Halloween: Resurrection (Sometimes They Come Back)
There are two things you may or may not know about me.
#1 Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, and I will talk more about that in a separate entry.
#2 I’m a horror film fanatic.
I’m not talking about Scream or I Know What You Did Last Summer. I don’t really consider that horror as much as mystery movies with killing in them. I also think Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity are lame.
I’m talking Night of the Living Dead (black and white version), Dracula, Psycho, The Omen, The Exorcist…you know, movies like that.
My favorite three characters in horror are:
Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street)
Michael Myers (Halloween)
and Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th)
It’s like each time you tried to kill them, they just keep coming back.
Although some of the sequels bordered on stupid, it was interesting to see what method the hero(ine) would use to kill them off.
Certain exes can be like that, too.
You think you have fried them, staked them, buried them, even performed some spell that has damned them into the next universe. You even think you have frozen them or drowned them…
Only for them to return.
One in particular I feel I must spotlight. For some of the background, here are the reference points.
After our breakup back in 1996 (no typo), a lot of things have taken place. I estimate about a year or so after the breakup, he did acknowledge that he was attracted to the same sex. He claims he did not act on it during the time he was involved with other females (myself included) because he felt ashamed and thought the feelings would go away.
However, I did find fault with his logic, which is, “If you would have just gotten back together with me, I wouldn't have started dealing with men.”
I’m sorry; I’m not going to take responsibility for something that’s been in you like Gatorade.
My theory is if he wants to live his life that way, that’s fine, but to not make me the ultimate catapult which got him in it. He would have gone that direction any way. Perhaps, it would have taken him longer.
Then, as time went on, he decided to cross dress. He started altering his appearance to make himself appear more womanly.
Although I have never experienced seeing him in person all diva’d up, I have seen photos of him, and he doesn't make a bad looking female.
I know most of you wonder how I even get news about him during the years. It’s because one of his male cousins and I are still very close friends; I know a lot of people who know him. He just casually comes up in conversation. It is never one of those times where someone is bombarding me with information about him.
The communication has been on and off.
Usually, when he hits me up, he always talks about us getting back together. His view of our relationship is one way; my view of our relationship is a bit different. He has held on to the belief I am his soul mate, that he completely messed up, and he wants one more shot,,,
Each time he comes at me that way, I don’t respond to him.
In the earlier years, I was still hurting, so I spent a few years after our breakup being bitter.
However, it was around my junior year of college that the anger really started to dissipate, and I felt I could really just chalk it up to bad judgment on both our parts and leave it at that.
But then, he would keep picking at it, like he didn't want the scab to heal.
Everyone else seemed to grasp and understand the impact he had on me. Everyone else understood why I didn't really want to associate with him. All except him.
Then when I got to the point where I could say something to him without all that anger coming to the forefront, he would take it as a leaf we were getting back together, which was why I was like, “I can’t talk to you.”
I can’t talk to him if he keeps putting the “let’s back together “thing on the table. I don’t even know if he and I can really be friends (at least the way I define friendship; everyone’s definition is different). He and I didn't really have a friendship (in my opinion) before he and I got back together.
But I can be civil to him, especially since he and I have friends/classmates in common, especially with a few of them being cousins. I don’t want it to be awkward for everyone; I think enough time has passed.
So after many months of him reaching out to me, which he has been doing on a fairly consistent basis, more so now than over the years, I finally responded to his many messages on Facebook. Since he seems more comfortable being in drag, visually, it makes it easier to talk to him, for I see his drag persona more so than the guy I was with 16 years ago.
However, I think he still sees me as that female from high school, which is why I’m hesitant about his proposition that we meet.
Yes, it would probably serve as much needed closure face-to-face, definitely for me.
The true test is will he be ready to accept me where I am (as I've come to accept him) or is he still waiting for that 17/18 year old to fall for his sweet lines….
Guess that means a sequel is in the works.