Sunday, March 10, 2024

Spring Forward or Fall Back


Hello. I hope everyone is having a good day today. With some exceptions, today is the day that the clocks "Spring Forward", meaning that the clocks moved forward one hour. I always use the "Spring Forward, Fall Back" to remember how to set the clocks (I still have some analog ones in my house, plus I'm a stickler for the time being shown on the stove and microwave).

I may be the outlier in this, but my body has more difficulty adjusting to the clocks being an hour ahead than being an hour behind. It takes a good two weeks for me to acclimate. I'm unsure whether it is because I feel like I get more sleep when the clocks are an hour behind or what. No, I won't miss it being dark at 4 p.m., but it's not like I'm still out after 8 p.m. any way to appreciate the extra bit of sun in the evening.

A few days ago, one of my very best friends and Spirit Sis posted this to her Facebook wall, and I wanted to use it as a launching pad for what I want to talk about today.

I am the type of individual who doesn't believe in having substantial amounts of filler, especially when it comes to people. I have enough awareness and discernment to gauge who would be a great fit on an intimate level versus who aren't. By intimate, I am not speaking about physical intimacy, but people who I connect with mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I do have hierarchies, and not everyone is on the same level, even those on the same tier.

I rarely permit an opening for new energy, but there were opportunities in 2023. I don't remember whether I mentioned it in my 2023 recap; it probably got lost in the shuffle. I do remember nothing resulted romantically, but there was one person who really excited me in the friendship realm. The few moments we talked on the phone (mostly seemed to love to text), it felt as if we could go on for hours without missing a beat. This person was expansive, and it was rare to find an expansive conversation in the Social Media landscape. We spoke a lot about meeting; I was very open to doing so, despite always having some social anxiety when meeting new people.

However, a pattern I noticed was inconsistency, followed by withdrawal with no communication or explanation.

I typically allow the other person to set the initial tempo of communication and then I follow suit. For example, if Sally is a person who reaches out every day, then that's the tempo I anticipate. There's nothing to say that things do not happen and the tempo can get out of whack. I don't even blink if a day has passed and the person hasn't said anything.

When, it gets to two days, three days ... 

My approach to the situation depends on several factors. If the communication has been in the "good morning and wyd" dessert and hasn't progressed to anything else, I make my exit. I don't even respond. I just block and go on about my day. If I am still interested in getting to know the person, I will address the behavior and give the person the opportunity to respond.

When I noticed the pattern, I brought this to the individual's attention. The person was apologetic and said, "I'm going to do better." I sat back and awaited "the better".

The better would arrive for a while, then the pattern would resume. Since the fallback was usually "being busy", I was willing to withdraw altogether. In my mind, why put yourself in a space where you cannot deliver the very thing you are asking for? Also, I dislike repeating myself, especially if it's an issue I brought up previously.

Grace was requested; it was granted but admittedly, I'm cautious, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yes, this person had a great sense of humor and was articulate. Unfortunately, the energy could be scattered, and I found the person overwhelmed easily, to the point of completely shutting down instead of just talking, which would have eliminated the conflict.

I understand if someone is going through something stressful, but check in with someone and let them know you need time and space before you start ignoring them.  

When this person pulled their disappearing act in February 2023, it had been two weeks since the last correspondence. Funny enough, the last message was a Valentine's Day message. I ended up blocking the person and went on with life.

Remember when I mentioned in one of my earlier blog posts that death can often resurrect other things (paraphrasing)? Well, when my grandmother took a turn for the worse in January, people I had never heard from and people I had blocked were reaching out to me. Most remained in the blocked space, but one of the blocked individuals was the very one I was cool with ... until I wasn't.

Honestly, I did miss the camaraderie of the conversations.

Yet, if this person didn't have the Purpose, Intention, and Energy that I required for someone to be a mainstay in my life, then one way or another, they would be taken out.

In other words, Spring Forward fruitfully or Fall Back respectfully.

I walked into this second encounter not expecting much. I was transparent with my feelings and thoughts. I let the person know this was not a "to be continued"; it was a reset. The person understood this ... or so I thought.

The more we interacted, the more I was being shown. There was a huge amount of work to be done, and it was more than the standard limitations (time, obligations, and circumstances). I noticed there was a shroud over this person's spirit and that one could not be truly fruitful unless the Spiritual work was in play. I not only did not sense a solid plan for commitment, but I also picked up tinges of resistance and lack of expansiveness in other ways to tackle the blockage. 

To continue on this path, I would have to decide how much energy I'd be willing to expel, and if so, in what capacity. Since all of this was taking place during my grandmother's passing, I put these debates in Higher Counsel, knowing that in due time, I would get the answer.

When we finally set the date to meet, a pattern I recognized from a year ago started trickling in. The person kept trying to convince me this was different but there was not enough variance in behavior to gaslit me otherwise.

The nail in the proverbial coffin was when the greeting didn't even inquire as to how I was doing (I was ill that day) but just stated one was "going through a lot" and "to pray" ... this after being super spotty with communication three days prior.

I recognized Spirit's answer. I removed myself from the equation.

I could not put myself in a position to risk all of the progress I made in my own healing. The person still was not ready upon the second coming, and I'm not sure if the person ever will be. That is no longer my issue to worry about.

This is not to say I won't ever check for new opportunities for friendships or dating. I just can't put myself in situations where it would be "falling back" as opposed to "springing forward". Until then, I am grateful for the rich friendships I have and the memories I hope to make in 2024.

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