Hello everyone! The Unleashed One here with a new episode of Affirmations August. If any of you want to catch up on previous entries, the links will be provided at the end of this post.
Me: December 2016
It was around late 2016 where I decided to embrace the way I looked. True, past doctors were harping on me to lose weight. A couple had already written me off as a bit of a lost cause, since no matter dosage of medication I was given to treat the type 2 diabetes, the benefit of weight loss just wasn't boding in my favor.
It wasn't that I decided to give up. It was really accepting where I was and adjusting. Instead of thinking that all I could really wear were oversized T-shirts, sweatpants, and baggy jeans, I could dress differently. To accentuate the positives and cover up the negatives. I got to where I was feeling rather confident when I walked in a room, to the point where even if I was packaged with a little extra, that would be seen less by others because of how I presented myself.
It was almost a year later that a series of events happened that caused significant changes:
(a) In October 2017, under the advisement of my doctor at the time, I got the flu shot.
(b) In mid-January 2018, I got very sick. Turns out I got the flu, along with other complications. Reason being? I wasn't protected from this strain of flu. Just my luck.
(c) I noticed that I had lost some weight. Other people began to notice as well. I first noticed it in my face because my face wasn't as full anymore. However, I wasn't initially concerned since most people gain the weight back once the flu has dissipated and appetite returns.
So ... what happened to me?
My appetite didn't bounce back to normal.
Neither did my weight.
I noticed some loose skin, particularly around my thigh area and the arms. The sagginess was bothersome to me, and I looked into what I could do about it to at least improve the appearance. All research led to firming them up via strength training.
This research is what led me to return to the gym, after taking a break due to financial hardship in 2015.
In addition to going back to the gym, I made changes in my medical care. I dumped my old primary care physician for someone who genuinely cares about my well-being. I also got an endocrinologist who realized that I needed to switch to a new medication. Those adjustments put me on not just a new track but the right track.
Although this was all great, a new struggle was taking place for me mentally. I had just come to terms with loving the physical shell of me in 2016 - 2018. Now, my body was starting to look entirely different.
Yes, my body was changing but my mind was slow to catch up.
I kept picking up my old size in clothing. Yes, even my underwear.
I kept seeing my old frame in the mirror and thought the person looking back at me was a stranger.
I cherry-picked at certain features. My eyes looked too big for my face. My cheeks seemed smaller. Was my neck extra long? My fingers were very skinny. Some of these statements were true. Others were just a bit ridiculous.
At times, I would get mad at the smaller frame, even believed that I could put back on all the extra weight, that I would feel better. Yet, I had adjusted to a new way of eating. So, even the concept of eating too much or in excess made me ill.
I had to make this affirmation to remind myself every day - to love this body no matter what shape or size it is in. I am just now at a stage where I can experiment with new styles that I never would have years ago. I'm having fun in this frame now.