these life lessons through books.
I would sit on the passenger side of Grandpa's car while he told jokes and stories. I would listen in on conversations he had with his sister in Centerville.
Grandma and I would sit on the front porch and sip coffee while watching people walk up and down the adjacent road to our property. We would sit in the house and snap green beans or shuck peas. It would be in those moments when we cooked together and baked.
The small moments had the most powerful meanings.
I miss so many things about my grandma. Her sense of style. The gleam in her eyes when recalling a good memory or being around people she loved. The way her fingertips felt while putting Blue Magic hair grease on my scalp. The warmth of her hugs. The heartiness of her laugh.
Grandma was one of the few people who truly knew me. She realized I was not like others and rather than dim my light, she was one of the few who allowed it to shine. She and Grandpa were advocates of my authenticity, and their bodies are no longer here.
I am sad they are not physically here, yet I am grateful they are no longer in pain.
They are free to watch over me all the time now ... to make sure that I am doing okay. Both have brought me a "mighty long way", as Grandma would say.
This first year without Grandma has been challenging.
Once the numbness wore off (I was numb for a while), there was this battle within myself.
One was what I would typically do — lock the emotions somewhere and press forward. Yet, this is what I did when Grandpa passed away, and I never got the opportunity to truly grieve him.
Therefore, I chose something different ... to let myself feel everything. Whether it was rational or not. Whether it was right or not.
I didn't feel right to have up a wall. The woman who raised me had died. The man who raised me had died. The people who functioned as my parents were gone.
To not properly grieve ... seemed strange, borderline disrespectful.
Going through this process involved setbacks in my own care. It was to be expected. I accepted that where I ended up in 2024 wasn't as great as previous years. The fallacy was that I beat myself up about these setbacks. I expected myself to be a high-functioning human despite being dealt such a devastating loss. I held myself to a standard I would not impose on another human being.
My grandparents — Grandma especially — would not want me to remain stuck. Grandma would want me to use the tools I have to get back up. She'd want me to return to the activities which gave me joy, contentment, and peace. She'd encourage me to be open to those who truly love me and keep those out who have shown they do not.
I will honor my Grandma on the anniversary of her passing by keeping my heart open and living life.
Love you always.
