Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Case of the Disappearing Sister (and Who I Thought Was a Potential Friend)

When I first got to know the Sweetie, he revealed to me that he had about eight adopted sisters: in the sense that some of the other families got so close to his family they started referring to each other as family, even though by blood they weren't related.  One of the sisters I got to know, and we even were hanging out--not just the three of us but just her and me.  We seemed pretty cool with each other for the first few years, and I really wanted to believe that I had finally found someone local to hang out with.

After the Sweetie proposed to me, she was very excited about the whole thing, even volunteered to be the wedding coordinator and the maid of honor.  There were certain things I already had planned in my mind as to how the ceremony was going to go, and at first, I wasn't even going to go through the process of having a wedding coordinator.  However, I was trying to learn not to overwhelm myself, since at the time I was still working the two jobs and didn't know how I would have time to do all of this planning and looking.

I took her up on her offer, since she was so ecstatic about it, and she was the adopted sister the Sweetie was the closest to.  We had the wedding party almost finalized and even saw the venue where we wanted the wedding to be held--it was all about getting the money saved back in order to do so.

Then, tragedy struck when the Sweetie's step dad died of cancer, and that's when a lot of things started to change.  I reached out to her, letting her know about what happened.  I told her it would mean a lot if she could be there for Mike by coming out with me to New York.  She apologized and told me she wouldn't be able to go; her job wouldn't let her off.

I was like, "That's fine, but at least call to check up on him."

Her contact with him after that was practically little to none.

Then, when things started falling apart in regards to the wedding party, she started not being as available in regards to the planning, even after I would call and try to reach out to her.  Finally, in one correspondence, I told her not to worry about doing any more of the planning, since I could get consistent communication from her like I used to.

A few months later, my birthday arrives.  She said that after Sweetie and I got back from Atlantic City that she and I would have a spa day.  She was very apologetic about being distant and that she was going through some things.  However, when I hit her up about the spa day, she said she had to work--like she forgot she was telling me she was going to request that day off.

By this time, I'm really confused, and after my birthday, she just stop contacting me.  I even tried to reach out to her on Facebook when I couldn't reach her on her phone.  I didn't get any word from her.  Since the Sweetie was getting a bit worried about her, I decided to do some detective work to try to figure out what exactly was going on with her.

One day after I got off the 2nd gig, instead of doing my normal trip to the gym, I went to the place where she was working at and asked her quite a few questions.  She told me she was going through a lot of things at home and things were all messed up, but she promised to reach out to both Sweetie and me the next time she had a day off (which was the Monday following the confrontation).

Well, that was over eight months ago.

The Sweetie and she usually celebrate their birthdays together.  It had always been their tradition.  They would go, eat and have drinks when in the vicinity.  This is the first year since they have both been in the same state that they haven't.  The birthday celebrating together makes since, considering her birthday is on May 30th (today) and his is on May 31st.

Although he hasn't admitted it, I know he may be feeling some type of way about her disappearance.  He isn't the only one.  I, too, am left with more questions than answers.  He is at that point where he can say, "It is what it is."

I'm not at that junction yet.

I just would like to know why the two people she claimed to love and would never disappear on are seeing air instead of her.  If we did something to her, all she had to do was say something, and we all could have talked about it.  We discovered that she took us off her FB page as well.

It pangs me that during the freshness of the Sweetie's loss, she was practically nowhere to be found, and that is when he really needed her the most.  When she was in crisis, he never did her that way.  He dropped everything to try and look out for her.

So disappearing adopted sister, wherever you are, Happy Birthday.  The Sweetie and I will be waiting to see if there will ever be a reappearance.  However, there isn't a guarantee of a happy reunion.


1 comment:

As the Budda Flows said...

Damn what really is going on? it dont hurt to say i can't do it or im not interested. she may be going through some things but she should still reach out and communicate. Your husband may need to go and talk with her and make sure she really is ok.