|"Oh, we're doing that again?"|
References: The Un-sexy Chronicles: Intro ; The Un-sexy Chronicles I: Saggy Pants ; The Un-sexy Chronicles II: Profanity ; The Un-sexy Chronicles III: I Don't Do Funk
The Un-sexy Chronicles IV: Lack of Creativity
Okay before people start getting overly upset, I’m not saying that a person has to be a musician, poet, or artists, even though I do have a weakness for the artistic types.
This is just my way of saying, “Work with what you have—whether it’s a lot, but especially if it’s a little.”
Scenario: Camille has just recently started dating Ramon. For the first three dates, they have mainly been checking out a movie, grabbing a small bite to eat at a fast food stop, and then stopping by her place for some heavy make out sessions. She likes spending time with Ramon, but the movies and fast food are getting old, and she yearns for a change of pace.
One day while they are chatting on the phone, they are discussing plans for another outing.
“So, is the usual good?”
“Yeah, Ramon, about that. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy going to the movies, but can we just try something a little different?”
“A little different? What you mean?”
“Well, how about a restaurant?"
“You mean, one of those sit down joints? Camille, you should know I’m not that type of cat to be spending ends like that. I like movies; you like movies. Why fix it if it ain't broke?”
“I get what you’re saying, and we can still do movies from time to time. What’s wrong with wanting to do something new—to be in a spot where we can do more talking and trying to get to know each other?”
“First off, Camille, how much more talking do you want us to do? Secondly, we can talk for free after the movies and grabbing a snack.”
Awkward silence, followed by Ramon’s roommate calling for him in the background.
“Hey, that’s my roommate. Let me see what he wants. We’ll discuss this more later, okay?”
“Okay, fine, Ramon.”
A few minutes later, Camille calls one of her friends.
“Hey, Camille, what’s the deal?”
“Yo, Trina, Ramon is cool and all, but I don’t think he and I will be dating again…”
fade to black...
Could this whole fiasco have been avoided? Perhaps it could have been if he took the time to exercise some creativity.
Let’s peek at the misconceptions:
1. The automatic assumption at the price tag on the restaurant
First off, Camille didn't specify what type of restaurant she wanted to go to. She did want the location to be somewhat quiet, so instead of trying to talk to each other during the movie or even trying to get some words in during a makeout session, it could be a situation where they could really listen and hear what each other is saying. I know restaurants where you can spend under $30 for two people and still get that same ambiance.
Think about how much that guy is spending on movies in the theater. Those aren't cheap unless you go to the matinee, and even matinee prices are getting outrageous. Plus, refreshments, if they opted to get any. Even if they didn't they are stopping somewhere else to get some fast food.
Depending on the restaurant, he might be better off doing that rather than the movies because he may end up saving money. However, because he didn't want to be bothered with specifics and automatically assumed it was going to be high end and out of his price range, he quickly shut the idea down.
2. The assumption that just because Camille liked one activity, it meant she didn't want to do other activities
Just because a person likes one activity, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to do it all the time. Sure, I love playing video games, but I’m not going to be devastated if I can’t do it all the time (no disrespect to the hard core gamers; I love ya’ll.). It’s unrealistic to expect that in dating. How many movies can you go to without being tired of the same scene? How much fast food can you eat?
Variety is not only the spice of life; it’s the spice of dating, too. Do dates that compliment different interests, not just one. Or if you really enjoy food, try different types of food and cuisines. Ramon is really missing out on opportunity to take their dating further for not being open enough to want to do new things based on different interests.
3. The assumption that enough dialogue had been established between them to where further talking would be worthless
The getting to know phase may not be the most exciting phase, but it is a phase which is essential. Even people who have been together for years end up finding out new things about one another. Therefore, why would Ramon assume all the necessary talking has been done? Does he really want to go deeper with Camille? Or is he really playing the field? These are valid questions. Also, is Camille’s expectation of the dating different than his? Whatever the case, there is a definite disconnect.
4. The inability to see if both of them could come to a compromise concerning an alternate dating location and/or activity
If Ramon would have sought out more detail rather than holding on to his assumption about the “expensiveness of the restaurant”, then perhaps he and Camille could have come to a compromise concerning the next date.
He could have said, “I’m not into the whole formal suit and tie thing. What type of restaurant did you have in mind?” Then she could have clarified what type of restaurant she meant, and they could have gone from there.
If it was indeed a budgeting issue, then he could have suggested that he prepare a meal, and they could have a sit down at his place or a picnic. It would still have the type of ambiance she’s looking for, and he wouldn't necessarily be breaking the bank.
However, since none of this came up in conversation, perhaps it served as an opportunity missed.
I am a person who understands there are times when money is tight. I also understand if you have been with women who aren't happy unless you spend an arm and a leg on every date, therefore leaving you a bit jaded.
I feel your pain, but I am not them.
I am a woman who enjoys doing different things. Quite a few of those different things do not require exorbitant amounts to be dispersed. I am not going to say that I don’t like fine dining and fine arts every now and again, but I don’t expect it all the time.
Best believe, however, I’m not one who wants to do the same thing every time on every date. Therefore, if you are one who can’t add a splash of variety when it comes to dating, then you can keep on walking. I’m going to save you the agony of not hearing from me again.