Spring Forward or Fall Back

 

Hello. I hope everyone is having a good day today. With some exceptions, today is the day that the clocks "Spring Forward", meaning that the clocks moved forward one hour. I always use the "Spring Forward, Fall Back" to remember how to set the clocks (I still have some analog ones in my house, plus I'm a stickler for the time being shown on the stove and microwave).

I may be the outlier in this, but my body has more difficulty adjusting to the clocks being an hour ahead than being an hour behind. It takes a good two weeks for me to acclimate. I'm unsure whether it is because I feel like I get more sleep when the clocks are an hour behind or what. No, I won't miss it being dark at 4 p.m., but it's not like I'm still out after 8 p.m. any way to appreciate the extra bit of sun in the evening.

A few days ago, one of my very best friends and Spirit Sis posted this to her Facebook wall, and I wanted to use it as a launching pad for what I want to talk about today.

I am the type of individual who doesn't believe in having substantial amounts of filler, especially when it comes to people. I have enough awareness and discernment to gauge who would be a great fit on an intimate level versus who aren't. By intimate, I am not speaking about physical intimacy, but people who I connect with mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I do have hierarchies, and not everyone is on the same level, even those on the same tier.

I rarely permit an opening for new energy, but there were opportunities in 2023. I don't remember whether I mentioned it in my 2023 recap; it probably got lost in the shuffle. I do remember nothing resulted romantically, but there was one person who really excited me in the friendship realm. The few moments we talked on the phone (mostly seemed to love to text), it felt as if we could go on for hours without missing a beat. This person was expansive, and it was rare to find an expansive conversation in the Social Media landscape. We spoke a lot about meeting; I was very open to doing so, despite always having some social anxiety when meeting new people.

However, a pattern I noticed was inconsistency, followed by withdrawal with no communication or explanation.

I typically allow the other person to set the initial tempo of communication and then I follow suit. For example, if Sally is a person who reaches out every day, then that's the tempo I anticipate. There's nothing to say that things do not happen and the tempo can get out of whack. I don't even blink if a day has passed and the person hasn't said anything.

When, it gets to two days, three days ... 

My approach to the situation depends on several factors. If the communication has been in the "good morning and wyd" dessert and hasn't progressed to anything else, I make my exit. I don't even respond. I just block and go on about my day. If I am still interested in getting to know the person, I will address the behavior and give the person the opportunity to respond.

When I noticed the pattern, I brought this to the individual's attention. The person was apologetic and said, "I'm going to do better." I sat back and awaited "the better".

The better would arrive for a while, then the pattern would resume. Since the fallback was usually "being busy", I was willing to withdraw altogether. In my mind, why put yourself in a space where you cannot deliver the very thing you are asking for? Also, I dislike repeating myself, especially if it's an issue I brought up previously.

Grace was requested; it was granted but admittedly, I'm cautious, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yes, this person had a great sense of humor and was articulate. Unfortunately, the energy could be scattered, and I found the person overwhelmed easily, to the point of completely shutting down instead of just talking, which would have eliminated the conflict.

I understand if someone is going through something stressful, but check in with someone and let them know you need time and space before you start ignoring them.  

When this person pulled their disappearing act in February 2023, it had been two weeks since the last correspondence. Funny enough, the last message was a Valentine's Day message. I ended up blocking the person and went on with life.

Remember when I mentioned in one of my earlier blog posts that death can often resurrect other things (paraphrasing)? Well, when my grandmother took a turn for the worse in January, people I had never heard from and people I had blocked were reaching out to me. Most remained in the blocked space, but one of the blocked individuals was the very one I was cool with ... until I wasn't.

Honestly, I did miss the camaraderie of the conversations.

Yet, if this person didn't have the Purpose, Intention, and Energy that I required for someone to be a mainstay in my life, then one way or another, they would be taken out.

In other words, Spring Forward fruitfully or Fall Back respectfully.

I walked into this second encounter not expecting much. I was transparent with my feelings and thoughts. I let the person know this was not a "to be continued"; it was a reset. The person understood this ... or so I thought.

The more we interacted, the more I was being shown. There was a huge amount of work to be done, and it was more than the standard limitations (time, obligations, and circumstances). I noticed there was a shroud over this person's spirit and that one could not be truly fruitful unless the Spiritual work was in play. I not only did not sense a solid plan for commitment, but I also picked up tinges of resistance and lack of expansiveness in other ways to tackle the blockage. 

To continue on this path, I would have to decide how much energy I'd be willing to expel, and if so, in what capacity. Since all of this was taking place during my grandmother's passing, I put these debates in Higher Counsel, knowing that in due time, I would get the answer.

When we finally set the date to meet, a pattern I recognized from a year ago started trickling in. The person kept trying to convince me this was different but there was not enough variance in behavior to gaslit me otherwise.

The nail in the proverbial coffin was when the greeting didn't even inquire as to how I was doing (I was ill that day) but just stated one was "going through a lot" and "to pray" ... this after being super spotty with communication three days prior.

I recognized Spirit's answer. I removed myself from the equation.

I could not put myself in a position to risk all of the progress I made in my own healing. The person still was not ready upon the second coming, and I'm not sure if the person ever will be. That is no longer my issue to worry about.

This is not to say I won't ever check for new opportunities for friendships or dating. I just can't put myself in situations where it would be "falling back" as opposed to "springing forward". Until then, I am grateful for the rich friendships I have and the memories I hope to make in 2024.

True Reflections: A Twin Flame Story

 

Greetings everyone! The Unleashed One here. I'm taking a pause from "The Layers of Chronic Illness" to do some Spirit speak. 

As many of you are aware, I was introduced to the concept of All Authors by Y. Correa. Because of All Authors' mission, its original one and its new one, I wanted to be a part of it in any way I could.

First, it was by sharing articles here and there on All Authors Magazine (now Quixotic Literary Magazine) before taking a deeper role as being an integral part of the organization. It's cool that I have a title, yet my passion is in the write and being of assistance to fellow writers.

What many of you may not know is that the connection between Y and myself goes deeper. I am not speaking of romance, although in society, that is one of the first images people conjure.

Personally, I know it fires Y up each time the question is asked if we are romantically involved.

As for me, although it is expected, I also find it disappointing that people are unwilling to expand their minds before automatically delving into that think space.

When I was seeking avenues for promoting Reflections of Soul, the way Y and I interacted symbolized a Kindred Spirit connection. Writing was (and still is) our shared interest. It went beyond producing great literature. We also wanted to support others striving to do the same thing. 

Over time, we got to know each other personally and discovered that we had experiences that connected us on a deeper level than just our writing aspirations.

I rarely use the word friend. It is a title that has to be earned. As I've said in the past, more people consider me their "friend" or "best friend" than the other way around.

However, with Y, she felt like a best friend, although I had not uttered the words to her. We graduated from Kindred Spirits to Soulmates.

Funny enough, she and I hadn't even met in person. Lots of online chats. Plenty of emails. Plenty of phone conversations. Neither one of us are into video calling, although she's way more open to that than I am. The closeness was inexplicable and one of the rare times in my life, a level of connectivity I did not question.

When we finally met over six years ago, I would have preferred it to have been more favorable circumstances. No one wants to see a friend go through trauma or hardship. It was my now ex-husband who came up with the idea, and strangely enough, it was one of the smarter suggestions he had.

I still had some anxiety over how it would pan out, but I tend to have anxiety to some degree with new situations. After getting over the aggravation that happened with the rent-a-car and running late, I finally made it to the airport. When I saw her, the anxiety flatlined.

All of those signs I felt. I never experienced the embodiment of that with anyone else, yet with the way we interact, it's the only explanation that makes sense. A person who is your Twin Flame does not have to be a romantic counterpart. Not saying that a person can't be. I just know it isn't that for me.

Visually, we don't look anything alike, but we are reflections of each other.

If I'm not mistaken, this was 2015.

I gave Y the nickname "Roo" because she reminds me of a Kangaroo. She is full of energy and eager to hop from one goal to the next. Eyes wide, always big picture, filled with a zest to improve, encourage, and help the whole. She has gone through some of the worst travesties in life, but there was this fire always burning. 

To see that fire of spirit all in stature of five feet was incredible, inspiring, and healing.

It made me want to be an even better version of myself because I realized that external circumstances had come together and stifled out an inner light I once possessed in abundance.

During that time, I operated as if happiness, joy, architectures of fulfillment were like clothes you only wore to special events, instead of comfortable underwear that you wear every day. I had gotten into that sunken place of moving and doing without even thinking of what purpose it served. An autopilot of mediocrity.

My marriage was not going so well. However, I was not the type of person who ran when the going got tough. I was accustomed to trying to make a way so that operations could resume as normal. The toxicity of the "don't give up" and "ride it out" is when you are doing your damndest to save something and that very person doesn't even want to save what you're fighting for. 

If I had not met Y, I probably would have stayed in that predicament for the long haul. I was taught that marriage was for life. I was taught that you stick it out through "sickness" and the "bad" as well as "health" and the "good".

What do you do when he doesn't stick it out when you're sick? When your Twin Flame knows more about how to care for you when you're sick than the person who made vows with you? When your mate prefers to save other people than to show up for his marriage?

This type of misery could not possibly be what The Universe had in mind for me. When the negativity of events reached its apex, I imploded and exploded simultaneously. He left, and I packed all remnants of his existence in a matter of hours. On my birthday, nonetheless.

I struggled, emotionally and mentally more than monetarily. At one stage, I got counseling to work through the most difficult part of the trauma I experienced with my ex-husband. I was in a relationship but that didn't last long. But through it all, Y remained.

2019

Over the years, I think we have rubbed off on each other. I have soaked in a bit of optimism (although I am still more of a realist), and I have dared to look at the big picture as well as minute details. I can take moments day by day and I don't always have to plan everything out (though I still love doing so). I think she even possesses the secret to weight loss 😲😁😁😄. 

Hey, I'm just kidding about that one ... reference my older blog post for that story.

Present Day

Just like reflections can show the best, they can also show the worst.

I know that at my worst ... when I've had my fill of everything, I go dark. I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be around what's familiar and not branch out any further. The TV becomes an escape. The bed is an oasis. 

Y has been there through the darkness. She has also seen where they have become lighter in intensity and shorter in length.

She is fighting her own darkness. In this case, it's become an expanse ... a thick fog that threatens to block the light. It weighs heavy on her, in all aspects of her life.

However, just because I am in a different place emotionally, mentally, and spiritually doesn't mean that I will not be a warrior for her, as she has been for me.

It's not a Virgo thing; it's a Flame thing.

The Case of the Disappearing Sister (and Who I Thought Was a Potential Friend)

When I first got to know the Sweetie, he revealed to me that he had about eight adopted sisters: in the sense that some of the other families got so close to his family they started referring to each other as family, even though by blood they weren't related.  One of the sisters I got to know, and we even were hanging out--not just the three of us but just her and me.  We seemed pretty cool with each other for the first few years, and I really wanted to believe that I had finally found someone local to hang out with.

After the Sweetie proposed to me, she was very excited about the whole thing, even volunteered to be the wedding coordinator and the maid of honor.  There were certain things I already had planned in my mind as to how the ceremony was going to go, and at first, I wasn't even going to go through the process of having a wedding coordinator.  However, I was trying to learn not to overwhelm myself, since at the time I was still working the two jobs and didn't know how I would have time to do all of this planning and looking.

I took her up on her offer, since she was so ecstatic about it, and she was the adopted sister the Sweetie was the closest to.  We had the wedding party almost finalized and even saw the venue where we wanted the wedding to be held--it was all about getting the money saved back in order to do so.

Then, tragedy struck when the Sweetie's step dad died of cancer, and that's when a lot of things started to change.  I reached out to her, letting her know about what happened.  I told her it would mean a lot if she could be there for Mike by coming out with me to New York.  She apologized and told me she wouldn't be able to go; her job wouldn't let her off.

I was like, "That's fine, but at least call to check up on him."

Her contact with him after that was practically little to none.

Then, when things started falling apart in regards to the wedding party, she started not being as available in regards to the planning, even after I would call and try to reach out to her.  Finally, in one correspondence, I told her not to worry about doing any more of the planning, since I could get consistent communication from her like I used to.

A few months later, my birthday arrives.  She said that after Sweetie and I got back from Atlantic City that she and I would have a spa day.  She was very apologetic about being distant and that she was going through some things.  However, when I hit her up about the spa day, she said she had to work--like she forgot she was telling me she was going to request that day off.

By this time, I'm really confused, and after my birthday, she just stop contacting me.  I even tried to reach out to her on Facebook when I couldn't reach her on her phone.  I didn't get any word from her.  Since the Sweetie was getting a bit worried about her, I decided to do some detective work to try to figure out what exactly was going on with her.

One day after I got off the 2nd gig, instead of doing my normal trip to the gym, I went to the place where she was working at and asked her quite a few questions.  She told me she was going through a lot of things at home and things were all messed up, but she promised to reach out to both Sweetie and me the next time she had a day off (which was the Monday following the confrontation).

Well, that was over eight months ago.

The Sweetie and she usually celebrate their birthdays together.  It had always been their tradition.  They would go, eat and have drinks when in the vicinity.  This is the first year since they have both been in the same state that they haven't.  The birthday celebrating together makes since, considering her birthday is on May 30th (today) and his is on May 31st.

Although he hasn't admitted it, I know he may be feeling some type of way about her disappearance.  He isn't the only one.  I, too, am left with more questions than answers.  He is at that point where he can say, "It is what it is."

I'm not at that junction yet.

I just would like to know why the two people she claimed to love and would never disappear on are seeing air instead of her.  If we did something to her, all she had to do was say something, and we all could have talked about it.  We discovered that she took us off her FB page as well.

It pangs me that during the freshness of the Sweetie's loss, she was practically nowhere to be found, and that is when he really needed her the most.  When she was in crisis, he never did her that way.  He dropped everything to try and look out for her.

So disappearing adopted sister, wherever you are, Happy Birthday.  The Sweetie and I will be waiting to see if there will ever be a reappearance.  However, there isn't a guarantee of a happy reunion.

Peace.