My Musings: 6-10

 For the 1st Five Musings, click here.

Hello again. It is the rare two posts in one day, but I am a person of my word.

Now, on with the reflections ...

I miss receiving something in the mail that isn't an advertisement, a bill, or a catalog. I miss receiving electronic correspondence that isn't advertisements, bills, due date reminders, or spam.

Perhaps it's because I'm an artsy type. Or because I like to write. Maybe it's because I didn't have technology for part of my life. Whatever the reason, I received great joy from receiving a greeting card, postcard, or letter. When I had access to the Internet, there was no greater sound than "You've got mail." The mail was usually a note, just a more modern way of communicating without the wait time of the U.S. Postal Service. There was a marvel in those moments. There was excitement. It's something that generations after me don't give credence to because it's always existed.

Receiving mail (physical or electronic) doesn't provide those same feelings. It can produce anxiety (if it's a bill), annoyance (if it's a credit card advertisement you're not interested in), confusion (how did they get my address), or an additional task on the to-do list (recycle, organize, delete).

Maybe I'll revisit the whole pen pal concept, but for now, I'm nostalgic for when communication was simpler.

I miss the days when a phone was just a phone.

Now, the majority of phones operate like a mini-computer and cost as much as a laptop. The technological strives are impressive but it comes at the cost of being able to navigate in social situations. One cannot hear voice inflections in text ... whether one is serious or joking. Context can be lost or misrepresented. It can make navigating conversations difficult. More often than not, the phone operates as a distraction. One plays games, checks out the latest (insert app here), looks at videos, listens to music, reads emails ... everything except being present and engaging with those in proximity. 

There are those out there that just offer the basics. For now, I focus on activities that take me away from overly using my phone, take Social Media breaks, and have Do Not Disturb times set on my phone.

Unpopular opinion: Everything doesn't have to be inclusive.

There is so much to this.

When I was growing up, there was significance in standing out. Being competitive was to be expected. It was understood that there were winners and losers, and that was okay. It was okay that someone was highlighted even if it meant others weren't.

That isn't the reality anymore. It isn't doing anyone any favors. What it is doing is stunting personal growth and delaying the life lessons they would have learned anyway.

Life isn't always fair or just. You won't always achieve what you've set out to do. That should be learned early. You shouldn't receive your first "no" when you're 25.

Also, when everyone receives a trophy, that takes away a goal for someone to ascribe to. What is the use of doing it correctly if the person who is doing it incorrectly is going to get the same medal? What is the drive for doing it well, if at all?

Changing one's mind is not a crime.

There are many factors where changing one's mind is not only okay but expected. It can be based on time, circumstance, growth, healing, more research, and those beliefs no longer align with how one lives life. There are many topics that I've allowed fluidity, changed my stance, or just abandoned altogether. It doesn't have to be extreme. Most shifts, for me, have been subtle.

Learning a new language has as many quirks as one's native language.

I have been re-learning Spanish through an app. Some rules are straightforward; others are just as wonky as what's in the English language. Some shorter words in English (like pen) are extremely long in Spanish. I am having fun since the app combines learning and gaming. Plus, the lessons aren't long, and it's a great way to keep my brain busy.

Gosh, will you look at the time? I have a few other things to do today, so I will close for now. Take care everyone.

My Musings: 1- 5

 

Greetings! The Unleashed One here. Before I proceed, I would like to send honor, respect, and thanks to all Veterans on Veterans Day.

I have a mental list of some things I would like to address on my blog, and I hope to get to those topics before 2023 bids its farewell. However, since half of them have weight, I pondered whether I wanted to speak on one of them today.

Nah, it doesn't feel right ... I usually Soul Speak on Sundays.

Yet, I did want to write, since I haven't been back here since before my birthday. Plus, there are some things on my mind and in my heart that feel too great to remain in those places.

1. I am starting to think that "being neutral" has become one of the new rules of social etiquette "do nots". Neutrality is also getting clumped in with indifference.

There are certain topics that I don't weigh in on, and it has nothing to do with not caring. For the most part, it has to do with a local awareness of the strife that I've seen on a day-to-day basis that isn't at the forefront of the powers that be.

I am on the side of the preservation of innocent lives. I am on the side of peace. It sucks no matter how many times the U.S. has been shown what can happen due to bad decisions (reading the world's temperature), it repeats itself.

One can read into that statement what one will.

2. Some of the same people who say "trust the science" when it comes to climate change throw science out the window to appease the radicals of the rainbow community.

I believe that the acceptance the community fought so hard to get from others has lost traction because of what radicals are doing. There is an obnoxious insistence and a righteous indignation that I just cannot get behind. 

In my opinion, the best way to get others to accept you is to operate with an energy that is open and willing to educate on topics that others may not understand. However, one also has to realize that just because you have demands doesn't mean you can make a person heed them.

I believe in science.

I believe in biology.

I reject any prefix in front of my biological existence.

No twisting of words to match talking points is going to eradicate my existence.

3. The structure of women's clothing needs an entire overhaul. 

I was thumbing through a clothing magazine, and I noticed the number of models who had curves was scant. Even if they did have curves, there wasn't a situation that made it seem like "top-heavy" vs "bottom-heavy", you know.

For me, even with weight fluctuations, I still have top heaviness. I strength train, so my biceps and triceps are more defined. My thighs are pretty pronounced; they were like that even before I went on my health journey.

It has been a challenge to find clothes that can provide a great fit while giving stretch and extra room where needed.

The women's tops I've encountered don't account for muscle, so I have to size up for that, along with my breasts, which I was doing anyway.

With some of the jeans/pants, they are great on the calves but don't stretch enough for the thighs and the behind. Or, I size up to accommodate the thighs and rear but there's the dreaded waist gap and a wonky fit in the crotch.

All-in-all, the struggle is real.

4. I'm over Holiday Shopping.

Confession: Although I do like pleasantly surprising people and giving gifts, I have never liked the whole shopping experience in a store.

When online shopping became a thing ... absolute blessing!

One year I tried this holiday activity that was supposed to be fun, but I observed that people were too caught up in what the gift was as opposed to the enjoyment of the game.

For one, not all rules of the game were followed (as it pertained to the value of the gift), and two, there are different interpretations as to what one feels is an appropriate gift and what others feel is not.

It was seeing the behaviors that was a turn-off for me because getting a gift isn't a right nor is it what the spirit of the holidays is about.

As for me, I tend to do homemade cards and gifts. If that's not you, provide me with a list. Otherwise, I'm just going to send you a gift card or cash and keep it moving.

That is, if you are on the gifting list (and that list is small).

Also, times are beyond tough out here, so if a $20 gift is too "low vibrational" for you, then maybe you need a lump of coal in the stocking instead of the new iPhone.

But wait ... you weren't on the list anyway!

Also, I'm more concerned about the Holiday food budget than the gift budget. 

Do with that what you will.

5. Speaking of food, I am really looking at what I consume and asking myself if that item is an absolute must.

I could not put coffee on the chopping block. It is one of my small luxuries. Since I am not one that goes to (insert coffee place here) every day, I can continue to invest in K-Pod, ground, or whole-bean coffee.

I still do my best to wait until there's a sale ... can't bring myself to spend over $10 for Green Mountain ... I have my limits.

Microwave meals have become more expensive, so I have started seeing if there are more canned items that can satisfy me. Admittedly, some canned items (even when getting the low-sodium options) have more sodium than the microwave meals I've purchased. On the days when I have downtime to cook, I do my best to have the ingredients on hand. Goodness knows it makes my butt itch to think all of the items are in the house, only to discover they aren't.

Needless to say, money for groceries is the modern universal chess game.

Okay, I will pause here for now. I will do the rest of the list later today.

July: Middle of Month Update

 

Hello! The Unleashed One here. How is everyone faring so far? In my neck of the woods, it has been very hot and humid.

One characteristic I have noticed about my arthritis is that the warmer it is, the more it tends to flare up. The concentration of arthritis resides in my hands, wrists, and my knees. I am still getting cortisone injections in my knees every three months but have noticed that the effectiveness is waning slightly. The gel injections are the next step, but I'm going to talk to the doctor to see if it's the way to go as of yet.

I resumed a hybrid work schedule beginning the last week of June. To date, it has been beneficial only attending the office three days a week.

As far as my workout routine, I originally wanted to incorporate a day or two where I'd been utilizing the RWJ Fitness Center on days when I'm onsite and only doing Planet Fitness on days when I'm offsite or close to the house. One new class I wanted to try for Thursday was not my cup of tea because it involved movements that would cause too much high impact on my joints. Therefore, the classes would have to fall either on Tuesdays or Wednesdays to be of benefit. I do have classes I like on Tuesdays but not any that fall within the timeframe on Wednesdays, so I'm still trying to sort all of that out. I have made a decision that after this month,  I'm going to put a pause on the membership. I have vacation time scheduled, and honestly, the last thing I want is to be five minutes away from work (which is how far RWJ is from there).

I was very pleased with myself for being able to do three plates on each side on the leg press machine. I hear that Planet Fitness has a reputation for not being user-friendly to those utilizing too much weight, but I haven't had that problem so far. Plus, at that particular location, I've seen men put as many as six plates on each side of the leg press, and no one's kicked them out. If there's any Planet Fitness I've not gone to in a while, it's mainly because of:

(1) Lack of flexible hours

(2) Cleanliness of location

(3) Lack of machines/maintenance of machines

(4) Overcrowdedness

It has never been due to being kicked out or harassed. If that ever changes, trust me, ALL will know.

My investment in my Mental Health is progressing well. Yes, there are moments when it can be mentally and emotionally draining, but it is part of the process. An outside party can provide a different perspective that may produce an alternate way of handling situations. Similar to physical fitness, staying emotionally and mentally fit takes everyday dedication.

As far as medication, my stance on that remains the same. I don't want to resume going back on medication because of how it negatively impacts my creativity. I'm appreciative that my therapist respects my decision and has not tried to overly advocate the inclusion of pharmaceuticals. Note, I'm not saying that this is the right course for everyone. Please talk to a doctor or therapist who can decide whether being on medication is the proper move. With some diagnoses, medication is an absolute necessity.

I got the wonderful news that my passport application was approved. 😁😁😁 I've been tracking the status online, and if all bodes well, my passport should arrive before the end of the month. In hindsight, I wish I had done this sooner, but I don't think I would have appreciated getting this done as much. Will doing some international travel be in the near future as opposed to the distant future? Only time will tell. 

I'm going to attempt (keyword: attempt) to be around more often socially. I have set up a new Instagram account solely for updates on this blog/website. Click on the bouncing Instagram logo to become a follower or just search @simplynolabels. If I fall short, I request grace because (1) I'm human and (2) my pseudonym Queen of Spades is working on something big, so trying to manage that level of creative energy can be two handfuls. #CreativeTypesWillGetThis

As always, thanks so much for stopping by.

Just Saying: Entry 3

 

Hello everyone! The Unleashed One here. Not for nothing, but I am really enjoying this NewProfilePic.com app. I'm not sure if I like it enough to invest money, but it is creating some pretty awesome images.

How is everyone doing?

I am a mixture of emotions.

On one hand, I feel sad, although I am not surprised about Roe v Wade being overturned. Despite how I may feel about the issue, I do believe that a woman has the right to have an abortion if she feels that bringing a child into the world under the circumstances is not the right decision for her. It goes to show the sentiment I've echoed since when I wrote Spaded Truths: Themes and Proclamations: Government has no business being in personal business, whether it's dictating the rights of same-sex couples to be married or what women do with their bodies. Trust and believe, the LGBTQIA+ community is not safe.

The United States is on the wrong side of history. If anything, we are repeating history and a cycle that is going to result in nothing but chaos.

This past week, I haven't had much time to go to the gym. It's not due to still feeling sick from the sinus infection. It is because the timeline for Telework got pushed up a week, so I spent most of this week getting my bedroom in optimal work-from-home shape. I invested in a bigger desk so that I could fit my personal desktop computer and my work computer in the same space. I also splurged on additional items, such as a chair mat, a chair pad (for my office chair), a new printer (the other one was on its last leg anyway), and a micro-cut shredder.

Because the L-shaped desk was bigger than anticipated, I had to move around the majority of my bedroom furniture. Amazingly, this setup makes my room appear bigger. I shifted around some of my Index card affirmations to be closer to my work area. I look at them often before starting my day.

Getting this big project done made me feel satisfied, despite throwing off my gym regimen. I did stay committed to getting my steps in throughout the week and was able to meet my goal the majority of the days.

On Saturday (the 25th), I focused on leg day at the gym. I hit a new achievement on the leg press (the one where you load the plates). I was able to do a 1 rep max with three 45 lb plates on each side. I had never been able to do it before. In the times prior when I tried, I wasn't even able to budge the platform, but I was feeling brave. In hindsight, I should have recorded it, but I never think about recording while I'm at the gym ... too focused on just getting the workout done and being on my way. Maybe next time when I'm doing leg day and making the attempt, I will have someone with me to record.

This morning, I attempted my longest walk ever. I tend to focus on the length of time not a set number of miles. Today, I aimed for 15 minutes longer than I did on my previous Sunday walk. My last Sunday walk was for 90 minutes; today, the goal was one hour and forty-five minutes. I spent the first part of the walk listening to an audiobook I had downloaded Lovecraft Country. When you are listening to an audiobook or music, you're not as focused on time.

My legs did start feeling the burn closer to the end of the walk, but I did achieve the goal.

With the change in my work schedule will mark a change in my gym routine. I'm predicting it will be for the better and more fuel-efficient. After I complete this post, I'll be utilizing my planner to keep all in line and on track.

Okay, everyone. I have some in-house things to do. 

Just Saying: Entry 2

 

Hello everyone! The Unleashed One here. I was away from the blog longer than anticipated, but in this "Just Saying" entry, I will fill everyone in on what's gone on.

So ... remember that sinus infection that I spoke about? My primary care doctor gave me an antibiotic that I had not used before. She specified she was erring on the side of caution due to the fact that I have a number of allergies to medications. I started on that antibiotic on the Saturday before I was to return to work from my vacation.

By Thursday of last week, I noticed that I did not seem to be recovering as quickly as I was used to. I didn't feel the energy to go to the gym. I also noticed that the right side of my sinuses and throat were being impacted when previously, the majority of the agitation was on the left side. Plus, I was constantly coughing in a way that wasn't in alignment with an asthma flare-up.

The following day, my voice was gone. I took the day off of work. When my symptoms got worse, I decided to go to Urgent Care. After testing negative for COVID-19 and strep throat, the Urgent Care doctor concluded that the antibiotic wasn't working and put me on a different one, along with a steroid. I was able to get the antibiotic right away. However, the insurance did not cover the steroid (at least not until next week), so I decided to just pick up the antibiotic. If it turned out I needed the steroid by the middle of the following week, then I'd pick it up.

One of the rare times I look at TV is when I am very sick. I am usually on the go too much to sit down and look at shows for long stints. I binged watched The Staircase, The Undoing, and the documentaries covering Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy. I picked up where I left off on Boardwalk Empire. I checked out episodes of the UK version of Queer as Folk. 

During the whole time, Tyrion the cat would check on me. I only had enough energy for the first few days to go to the bathroom, eat, and drink. I didn't really eat much. My appetite is the first thing to go when I'm sick, but for antibiotics, one has to eat. Because my throat was hurting, nothing I ate or drank initially was very satisfying.

I was feeling better going into Monday, but Jazz was having a medical procedure done, so I put in for time-off in advance. She was still having complications the next day, so to be on the safe side, I stayed put. My first day back in the office was this past Wednesday, but it was the only day because I had put in for vacation on Thursday, and all State Offices were closed Friday to observe Juneteenth. Many people were glad I was back and asked if all was okay. I even tested out going on my routine walks while there to test my energy level since I hadn't done any exercising (not even getting in my steps) since June 9th.

On Thursday, I focused on getting back into the routine of doing household activities. Laundry needed to be done. Things needed to be organized. Stuff needed to be cleaned. I contemplated going to the gym but opted against doing so. Besides, it was enough for me to get my steps in.

Friday was a hot day but a beautiful one. After many days of being cooped up in the house due to illness, I was ready to be out and about. After doing my gym workout, I experienced what I described to Jazz as "exercise euphoria". Perhaps the closest comparison is a runner's high. It wasn't that the workout was very intense. More than likely, it was the joy of being back in the gym after being away. The "high" stayed with me through the day.

After my workout, I went to the house to have some breakfast before showering, getting changed, and going  back out. I first stopped at DSW, determined to stick with my game plan.

Game Plan: Find a white or neutral shoe that can go with pants or skirts/dresses. Find a boot that replaces the army green ones that I can no longer wear.

Total Shoe Goal: 2, no more than 3.

The quest got off to a rocky start. 

This shoe was on the clearance rack. I have a soft spot for a unique heel, so I ended up trying the shoe on. I got compliments on how nice they looked on my feet. They did look nice, but I knew it would take significant modifications for my feet to be comfortable. My first thought was, "I'm not as young as I used to be." The next thought was, "I wouldn't have tried to wear this shoe in my 20s." Both were true. I put the J-Lo shoes back in the box and pushed them out of my sight.

For the first twenty minutes, a combination of events happened. A couple of ladies asked for my feedback on heels they were getting for a ceremony. I got distracted by rainbow-colored Marc Jacobs heels that I couldn't find in my size. I saw some Crocs (insert shocked face here) sneakers that I almost considered getting. Just when I believed that the mission was a bust, I spotted a pair of mules.

Before I get to the point as to why this is significant, a small amount of backstory.

The narrowness of my ankle has always been an issue, even when I was heavier, but once I lost weight, it became more pronounced. Back in the day, I would either wear thicker socks or hosiery or deal with the slippage because it was slight. If it was a day when I had to deal with swelling, then the slippage would not be noticeable.

Now, for shoes that I want to hold on to, I have to modify them. Or just invest in a different style of shoe.

In that traditional sense, getting mules would be a solution because one would not have to worry about the heel portion of the shoe at all. Why? Because it isn't there. The focus is to have it grip well enough in the front so that the shoe won't slip.

See ... the thing is ... well, it is hard to describe. One would have to see how I walk. I am a person that is accustomed to having heel and ankle support. If the shoe doesn't go when my foot goes, then I have been known to literally step out of my shoes. It sounds silly but true. It's the same reason why it's a struggle for me to wear flip-flops. 

Okay, back to these mules. I think it was more because they looked classic. Also, they were black. On a whim, I slid them on. It was only after I found the green boots that I realized I'd walked in the Anne Klein mules with absolutely no problem. For that reason alone, I decided to get them along with the green J-Lo boots.

I was just about to purchase the Crocs when I found my neutral shoe. It was a brand I had not heard of but once I put the shoe on it was in love. On top of that, it would be the first pull-on sneaker I've ever owned. Nope, I kid you not.

After my shoe adventure, I got a few bedding items that were overdue across the way. Once I got back to the house, I spent time going through the old bedding items to discard them, along with any washcloths that had stayed past their welcome. It's amazing how much stuff you hold on to, not just to do with sentimental value, but not getting around to tossing the things out. Or believing you'll get around to using them ... but then realizing it was six months from the previous time you made the statement.

I confess I'm guilty of holding on to things based on "getting around to using them" as well as nostalgia. I am doing better, which is why it's become easier for me to donate or discard articles of clothing and pairs of shoes. Papers items are still a challenge. I am formulating a system of how to handle papers, particularly receipts and medical records, because similar to my grandma, I have a thing with holding on to receipts/evidence of payments, even if it was years ago.

There are a couple of weeks left until I begin my Telework schedule. I found a new desk that can house my desktop and the work computer, so that should be coming in next week. I think it's time that I have a new all-in-one printer. The one I have isn't printing as well as it used to. Some colors it picks up better than others. Needless to say, it has served its time.

I believe the Telework concept is a good thing, overall. Honestly, I hope that once the pilot is up, that it is kept as a mainstay, but made optional so that people who prefer the conventional coming into the office five days a week can still do so. 

Okay, that's all I've got for now. Catch you on the flip side.

Just Saying: Entry 1

 

Howdy, everyone! The Unleashed One has arrived, feeling pretty energized from my early morning walk. I hope everyone's June has started out on a high note. As for me, this is the last day of my break before returning to work the next day.

Initially, for my break, I was going to do some driving. Not too lengthy (because the knee specialist has advised against the continuous long-distance driving) but long enough to feel like I was "away". Yet, the way these gas prices are set up was a "no can do". Besides, where I wanted to travel, too many people were populating the area anyway, and I was not in a space to exert energy to be highly social.

I did end up with a sinus infection ... chalk it up to the changes in weather and all of this pollen, I suppose. Yet, my primary doctor wanted me to test to ensure I didn't have COVID-19, due to the spike in cases.

I admit I did get annoyed because it seems like every symptom that pops up equals "the virus". It was more from a place of knowing my body and coming to terms that I have always been prone to sinus infections. And these symptoms mimicked what I associate with sinus infections.

But, to cut down on the chaos (aka "not wanting to go back and forth with her"), I took the test.

And, like I thought, it was negative. I am still on these antibiotics for the sinuses though.

That's not to say that the break was a total wash.

💡 I did get a chance to reorganize my room in preparation for the Telework Pilot next month. All that's left is to get another desk since my current desk is not big enough for the work computer and my personal computer.

💡 I began the process of getting my passport so I'm awaiting the receipt of the book and card. I haven't decided where I will travel to first once I have my passport in hand, but if you have some good ideas for first-time travel/first-time solo travel, I am open to suggestions.

💡 I finally decided on some looks I'm going for during this month ... therefore, I won't be journaling too long today ... because the hair is going to take some time. The only hint I'll give is that it will be colorful.

💡 My mind has become more active with creative ideas and journal topics, hence why I've been around more often. 

On my next break (where I'll have a good stretch of days), I'll be out and about to enjoy the sights. Even if it's just treating myself to a movie like I used to do back in the day. Or look around at an outlet mall or flea market. Or even get lost in nature at the park or in the quiet of a bookstore. Even explore somewhere new or a new eating area I want to try.

Okay, I still have lots more to do today, so I'll end this random recap of my activities and thoughts for now. Take care.

M.O.M. Entry One

Greetings everyone! The Unleashed One here. Hope that your May is going well so far. For me, May felt as if it snuck in like a thief in the night. Maybe one can blame that on it starting on a Sunday. That's just my theory. 

I am not sure if many of you have picked up on this but I have a thing for acronyms. I was on one of my brief walks while at work. By brief, I mean anywhere from ten to fifteen minutes. I've decided to start doing that on days when the temperature is just right and it's not raining. Plus, it gives me a brief reprieve from my work and prevents me from forgetting to take my shorter breaks.

While walking, I noticed there was a throwback on Facebook involving misconceptions about me. However, rather than doing a huge number (think one for each day of May), I figured I would post some entries in my blog/journal. Some of these MOMs (Misconceptions On Monica) I may not have discussed before, due to these events or revelations taking place recently.

Without further adieu, let's get started.

One of the first topics I'd like to dip my manicured toenail in involves my emotional composition after my divorce, along with my perceptions about love in the present.

MOM #1: Since my divorce, I have become bitter and have given up on love entirely.

I have experienced many emotions, but it may surprise those reading to know that bitterness wasn't one of them.

I was saddened that it didn't work out because he started out as my friend. As I mentioned in a previous entry, written on the anniversary of my divorce, I was okay with us not working out romantically, but there was a brief time when the friendship could have stayed intact ... until it couldn't. There are not enough apologies or attempts at redeemed behavior that can make a friendship work between us again. It took me time to properly mourn over our friendship, the death of who he presented to me. 

One can be sad and feel liberated at the same time.

When everything got finalized, I felt liberated. I did not know what my future held. All I knew was I'd rather face the unknown alone than stay in a situation where I knew the two of us were unhappy (although he'd never admit that). He could live his life the way he pleased, and I could get to the business of living life in a way that would fulfill, fortify, and heal me ... whatever vision that looked like.

The breakup provided the breakthrough to realize how broken I was. How much healing that I had to do. The failure of the marriage put me on the pathway to learning.

Since it had been so long since I'd gone out and dated (I had been with my ex for close to nine years), I was not familiar with "love bonding", spotting "hobosexuals" (individuals who cozy up to a woman just to have a place to stay), guys making a woman feel like a top choice but she's actually in a "holding pattern", or a man making do with a woman that would get him perfect for the next woman.

The brief relationship I was in demonstrated that I was still open to love ... that no matter how much disappointment and pain I'd been through in other relationships, there was still a snippet that remained optimistic. By this time, I had improved in being more vocal about what I liked and didn't like. Questioning in the interim what didn't make sense to me.

Although the union did not last long, it showed my awareness had improved in what wasn't working for me. I still had more work to do.

Fast forward to the present day.

I have not given up on love but the romanticized presentation of the term. I think love is bigger than what is presented in a romantic comedy or the glorification of the struggle (re: against all odds in order to be together). Companionship isn't always going to be easy going but if it's a mental, emotional, and spiritual roller coaster every day, then that's toxic.

I've had enough toxic waste during my existence to fill a galaxy, Sprit knows. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting companionship where peace is placed on a pedestal.

The way that I see and love people skews differently from others. Attractiveness does have its place but it pales in comparison to a person's intellect. Not just a few lines here and there to get my attention, but really know how to have a conversation. To not only share what one does, but what one thinks and feels about subjects outside of one's self. Based on individuals I've encountered over the years, this has begun to become a rarity, not the standard.

There is also increased sensitivity to language. This careful selection of words. In a new age where an opinion with the wrong word usage can be seen as triggering, what marks the balance between being authentic and being rehearsed? Speaking from a place of being a creative sort, does that translate into navigating through the dating world and relationships differently, now that I'm in a space where I no longer want to apologize or make concessions for who I am?

I addressed in a previous entry whether I was ready to go back out and explore dating. I would probably do a different approach when I decide to make the move. More conversations, not just online but also on the phone, would have to occur before a meet and greet. Plus, the meet and greet I would not limit to just items having to do with the usual (re: dinner and a movie) ... a bit more diversity in activities as well as other characteristics.

In addition, maybe a hierarchy. Sort of similar to my current interactions with people. For me, just because a meeting doesn't end up in a second date doesn't automatically mean that I would want to quit talking to the person. Yet, the only way I would offer friendship is if I'm indeed interested in pursuing that. I'm not an individual that just says that as a line to shut someone down. It just leaves the gateway open for another type of connection if that person wants to ... no hard feelings if the person chooses not to.

Overall, I believe that will be the healthier, most important way to go about the process. Not to overthink. Not to assume but have clarity. Exert equal and reciprocal effort. See the reality of a person, not the empathic deep dive into potential. If I approach from that angle, who knows what will blossom?

Until that time comes ... and until next time.

Y is for Yawn

It's just one of those days.

After about two and a half weeks of talking about this new work, I finally get exposed to the new work.  I'm trying very hard to not yawn but it's not going all that well.  It's not that she's boring.  It's just that there are times while teaching me, she's telling me the wrong things.  Plus, when I ask her "why" a certain thing is done the way it should be, she's baffled.

For example, I asked why this particular organization always uses Mapquest to calculate mileage.  In my opinion, Google Maps is a lot faster than Mapquest.  Yet her answer was, "Well this is the way they want it done."  That's her answer with a lot of the things.  It's her way of saying, "Don't ask me too much about why.  It's just how it's done so you should just do it."

I am not trying to be difficult.  I'm just curious about how much is done here because no one wanted to rock the boat vs. the practice actually being efficient or effective.

I just figured I would ask.  Yet the ugly look she has been giving me has suggested that's not such a great idea.

Peace.

V is for Vigor

Short little ramble:

At first, my thoughts would come one at a time.  There were moments when I wish a thought would just come and stay a while before flying away.  Then the worst was when I didn't have thoughts at all.  Now I am immersed in an ocean full of them and have brain waves jocking for position.

What vigor!

Oh well.  It's just this writing life.

Peace.

U is for Unity (or lack of)

Do people really have a sense of unity anymore?  There are so many people with awesome ideas.  Even people who are quick to cosign on the ideas.  Yet when it comes time for performing, you encounter an empty room.

A friend of mine came up with this idea for an event.  The person she talked to was all ecstatic about it, even saying she would sponsor it and the other members would chime in with promoting and advertising.  However, after the initial idea was presented, the promotion of it was slim to none: to the point where I thought the whole shebang had been cancelled.

The irony is a few days ago, the very person who talked about sponsoring the event sent an email saying everyone needs to "support each other more".  Yet those very people are a no show at this event that could have raised sales and helped a cause.

I just don't understand.  (shrugs)

The point I'm getting is that one should just not talk about being unified but actually be unified.

Peace.

T is for Time

Time is a very precious thing.  It is one of those things you cannot get back so it must be utilized wisely.  The one thing that is worst that a person wasting time is when another person causes time to be wasted.

Just recently, after many months of one of the apartments (rooms in the house) being empty, new people moved into Apartment Four.

Let me back up and explain the living arrangement.

I'm in one of those houses that's considered a historical house.  What you see a lot of where I live at is where certain segments of the houses are rented out as apartments.  This particular house is divided into six apartments.

Apartment One: The very back (basement)
Apartment Two: The right

Apartment Three:  Left 1st floor

Apartments Four & Five: Left 2nd Floor

Apartment Six:  The very top (attic)

I'm at the very top.  It's inconvenient in the summer because I have to use more air to keep cool, but very convenient in the winter because I need less heat to stay warm. (heat floats upwards and such)

Now that we have a visual--back to the story.

The new people moving in were quite loud.  I was willing to let some of it go when they first arrived.  The whole getting adjusted and celebrating: I get that.  

It has become a constant thing.  I don't know what noise is being made during the day because I'm at work.  Yet they get wound up at around 8:30-9:00 at night.  During this time, the Sweetie is making his way to work and I'm the one up in the apartment.  The noises consist of but are not limited to the following:

• A small ass dog (think rat dog) constantly barking:  Keep in mind that initially dogs weren't allowed to be on the premises
• Loud bumping, banging and slamming: I swear they are either wrestling, fighting or doing demolition work
• Loud ass talking: I am able to tell you the name of the guy this chic is having sex with, what time she's getting her nails done, when she's cussing out her kid--the whole nine

This is what I've had to deal with ever since they have moved here.  I reached my breaking point last night heading into this morning.  

The dog barked for almost two hours straight.  Loud cussing, talking and carrying on.  Although my body made it to the bedroom by 11:30, I did not get to sleep until almost 3.  

This morning--functioning on a little less than four hours of sleep, I wrote my "delightful" neighbors a little "love note", asking them to turn the volume down on the constant noise.  They are going to act in one of two ways.  If I err on the side of optimism, they will keep the noise down and we can all live happily ever after.

Yet, it seems everyone who has ever lived in Apt. 4 previously has given me hell.  So I wouldn't be surprised if I end up getting the other scenario: where I am ignored and they continue to do the very thing that will have me consistently in Stage Nuclear.

If that ends up being the case, the cops will be on speed dial.  The landlord will end up being the one getting harassed because I pay too much money to not be able to enjoy peace and quiet the few hours I'm able to even spend at the apartment.

Peace.

Q is for Quiet Time

What do I do for Quiet Time?

Well, I tend to read and write.

Hold on; wait a minute!

When I read, I tend to form a review--even if it's work I'm randomly reading.  When I write, at times it is in relation to my next work, things to share on Read Wave or things to blog about.

I guess my idea of Quiet Time would be everyone else's interpretation of just what I do on the regular.

I guess I could incorporate sleep.  Yet at times I dream about things I could be writing about.  Then, I wake up from sleep to jot those things down.  Durn I guess that isn't fully quiet either!

I guess I should be asking "What quiet time?"

Peace.

P is for Put Off

Greetings everyone!

What I really wanted to write up there was p*ssed off (lol).

Anyway, let's get to the gravy on the mashed potatoes.  Most of you probably already know that I do reviews for The Review Board.  In addition to putting up the reviews on TRB, I put them up on Goodreads, Amazon, and Amazon.co.uk.  Also, people who have reviewed my work have put their thoughts up on Goodreads, Amazon, and the like.

I started noticing that reviews have been disappearing from Amazon.  Reviews that had gotten the seal of approval many months ago and went up without a problem before.  First, they were from two of my poetry works.  I alerted the reviewer that their thoughts had disappeared.

Then, it started happening on books I had read and reviewed.  Not just read and reviewed, but reviewed favorably (like 4 and 5 stars with no spoilers).  And if they had spoilers, I would indicate it--then it wouldn't be that big of a spoiler.  Two books I picked up on right away because I had just done a review on her third book.

When I contacted Amazon to figure out why the 4 and 5 star reviews for the two books had been removed, I got a generic email that covered none of the situations whatsoever.  The author wants me to put them back up, but I'm concerned as to why this is not only happening to me but to other people as well.  Wouldn't Amazon crack down on the crappy reviews instead of the good ones--if they wanted to regulate so much?

It just doesn't make that much sense to me.

I know this the part where you guys are thinking: "Is that it for this blog post?"

Actually, it is.  I just wanted to vent for a moment and put that gif up there...lol.

Peace.

O is for Observations (Crazy gif warning alert)

Random things I've been observing:

1.  I see more retweeting on Twitter than actual interaction (conversations) between people.

2.  You get more Facebook likes if you are dolled up than just looking natural.

3.  If you put up a pic that shows off your mountains or your assets, the increase in Facebook likes is uncanny.

4.  When you put up a Facebook status that sounds like a rant, why does everyone respond to it except the person you are really talking about?  Or worse, what if you are just sounding off in general, yet someone reacts to it in specifics?

5.  More and more I'm realizing people are not being one hundred percent honest when they say they want honest reviews.

6.  There are certain people that only pay attention to my Facebook wall when I'm talking about the wrestling pay per views yet are quiet other times.  Am I being used for entertainment purposes only?

7.  The quality of the reads I've been receiving the past few months have declined while the ones I've chosen randomly are on the rise.  Is that coincidence?

8.  I always have this one area of my back that itches from time to time that I can never reach.

9.  Musicians who have been in the game for a while are trying a bit too hard to still remain relevant.  Let the music stand the test of time.  You don't see Aretha Franklin and Chaka Khan constantly talking about their sex lives, doing stripper like performances, and calling it good music.  Yet their music stretches the test of time.

Will I remember these others for their vocal range or their songs?  Not saying they aren't talented but so much of these extra antics.  (just saying)

10.  It's mad interesting how a person who is quick to call another woman a whore and all things slutty is coming out with a sex tape.  I know Joseline Hernandez is cracking the hell up at the Mimi and Nikko sex tape.  Maybe Mimi is trying to be the next Kim K.  Maybe Nikko is trying to prove he doesn't switch hit (I still don't buy it; he gives off bi/gay energy.)

It's amazing how I know these things yet I don't even tune into the show like that.  The thing that trips me out about Mimi is that she always was trying to act like she was better than anyone else on there--yet she is just as ratchet as the rest.  At least Joseline claimed hers and never acted like she didn't strip and do all that other stuff.  Mimi if you want to put it out there, do you, but please quit acting like you are a cut above--stunting like you're NY Strip but really cube steak.

Okay, that's about all for now.

Peace.