Friday, June 27, 2014

Soul Cleanse 35: The Necessary Stop Sign

Hello everyone!  You may have noticed I have been around, just not on this particular blog.  Yet maybe that is a small part of the problem.  I haven't had the time to do a personal detox like I want to because so many other things (for the most part, good things) have pulled my attention more towards A Queen's Ramblings and The Review Board than anything else.

So I come with this important service announcement:

If you don't have any joy to spread my way,
I'm afraid I can't entertain your visit today.
The reserve I had on supply has been diminished
And cannot be used on you once it's been replenished.

You look a bit confused.  Don't worry.  I will elaborate.

There are a few things that I am known for.  People really close to me can attest to this.  I have a great deal of empathy and tend to pick up when people are going through things, even if they don't straight out tell me.  

** The downside of this is others who seek healing and sanctuary automatically come to me when the proverbial shit hits the fan.**

Don't get me wrong.  It's not that I mind it.  If I can really be there and listen, I have no problem with it.  If I can't really solve the problem, but can find a way to make coping a bit more bearable, then that is all right, too.

It is a problem when people take this courtesy and deem it a requirement.  

It is a problem when people are going through their issues and think it's okay to take it out on me (with no apologies for the offending behavior).  

It is a problem when a person doesn't even check in to see how I'm doing but just starts going on about their travesties as if I don't have things going on.

True, I don't open up and tell every Barbara, Chance, and Horatio (thought it would be a welcome switch from Tom, Dick and Harry) about what's going on with me.  One, I don't trust everyone.  Two, I don't impose to the point where I am a burden on anyone.

But one has to understand this:  If I am going through something (even if I'm not telling you directly), that energy has to be directed towards me.  Energy I am exerting towards another person acting as his or her problem solver is taking away from investing that energy in myself.

If a person doesn't want to tell me something, fine, but it's unfair for a person to then get mad and take whatever insecurities and inabilities to deal like a mature human being out on me.  Especially when the person didn't even check in to say, "How are you?  What's wrong?  Is there anything I can do to help?  Would you like to talk about it?"

Sometimes, that is ALL it takes to keep a small molehill from becoming an emotional mountain to climb.  Just be considerate.

Usually, it's the one's closest to you that are pushing the buttons.  A close friend, significant other or a family member.  The very ones that lean on YOU to take care of EVERYTHING don't take time to check on you to make sure you are functional enough to take care of anything (a mouthful but you get the picture).  If you're NOT up to snuff, they get mad and wonder what your problem is--NOT because they are genuinely concerned but they are caught up in what you aren't doing for THEM.  Or they care, just to get you functional enough to serve their needs again.  Then they are right back to acting disrespectful towards your whole aura.

I can't make people act right.  All I can do is shine a flashlight on the behavior and then people have to decide whether they care enough to even want to change.  People have to decide whether their stubbornness is worth destroying things and people they claimed were important.   

Avoidance can be just as detrimental, even more so, than conflict.  At times, the act of avoidance is the conflict, or causes even more conflict.

I don't have the energy to invest in absorbing other people's negativity, selfishness, and projecting.  It isn't beneficial for my health and my spirit.  I am recognizing just because I try and be respectful of a person's overall disposition doesn't mean they are willing or will do the same for me.  

I need that separation to replenish and want others to give me that fifty feet.  It doesn't necessarily mean that when I do get to top speed that you'll still have access to me.  But at least everyone is getting the warning now.  Before, I just would have gone ghost.

I have to do this because I recognize this pattern, and I know where this is going. 

Bring me joy.  Bring me happiness.  Bring me good news.  Bring care about my well being.

Hope you saved enough money to invest in a real therapist at this point.  Even if you didn't....

Soul Cleanse, that's a wrap!

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