Day 13: I am thankful I am beginning to see sparks of the initial connection between SOS and me.
Every relationship, whether it is friendship or a relationship, goes through ups and downs. Even the best of relationships go through it. With me, it has been no exception.
When things began between SOS and me, it felt like a breath of fresh air. I felt like I could talk to him very openly. I allowed myself levels of vulnerability that I didn't allow with anyone else, even the person I had been with for almost six years.
I can’t quite pin point when the ultimate shift took place. I can recount certain events which caused my initial openness to begin its’ retreat.
Before I knew it, the person I thought I could talk to the most started becoming the person I couldn't talk to at all.
I reverted back into old habits of silence and dealing the best way I could. I just saw signs that he was dealing with his own stuff and felt like he didn't have room for mine (in the form of listening). When I finally was at the point where I wanted to express myself, it came out in a way where it seemed like I was agitated, and he, in response, would just shut down.
Our times when we would just talk with no distractions started to dwindle. Times when we would just do stuff together began to decrease, and not just because of the working situation. It was like being stuck in limbo.
Inklings of the spark have started to surface again. The first talk we had was a few days ago, and it had been a long time since we had. No TV, no video game, no text interruptions. Just us. It felt good.
We had another moment like that today. It had been quite a rough day for me. Certain things are occurring at the 2nd gig, trying to manage finances—just a culmination of things. It was just good he was able to provide a listening ear, like it started out in the beginning.
It just shows sometimes the key to happiness is just for the person to do the things you liked and appreciated in the beginning.