30 Days of Thanks...Day 30

Day 30:  I am thankful for writing. 

I am thankful for this blog.  Without writing and without this blog, there are so many good people I would not have encountered.  There are times when I just read my past blogs and reflect on where I was then, compared to where I am now.  It makes me feel good not just to get my words out there but to hear any type of feedback from what I've written.  The best feeling of all is if someone has read something that has helped them out of a dark place, a tough situation, or they just needed something inspirational to grasp on to.  The greatest joy, for me, is not receiving, but giving.  The greatest treasure is not measured by the amount of tangibles but by the intangibles.  I am blessed.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 29

Day 29:  I am thankful “so far, so good” is the flow when it comes to my current health status.

I had my six week follow up with my doctor.  My levels are holding up well, even though there have been times when they have been lower than others.  The doctor still hasn't figured out why my levels are higher before food than after I have eaten, since it’s usually the other way around.  He did recommend that I increase the frequency in which I eat, since I usually don’t eat unless I’m hungry and I don’t get hungry often.  He ordered for some more labs to get done; if the numbers are in order, he may take me off of one of my medications.  I am hopeful and thankful.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 28

Day 28:  I am thankful my cramps are becoming more bearable.

Usually on Day Two, I am in pain to the point of tears.  Today, however it is bearable.  I probably will venture to work out, although it’s been a while since I have worked out on a Wednesday.  The last time I worked out, it really helped my cramps.   

Plus, I found it mildly amusing that a few of my coworkers were exceptionally grumpy at the day job, which made me wonder if they were on their periods.  Then, I remembered that they are old enough to be experiencing menopause.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 27

Day 27: I am thankful for the snapshots that are being shown to me.

Although I did come forward with the information I mentioned in my Day 24 post, the type of response which followed was one which caused a bit of disappointment.  However, it wasn't surprising to either myself or my other co-worker.  

The handling of this matter just shows me how out of touch management is with their entire operations.  Their priorities aren't in sync, and my co-worker and I are weary of the madness.

I think of the situation that happened with this company and SOS.  They didn't have concrete proof of what they accused him of, but because a select few in management didn't like him, they let him go.  

There were others where they had proof of wrong doings, yet those people still have their jobs.  

It makes you wonder have things gotten so bad that a company would really rather hold on to mediocre employees than to invest the time to get quality people. It seems, more often than not, the answer to that question is yes.  

Although I am trying to stay above the fray, seeing all of this madness go on with nothing being done about it to my satisfaction, is really weighing on me.  It doesn't surprise me that the morale is low there among those who are working hard because the people around who do wrong are still there.  In some cases, they are the ones getting the majority of the hours.  You have leaders who don’t know how to talk to their crews and who aren't doing the majority of the work, yet they are the ones who are getting the praise and the credit.

Sure this type of thing may happen at a lot of places but it is excessive here. 

I definitely have to make moves.  This isn't worth my travel.  This isn't worth my time, and it definitely isn't worth the money.  Not all that I've had to go through, especially in the past four months.

Financially, I’m not in a position to not work another job as of yet, but I can’t see myself staying at this place another year. 

In the 2^nd job, I am aiming for closer, like less than 20 minutes drive.  20 minutes drive isn't bad but for the pay I’m getting it doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense.  I’d prefer if it were from home so I wouldn't have to invest the gas.  I’m aiming for higher pay.

If I can (although I haven’t heard back yet), I want to get a full time job which is paying more money as well as benefits.  That way, I won’t have to keep working two jobs.

The sooner I can get away from the 2^nd gig the better.  

It’s damn near suicide to try and keep afloat when this place reeks of unnecessary bull….

Peace.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 26

Day 26: I am thankful for listening to my body more.

I was feeling very crummy, so I opted not to come into work, although a part of me wanted to be stubborn.  However, I don’t think I would have been in the best shape to be on the phones and stay concentrated on tasks, anyway.  Besides, why make others sick?

I did spend most of the day sleeping, not really wanting to do much.  I think the extra sleeping and some of the medication helped.  I will be up and at ‘em tomorrow. 

Today was definitely not the day.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 25

Day 25: I am thankful for being able to have a nice Thanksgiving meal and for SOS’s slicing and dicing skills.

Although I got off a little late on Sunday, I did manage to have enough energy to prepare the free turkey, along with some dressing.  I added some steamed potatoes, peas, and some cranberry sauce.  I didn't make a lot, since it was just SOS and myself.  

I do still want to do some pies, but I will probably wait until later on in the week to bake some.  

Besides, Christmas is right around the corner.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 24

Day 24: I am thankful for taking time to weigh out things and take anger out of the equation before making a decision.

Ever since the two new girls have started working at the 2^nd job, things have gotten a bit tougher for me.  On days when I know I shouldn't be short money, I've been short money.  I know I haven’t gone senile.  I know I can do math.  I just haven’t liked how this whole scenario looks.

I found out I hadn't been the only person missing money.  The other person who had been working there for a while, primarily during the evenings had been missing money, too.  He alerted me that he knew for certain what one of the girls was doing.  Once he pointed it out, I had noticed the same thing as well. 

However, when I asked him why he didn't mention anything, it is because he fears that nothing will really be done about it.  I have to confess that his fear is not unfounded. 

This is the same organization who has leads and management tell you to leave expired food on the shelves so that it can look full….

I did struggle with whether I should say anything.  I’m not one to go around and snitch on people.  However, when it affects not only me but another person who has worked there for almost a decade, I feel it would be wrong not to say something.

Today, I know there was a certain batch of lottery tickets I didn't sell, but when it came time for me to punch out, I noticed tickets missing.  When I ended up short yet again on a day where I should have been up $1.00, it just kind of confirmed for me that I need to make someone aware.  I can only pray they handle things properly.  Even if they don’t, at least they know the situation is happening, and the other person and I can quit being looked at as if we are thieves.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 23

Day 23: I am thankful for days when I don’t work both jobs, which is rare.

On this day, I had off from the 2^nd job anyway.  They rarely have been working me on Fridays.  I did decide to take a day off from the day job.  I was originally going to take off Wednesday, but the other lady decided she was going to take off.  Plus, since I was working the night job anyway, I decided things perhaps worked out for the best after all.

I didn't do any holiday cooking, since I got the free turkey a little late from the 2^nd job.  I did decide to play catch up on some things I had on my DVR.  I just did the best I could to relax, which can be a bit hard for me, since my mentality is like, “I have to be doing something.”

Well, I did take down my loc knots and was very pleased with the curly results.  Chescaleigh was right.  When you do one strand knots rather than 2 strand knots, the curls look more uniformed.  For me, they turned out a bit curlier as well.

I also played around with some makeup, even though I didn't really go anywhere.  One of my closest friends on Facebook called one of my looks, the Nicki Minaj look.  I wasn't even thinking about that chic until she said something about it.  I am a bit perturbed that I seemed to have misplaced the liquid eye liner.  

I played around with some darker looks, but some of those I didn't post.  Perhaps I’ll save some of those pictures for something else.  

I am so impressed with how good the pictures are coming out on from the Samsung II phone.  I may even do a comparison between my older camera (a 7.1 pixel), my newest camera (a 14.1 pixel) and the phone just for clarity.  We will see what happens.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 22

Day 22:  I am thankful for those who have been there for me, particularly through the tough times.  This time of year tends to get a bit trying for me every now and again, so thanks to those who have given me a laugh when I've needed it.  Thanks to those who have sat and listened patiently when I've ranted, not known what to say, or cried.  Thanks to those who didn't quite know what to do but tried anyway.  Thanks to those who knew that if I was distant, it wasn't a reflection on them but on what I was going through.

Happy Thanksgiving!  I love you guys!  I won't be doing any traditional Thanksgiving cooking, but it will be reserved for the weekend, since I got surprised with a free turkey from work just a couple of days ago.  And  nothing is worse than eating frozen turkey.

Peace.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 21

Day 21:  I am thankful that the 2nd gig check, which normally drops in on Wednesday, decided to drop in a day early.  It was indeed right on time.

I am also thankful the refund I was waiting on surfaced back into the bank account.  I was so disappointed that the Skull Candy headphones I got worked great when it came to listening to things but wasn't compatible with my new phone in the sense that when I tried to push the button to answer a call, it didn't work.  I thought the defect was in the headphones I had but even when I tried the ones SOS had, it did the same thing.  It is what it is.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 20

Day 20: I am thankful that although I am depressed, it isn’t nearly as bad as it has been in years past. 

I have battled with depression for quite some time.  Although society has come a long way, there is still quite a bit of stigma among the African-American community as it pertains to mental illness. 

Growing up, I have heard some of my family members say the following:  

“Black folks get the blues; white folks get depressed.” 

“Black don’t crack.”

“There’s no such thing as depression.”

“Depression is a white person’s disease.”

The list goes on, but those are the top four. 

When you hear things like this, even if you are exhibiting symptoms, you are hesitant to get help because of the stigma associated with it.  I could just write off my symptoms as a bad case of the blues, but there’s a difference between blues and depression.

Unfortunately, because of the messages of a black person, particularly a black woman, having to be strong, even if she is cracking, she can’t show it.  She can’t let any other person really know because of the fear she would be judged as weak.  I have had moments when I suffer in silence because there were messages ingrained in me not to break down.  It’s like you don’t have permission to “not deal.”

My major argument is if depression doesn't exist, then why is there a whole segment of science as well as medication carved out for depression?  There was one person I dealt with, and he asked me how I was feeling; I told him I was feeling depressed, and he’s like, “There’s no such thing as depression.  You’re just being very sad.”  I feel like the attitude is somewhat dismissive, and plus, he hasn't had to deal with bi-polar people.  I've had to deal with three, and they are a handful whether they are on their medication or not on it.

I believe that depression is one of the diseases that go un diagnosed by the African-American community due to the shame or misconceptions.  White people don’t have depression on lock; it’s just you hear about their cases a lot more because their community is more open to talking about it.  They treat it like any other disease that needs curing. 

I've gone un medicated for quite a while now.  It was suggested to me by someone at the clinic that maybe I should attempt to get back on the medication.  I did tell her that I do feel like therapy would help me more than medicine, for I don’t like feeling muted.  Some of the medication I've been on not only muted waves of sadness but downplayed times when I was feeling joy.  Plus, it was harder for me to write on the medication.  I understood where writers were coming from—those who were diagnosed with mental illness—when they just didn't want to take the medication for it affected the vivacity in their writing. 

I have yet to find a really effective therapist.  The one which I did like stopped taking the insurance I was on back then, and I couldn't afford to pay for her out of pocket.  All the rest of them were misses.  So I would rather hold out until that program returns to the clinic.

I can’t get caught up in the sorrow.  I have to do things to keep myself active.  Yes, I know sleep is important, but I feel like I’m sleeping too much, even though I know the medication is causing part of it.  I also know that excessive sleep is a sign that my depression is growing, and I’m trying to cut it off before it gets a bit too overbearing.

I know that SOS is dealing with his things as well, so my feeling like this couldn't have come at a worse time. 

I admit I haven’t mastered how to communicate my feelings of depression without him wanting to just fix it. 

There’s no way he can really fix it, per se, unless he magically comes into some extra money and is able to send me away to spend time with some of my friends and family down South without me having to feel rushed to come back and take care of things right away.  Or unless I can find employment down South and be closer to home, which is ultimately where I want to be.  However, that will take him further away from his mom, and with his (step) dad’s death still being fresh, I’m not sure it’s even appropriate for me to even re-mention my yearnings for home.

I know I don’t want to move to another location where the only person I know is the people someone else knows.  Or if I’m in a location to be close to someone I can easily get to…maybe in a couple of hours, not 14 hours. 

I know he is in no position to fix it, but I want him to at least be open to listening.  I don’t want him to feel worse because he cannot.  I just need him to accept that family bonding means a lot to me, and I’m used to having family traditions.  When I’m not near my family during times when I usually can be, it does put a damper on my mood.  When I’m not able to recreate the ambiance (to keep me from being moody or sad), it further adds to the depression. 

I’m coming to terms that I’m depressed now.  I’m taking the best steps I can so it won’t get worse.  For that progress, I’m thankful.

Peace.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 19

Day 19: I am thankful SOS decided to do laundry.

For the past week, and the last few days was just the culmination of it, I've been a little bit emotional, but it’s mainly due to the fact that Thanksgiving is upon us.  I think about all the memories I have back home, from spending time with Grandma and Grandpa.  I remember baking some of Grandma and Grandpa’s favorite desserts days before Thanksgiving. 

Things like that which aren't close to me start making me a bit sad.

I know that it’s hard for him to understand, since his family isn't really big on celebrating holidays, but for me, these things mean a lot. 

Yesterday, I had a plan to do so much—get some more writing in, do some laundry, but I just hit the pinnacle of emotional exhaustion with the car mishap.  SOS told me to try to relax and he would do the laundry for me tomorrow.  I know he probably thinks it’s small, but for me, it really meant a lot.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 18

Day 18:  I am thankful to strangers, who unbeknownst to them, made a horrible day much more bearable.

As I was getting ready for work, my car wouldn't start up.  I noticed that one of my settings for the lights, which is always on auto when I’m behind the wheel, was switched.  I know I had the original battery in there which came with the car.  However, I do think I may have been able to stretch it out a bit if this mishap didn't happen.

The mishap cost me money I had reserved for a bill, gas money for the week, laundry, and to bring some food into the house.  It also didn't help that I had to replace my phone, which was on its’ last leg.  It just couldn't have come at a worse time, and I was feeling some sort of way, especially since I've been the only one bringing in income for a little over two months now.

A combination of feeling overwhelmed, homesick, and just things going wrong all at once just made me feel incredibly emotional. 

The shop got opened late, so I was trying to play catch up. 

When you deal with travelers, you deal with all types.  Some people just seem naturally crabby, and you don’t know why.  Others try to go out of the emergency door, even when the sign and you tell them the alarm will go off (yet they set it off anyway). 

On this day, however, I had more of the pleasant and jovial variety—more than I had in a long time, for during the weekend is when one tends to get the most difficult of customers. 

I saw travelers just happy to be alive. 

I saw the volunteers who had come all the way from my home state of Mississippi to help the Red Cross with Hurricane Sandy and were on their way back home.

I saw travelers who said they were happy to see me because I was one of the more pleasant people they had encountered since being in Jersey.

I saw people who just wanted to talk and needed someone to listen, even if they would never come this way again.

All of this helped me to better deal with what’s going on.  No, it doesn't bring back the time or the money, but it definitely aids me to cope.

Peace.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 17

Day 17:  I am thankful that technology still has the ability to amaze me and make me feel like a kid who got the item on display in the window. 

My name is Monica, and although I am fascinated with all the latest technology, I tend to wait until the bugs have been worked out or it goes on sale in order to obtain it.  Perhaps it stems from the way I was brought up, but I don’t see the point in blowing over $700 for anything electrical if the basic necessities have not been met.

I have never gotten caught up in the whole iPhone vs. Android debate.  My thing is whatever phone serves my needs while maintaining affordability is the one which gets my vote. 

I got my first cell phone back in 2001.  Back then, all I wanted it for was emergencies.  I wasn’t interested in games, camera, Facebook, none of that. 

As times changed, so did the phones.  I adapted to the times, but I was also a bit slow in doing so.  I’m not saying I’m against change, just that if the old use had me satisfied, why mess with a good thing?  The new phones and their abilities fascinated me.  The cell phone was more than just for talking.  You could do messaging, gaming, texting, navigating, photography---it’s like having a mini computer in the palm of your hand, and a few of them involve a pretty big palm.

My favorite phone from the days of old was a Motorola.  It had a dragon design on it and it was a flip phone.  It served me rather well.

Once I came to terms with the fact I was a bigger texter than talker (guess some things never change—the whole preferring writing letters to phone calls), then I fancied the phones which had a keyboard. 

Although I loved the keyboard on the last phone I had (a Motorola Charm), it was the phone, along with the Blackberry, which gave me the most problems.  I didn’t cash in an early upgrade, like I had before, but did decide to wait things out.  I knew I risked not getting the speed of 4G, since the Charm was 3G, and I was missing out on the amazing innovations, but I opted to wait until it became more affordable to me or until my Charm played out.

Well, my Charm played out.  I would like to call it possessed by the “You Need An Upgrade Demon.”  It would cut off for no reason (even when it had enough battery life).  It would freeze in the middle of texting and calling.  I deleted my Facebook app off of there because it kept freezing, but even after the delete, it was still having problems.  Neither battery (cause the Charm came with two) was alleviating the problem.

I had known for quite some time the top two contenders for my upgrade.  One was an HTC One S and the other was a Samsung Galaxy S II.  Both of them had features I really liked. 

However, I was sad because everything was touch screen, and I had gotten so used to having a physical keyboard.  I worried about the adjustment. 

Plus, the HTC One S didn’t have a SD slot for memory expansion, and I was used to having a way to store pictures and other items, externally.  The Galaxy S II did but it ran about $50 more than the HTC One. 

I was still doing battle with it in my mind when an early Black Friday special popped up stating the Galaxy phones could be free, after the mail in rebate of course, and the Galaxy II was in the running.

So…having to deal with a dysfunctional charm or to walk away with a functioning Galaxy?  Guess put in that way, what happened next was inevitable.

I still feel like that kid who got the thing she always wanted in the store window.  I haven’t played around with all of the features yet, but the ones I am enjoying so far…

The camera, especially the self portrait feature.

Photo editing.

The automatic brightness feature.

Being able to voice search items on the Internet.

Being able to join Instagram

Customization of the font, although I like the default the best.

The weight of the phone (I know some people have complained about it, but I like being able to feel where my phone is at.  With my smaller ones, it has been harder to tell.)

Impressive load time.

Clarity of screen images, video.

The ease of deleting certain text messages or all text messages.

I am thoroughly enjoying my S II.  It was in the budget I had (which was limited), and although I have to wait about eight weeks, I’ll be getting the money back, so it will be as if I had gotten it for free.  

30 Days of Thanks...Day 16

Day 16:  I am thankful for still having the ability to catch even those who think they know me off guard.

They say most Virgos are creatures of habit.  For the most part, that seems to fit me.  Every once in a while, I think it’s good to mix things up.  I think that aspect is quite appealing. 

Even those who have known me for years. 

A situation which puts a smile on my face was when I got back from the gym.  My normal routine is first deciding whether I’m going to soak or not.  If I don’t soak, then I debate between showering right then or waiting until early in the morning.  Then I take my nightly dosage of medication before retiring for the evening.

Well, SOS was sitting back, playing Black Ops II, in the bedroom.  He always prides himself on the ability to multitask, so I decided to put him to the test.  I decided to play my own game of “Maneuver the Joystick.”  

Let’s just say he wasn't nearly as good as multitasking as he originally thought.

So after that initial surprise, I retired for the evening.  I woke up like I normally would to come to the day job and decided to surprise him some more.  Guess it shows if you want something bad enough, even if you aren't a morning person, you will rise to the occasion.

The moral of the tale: Keep him guessing.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 15

Day 15:  I am thankful for the splashes of inspiration all around.

There are so many magnifiers of things going wrong.  At times, it seems as if everyone is drinking the doom Kool Aid.  Media of all types feed off of the negativity; lots of instances, negativity generates a lot more revenue and attention than anything positive.

Even looking in a Facebook news feed, you see it.  Some has to do with who one associates with.  If one has friends who are about the excessive drama, or even if that friend has friends who only get hype when things aren't right, it can be chaotic.  Yes, everyone has freedom of speech, but sometimes,  you want to tell some people, “Shut the hell up.  Your speech rights have been revoked.”

I can’t be the only one…or am I?

However, the majority on my Facebook friends list (only exception may be people I have on there just because we share a Facebook game in common) are people who have a positive and inspirational way about them.  I’m not saying they are perfect.  Everyone has a moment, myself included, when he wants to say, “I’m upset; I’m pissed off,” and not get judged because it’s the one day he just doesn't feel like smiling.  However, they aren't constantly getting caught up in a lot of drama; if they do, they are not constantly advertising on Facebook.  They know how to handle their business.

I am thankful to them, for some of them remind me to keep it together.  Goodness knows there have been days when all the wrong threatens to suck me in.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 14

Day 14:  I am thankful for all the progress I have made in terms of friendship.

This has been a very long winding road for me.  Friendships were never easy for me to really come by.  As I was growing up, there weren't a lot of girls in the neighborhood for me to associate with.  I tended to stay to myself. 

I got teased a whole lot as I was growing up.  It made me feel like I wasn't a worthy enough human being to be friends with.  Therefore, I would grasp at whatever straw was out and tell myself the straw was enough.

For example, I was known to be pretty smart, and when a test or a major assignment would come up, I’d be the person who suddenly gained a bunch of friends.  They wanted answers; they wanted to pass the class.  I knew these people really didn't like me; then just wanted what I would be able to provide.  

After the hype of the major tests was over, I’d go right back into obscurity.  The cycle of ridicule would restart.  It felt good to be wanted, even if that high wasn't worth the end result. 

It was around junior high, going into high school, when I decided the straws weren't enough.  If someone wanted to be friends with me, I wouldn't put myself out there or make the first move.  Each time had proven to be disastrous to me.  

I was one who provided equal opportunity; during those years, I didn't discriminate.  I didn't care about color.  I didn't care about gender.  I didn't care about sexual orientation.  I didn't even care about habits—even bad ones.  As long as you wanted to spend time with me, it was okay.  Or was it?

I began to realize since I didn't put down any boundaries as it pertained to the friendships, then the people behaved as if there were no rules.  So I experienced many instances of betrayal from people I believed were my friends. 

In hindsight, I realize just because there were certain things or behaviors I wouldn't do didn't mean they knew it or they would adhere to it.  As much as I want to get mad at those other people, I have to take a certain level of accountability because I didn't communicate what were my boundaries and I didn't have any requirements in place in terms of the type of friendships I wanted.  Even how I defined friendship –for everyone didn't have the same definition.

I am learning there’s nothing wrong with me not wanting certain types of people to be part of my circle.

There’s no crime in controlling the level of interaction I have with certain people. 

So, I've been growing, and I am thankful for the growth.

Peace.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 13

Day 13:  I am thankful I am beginning to see sparks of the initial connection between SOS and me.

Every relationship, whether it is friendship or a relationship, goes through ups and downs.  Even the best of relationships go through it.  With me, it has been no exception. 

When things began between SOS and me, it felt like a breath of fresh air.  I felt like I could talk to him very openly.  I allowed myself levels of vulnerability that I didn't allow with anyone else, even the person I had been with for almost six years. 

I can’t quite pin point when the ultimate shift took place.  I can recount certain events which caused my initial openness to begin its’ retreat. 

Before I knew it, the person I thought I could talk to the most started becoming the person I couldn't talk to at all. 

I reverted back into old habits of silence and dealing the best way I could.  I just saw signs that he was dealing with his own stuff and felt like he didn't have room for mine (in the form of listening).  When I finally was at the point where I wanted to express myself, it came out in a way where it seemed like I was agitated, and he, in response, would just shut down. 

Our times when we would just talk with no distractions started to dwindle.  Times when we would just do stuff together began to decrease, and not just because of the working situation.  It was like being stuck in limbo.

Inklings of the spark have started to surface again.  The first talk we had was a few days ago, and it had been a long time since we had.  No TV, no video game, no text interruptions.  Just us.  It felt good. 

We had another moment like that today.  It had been quite a rough day for me.  Certain things are occurring at the 2^nd gig, trying to manage finances—just a culmination of things.  It was just good he was able to provide a listening ear, like it started out in the beginning.

It just shows sometimes the key to happiness is just for the person to do the things you liked and appreciated in the beginning.

30 Days of Thanks...Day 12

Day 12:  I am thankful to all the men and women who have served and who currently serve in any branch of the military.  They made a choice to serve their country in order for the rest of us civilians to enjoy the freedoms we have.

Much love, respect, and appreciation to my classmates who are currently serving, those who have served, and those who have served and have passed on (Thank you, Grandpa & Love You!).

30 Days of Thanks...Day 11

Day 11: I am thankful SOS didn't kill Ma Maow the cat.

Sunday was a very tough day at the 2^nd job.  The midday person called out, so I didn't get much of a break to do anything.  My levels were acting funky; I didn't get a chance to eat much.  Overall, I was just feeling a bit exhausted, which I’m wondering whether it’s a side effect of one of the medicines I’m taking.  I looked at the bottle but didn't see it listed.  Perhaps I will look it up online.

I had planned to wash my hair, but since one place’s prices were a bit outrageous, and the place I normally go to was closed, I opted to try to relax.

While I was trying to relax, Ma Maow made an appearance in the room and got on the bed.  This isn’t really out of the ordinary for him to do.  He even laid next to my pillow, which isn’t strange for him to do.

What happened next, however, was.

I don’t even know why the cat did it.  I’m not sure if I can rationalize why the cat did it, but he grabbed one of my front locs with one paw, and clawed the base of my loc, near the scalp, with the other paw.  I yelped in pain and when I got the cat to quit scratching at my scalp, he started pulling on the front loc; SOS dislodged Ma Maow’s claw; the cat tried to hide under the bed, but SOS got the broom and ushered the cat out of there.

The front of my head still hurts some; the cut in the scalp is healing.  I've never had anything like that happen to me—not with any of the cats I've had.  If I was scratched, it was usually justified—like trying to give one a bath (most aren't too fond of water), getting placed in a cat carrier, you know things like that….

But to just be resting and to feel tugging, clawing, and a sharp pain, it just bothered me. 

SOS thinks we should get rid of the cat. 

I guess I should rewind to how SOS and I ended up with the cat in the first place.  I may have covered it in another blog, but feeling a little too lazy to try and dig up exactly where.

It was around the time my grandpa had passed away.  I was getting ready to head down there, in fact.  One of SOS’s former co-workers and his then fiance  (they have since broken up) were in the process of moving and the place they were moving to didn't allow cats.  They had asked SOS if the cat could stay until they found a place which allowed pets.  

At first, I wasn't too big on the idea; I still had Colby and Franklin at the time, which was already one cat too many, plus I was concerned with how Colby and Franklin would adjust to another cat, since it had been the two of them for so long.

As it got closer to time (my preparing to make the drive to MS), I got approached about it again.  The last thing on my mind was making an executive decision on a cat.  I told SOS I would leave it to him.  I was too caught up in my grief and being there for my grandma, so on the day I was packing to head out, the co-worker and the fiance brought the cat over.

So for a good three weeks I was away, so I wasn't around for the whole initial adjustment period, but one I returned, I picked up that Franklin got along with Ma Maow fine, but Colby and Ma Maow stayed at odds, pretty much until Colby and Franklin died last October. 

Then, I struggled with whether I should continue to keep the cat.  Like Ma Maow was there but I could tell he was used to his old masters; I never felt like I could really bond with him.  He wasn't overly affectionate, like Franklin, or overly playful, like Colby.  However, I knew it was unrealistic for me to expect him to fill the void of Colby and Franklin.

So I opted to keep him.  Once it hit home that Colby and Franklin were no longer around, Ma Maow started to become more comfortable with roaming around in the apartment.  He finally got comfortable enough to spend time on the bed.  His behavior seemed pretty mild mannered, but all of that has changed recently.

This incident is the first one of its’ viciousness but it isn't the first time he’s scratched or bit me unprovoked. 

It’s the culmination of these things which makes SOS’s point about getting rid of the cat become more and more valid.  I’m definitely taking it under consideration.  I don’t have paperwork on him because he isn't originally mine, so I’m not sure if I could contact someone about taking him.  Or do the more old fashioned way and just let him loose outside.

But for now, Ma Maow’s no longer allowed in the room.  Little does he know it’s more for his protection than mine.