Musical Truths, Day Thirty~If There Is No Me

30.  Compose your own song.  Describe the type of beat…or what song it would be similar too.  What would be the lyrics (of if its’ going to be an instrumental explain why).  Also share what, if anything, you learned about this challenge.


Well, it's the end of the road.  A few days later than I anticipated...for that, deepest apologies.

I wasn't sure where my emotions would be by the time I got to my day Thirty.  Would I be in a happy place? Peaceful place?  Confused place?

When I write, my writings have to be truthful.  I can't conjure lovely dovey when I'm not at that place.  You know you will get the realest representation of where I'm at during that particular period.

And I haven't been in a pretty place in a couple of weeks....a wacky combination of wanting to reach out and needing solitude, since you can't reach out to everybody.  Have to be careful who you choose; it marks the difference between being on the road to feeling better and ending up ten times worse.

As far as my song....well, the beat would be intense, but not intense in a hip hop way...more like violins and piano playing.....classical like...that is what I envision.  I did put words to it.

What I did learn about this challenge is how universal music can be.  You can put multiple songs to a particular situation, and that all these musical truths make me look like I'm a hot mess that needs my own reality show....lol

But what can I say; I'm me.

Maybe one's future would be brighter if there is no me.

But here's my little composition.  Thanks to those who participated and took the ride with me.

One.

If There Is No Me

Part One:

How do I let you know
That as time slowly flows
Even though there’s Love in both our hearts
We will start to drift apart

And it’s nothing you’ve done
No this wasn’t just for fun
Just a glimpse of the future
And I can clearly see
That you can be the best you
If there is no me

Chorus:
I know you will say
I’m the best that you ever had
And I supposed that type of thing
Should make me stick out my chest
Boast or be glad

But when I see what you could be
This heaven is really your misery
I think in time, you will come to see
I did you a favor by setting you free

Part Two:
How could I express myself
When I knew you truly felt
That I am the completion of your life
That I’d be the perfect wife

And it’s nothing that you spoke
That caused everything to be on yoke
Just a glimpse of the future
And I can clearly see
That you can be the best you
If there is no me

Chorus:
I know you will say
I’m the best that you ever had
And I supposed that type of talk
Should make me stick out my chest
Sashay when I walk

But I see what you could be
This heaven is really your misery
I think in time, you will come to see
I did you a favor by setting you free

Bridge:
Please don’t call
Because I’ll just hit ignore
Don’t post on my wall
Or bang on my door

I know you won’t believe it
But indeed it’s true
I’m doing all this out of love
For the best possible you.

Part Three:
And it’s nothing wrong that you spit
I felt the same way with your spirit
Just a glimpse of the future
And I can clearly see
That you can be the best you
If there is no me

I know you will say
I’m the best that you ever had
And I supposed that type of thing
Should make me stick out my chest
Boast or be glad

Chorus
But when I see what you could be
This heaven is really your misery
I think in time, you will come to see
I did you a favor by setting you free

(fade out)

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-Nine~Thank You

29.  Dedicational song to the person/people who always had your back.

For Grandma & Grandpa:

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-Eight~Hit The Road

28.  Someone who hurt you in the past comes back for a second chance.  Depending on your response, what’s the song?


Well, in most cases, the person doesn't really get a second chance.  The ones I did give a second chance to, I ended up regretting it.

So, what can I say?  Hit the road, Jack!

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-Seven~Going Out

27.  You’re getting cabin fever from being in the house and just want to get out for the night.  What’s your joint?


Two songs I have to attach to this one:

Well, I guess I can put the Missy, Lil Kim version down, too...even though I like the Kool & The Gang style better:

Musical Truths, Day 26~Feeling My Sexy...

26.  You’re feeling your sexy; name that tune.

Wow, this one is definitely a toughy....but I guess for the whole "don't stop; get it; get it" ambiance, it would have to be......

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-Five~Wind Down

25.  You are about to indulge in your favorite food or drink to wind down.

Listening to something smooth while drinking something smooth really hits the spot....

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-Four~Getaway

24.  You are on a vacation to the place you’ve always dreamed.  What is the song?

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-Three~The Revival

23.  You were in a deep state of anxiety, fear, and depression but you are slowly but surely coming out of it.  What song marks your revival?


I couldn't really narrow it down, so I just decided to go with all three.

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-Two~You Turned Your Back

22.  The very people you thought would hold you down at your worst have abandoned you.


Familiar space and this song definitely seems to fit-

Musical Truths, Day Twenty-One~Awful Breakup

21.  Your worst breakup ever~what wound be the main song on the soundtrack?

Well, I had two pretty devastating breakups, both I covered in the Love Challenge.

One was with Person R, the guy I was engaged to and had a very tumultuous relationship with.  The way things ended was almost insulting.  I kept thinking of all the hell I had gone through.  I felt foolish, sad, very sorry for myself, my essence stomped out.  The song I kept on repeat was this one.  Even now, I still can't really listen to this song a whole lot.

 

The other breakup was with Bittersweet.  There was a myriad of emotions involved with this because of the way the breakup was done.  And then I discovered this other person being in the picture.  What was my most prevalent emotion was anger, then the feeling of being ripped apart.  So for Bittersweet, it's a combination of these two:

Musical Truths, Day Twenty~So U Wanna Talk Shyt....

20.  Someone is talking shit about you on the Internet (face book, my space, twitter, etc.)

Well, I'm sure this has happened to quite a few people.

The downfall to all of this technology is that there are more ways to talk trash about people now.  Before it was mainly "he said/she said."  Or a handwritten note found somewhere.  Or overhearing a phone conversation...perhaps an old fashioned confrontation.

But who does that anymore?

It's way too easy to put up a status on Facebook, put nasty things on someone's wall, or do a little Twit with some Internet acronyms.

I am not immune to it, and unfortunately, even if you threaten to whoop someone's ass, there's always going to be someone who acts a fool, not care....just to see how far he can push you.

I can only control how I react to it.

Back in my younger days, I will admit that I had the tendency to be very cold.  I would do these thoughts of revenge.  Sometimes, they would play out.  More often they would stay in fantasy.  In a few cases, there were other people who despised the person even more than I did....so I wouldn't have to do anything.

But as one gets older, you have to debate whether the energy invested is worth it.  You have to pick the battles...not every one of them requires guns blazing.

And some of them you might look back at and laugh, wondering, "This little shit had me this worked up? I should have done like Snoop and brushed it off...."

I just stick to this line, "People hate what's great."

So all the Haterade is just a reminder of how great I must be.

Putting in that perspective makes the whole drama close to laughable, even when you want to phuck someone's world up at the time.

So I definitely have to go with my girl Jill on this one...

Musical Truths, Day Nineteen~U In Trouble....

19.  Your child does something to violate your trust; what soundtrack would mark his/her Doomsday?

This was a hard one for me to answer because I don't have any children.

Then, I was thinking of what scenario I could use in my past to answer this, but I have Grandparents that put the fear of God in me if I messed up....so I couldn't even draw upon that.

However there is a soundtrack that plays in my head if any of my future seed(s) (let's hope there are some in the future) got into trouble...and it goes a little something like this--

Musical Truths, Day Eighteen~Get Out My Face

18.  You are having a very off day and just don’t want to be bothered.  What’s your jam?


I definitely have to go with my girl Monica...during her Miss Thang days.

Musical Truths, Day Seventeen~I Wants My Money!

17.  Someone has borrowed money from you and has been ducking and dodging you for weeks in regards to payback.  What would be the song?


Five words:  Bitch betta have my money....

Musical Truths, Day Sixteen~Rent Oh My....

16.  The landlord wants his rent money; it’s day twenty and your money is going to be delayed for another ten days.


It was a little tough for me to find a song to fit this one...so I guess if my landlord was open to negotiating the rent at a lower cost, this would be my intro:

Musical Truths, Day Fifteen~Cut Who....

15.  You’re trying to decide which magazine to buy at the check lanes but you are clearly in line.  You are so busy checking out the titles that you don’t notice until it’s too late that someone cut in front of you .

Musical Truths, Day Fourteen~I'm Missing You

RIP Grandpa--You'll Be Missed
1919-2011

14.  You just experienced a death in the family.

Musical Truths, Day Thirteen~Karma

13.  Your boss tells you that your services are no longer needed. 


I went through this nightmare back in 2005.  I had given almost five years to the company.  The store had reached record sales while I was employed there, both as an assistant manager and a manager.  I made myself very available to the point where my health suffered.  And in the end, I was given the boot.

Through it all, one word resonated for me: Karma.

Just recently, I found out the one who dismissed me got dismissed himself.

Karma.

Musical Truths, Day Twelve~Gimme 50 Feet

12.  At work, you’re dealing with a customer , co-worker, or boss who pisses you off.  What song goes through your mind? (any stage of this engagement will do)

I know I'm a day behind or so...still playing catch up, but this particular scenario applies to something I had to deal with at my recent part time gig.

I'm a cashier at this little retail spot.  It's overpriced on purpose because of it being off the NJ Turnpike; plus, they figured if people are desperate and do not feel like stopping anywhere else, they will pay the extra cost.  Not saying it's fair, just good for business.  

My temp assignment at the other place ended yesterday, so for now, I just have this one.  It's not a hard job, just certain aspects I have to get used to, like dealing with ringing up lottery at the end of the night, which before tonight, I only did once.

Well, I've encountered different types of managers since I've been there.  The head boss is nice; he is very by the book, though.  I don't have beef with him but I have already picked up that some of the employees do.  However, I used to be a head boss of an establishment so I recognize it for what it is.

Then there is this other lady who is a manager.  She's kind of the head boss's second in command.  I think she usually works days.  However, she seems to be the stereotypical "black woman with an attitude."  She acts like that with everyone.  She came across at me very rudely yesterday when I came in at 5:30.

Now the head boss is the one that does the schedule for my particular area.  He knew about me still being on assignment (that I didn't get off from there until 5 and I wouldn't be able to make it until 5:30), so he put in print I wasn't to come in until 5:30.

How about when I clock in, she sucks in her teeth and is like, "What time are you supposed to be in?"

I told her at 5:30; although I know most are scheduled for three, the head guy knew about my situation and scheduled me for 5:30.

I thought she was just having a bad day, but everyone told me that she always like that, no matter how nice you are to her, so not to even waste my time.

But neither one of these are the manager I speak of.  This guy I speak of is one who tries to be friends with everyone, tries to joke around like he's one of the crew...I'm not saying he's a bad guy but he has to know when to say when.

If you are too much of a friend with your crew, then when you are in charge, they won't take you seriously.  Plus you may expose how much of an idiot you truly are.

Well, this manager likes to joke with me.  He jokes with everyone but he seemed to go out of his way to joke with me.  He found out I was from the South so he tries to do some stupid Southern accent thing sometimes when he is talking to me...this, I find annoying...because my drawl is not that pronounced...heck folks from MS say I sound like I'm from up North.  It is barely noticeable unless you piss me off.

But the thing that annoyed me the most is the comments he made about the money.  They like for your money to be right on the nose, but there are times when it may be over or short.  If it's off by more than $5.00, then it starts being a bit deal.  And I mean $5.00 either way, even if it's over.  My variance has only been in cents. 

But he will make comments such as "I'm glad your register is not off...or I hope your register won't be off...like this person."  And in two of those instances, the only ones that have been in the room has been him, an employee that has been with the company for a while, and me, who is on day 5.  So he can't be talking about anyone else except me.

But tonight, he really took it to a whole different level.  I think it is unprofessional in the way that he jokes with people period.  If other folks want to call him on it, that is their battle.  I'm not going to fight that one for them.  

But I do care about how he addresses me. 

He has management power, but he's ten years younger than me and struts around like his shit don't stink...has no idea how to be a good manager.

So tonight, he was acting a bit rude, even though he hadn't trained me on how to do lottery procedure.  It was only my second time because I'm usually the one who doesn't get the lottery money.  But what really took the cake was there was another employee who was happy his till was on the money and he made that same little comment in reference to the money while blasting me out.

After the lottery and the counting of my money was done, I went back upstairs because I was trying to give myself a chance to calm down.  However, he opted to follow me to get me to talk to him, and because he didn't give me my space, I did black out on him and tell him I didn't appreciate him joking with me about my job performance in front of other employees.  I told him it was highly unprofessional.

I didn't appreciate him not giving me my 50 feet because I probably could have calmed myself down.  I still would have talked to him...but later when I was calm....or if I didn't want to be confrontational about the issue would have called the anonymous hotline or talked to the big boss when he was back on duty.

But since he didn't....he damn near got cussed the fuck out.

So I may not have a job within the next couple of days.  But who said I had stopped looking.  But here is the song just for times like these....

Musical Truths, Day Eleven~Excer...what?

11.  You’re doing your workout routine or trying to get motivated to exercise.

I know there are so many reasons why I should be exercising more.  It's good for my overall health.  It will assist in losing weight.  Maybe I wouldn't have to get a breast reduction if I worked out.

Oh, so many things....

But even good health, in some cases, seems to cost money.  Some of the fitness clubs want monthly dues that with some branches, are hard to cancel.  The Y isn't always accessible.  I don't have a nearby workout buddy; personal trainers can get expensive.

And when you don't have a steady stream of income, roof over head, food to live on, and the basics start overruling where I can do yoga or cardio.

My intentions are good...I swear.  I just need to gather the means and what way will keep me motivated to continue....but here is one song that gets me pumped up every time I hear it.