Spring On In

 

Hello, it's the Unleashed One. I hope everyone is doing well this March. For me, the first two months felt like a blur. True, the main culprit could be my grandmother's passing, but overall, it seemed as if I blinked and that period vanished.

It is great to see some sunshine and warm temperatures go hand-in-hand in my area. Lately, it would be "sunshine and cold temperatures", "warm temperatures and rain", or "sun and snow". Frankly, I am weary of the latter; I just want Spring to come in and get on with it.

I hope my latest nail theme will grant my wish and provide me with additional good luck.

At the start of the month, I embarked on what is known as a Hard Reset. That represents bringing back practices that worked while minimizing or eliminating those that did not. It also requires looking at all areas of my life and making executive decisions, from where I stay to items that I own. It also means leaving space for new things or activities that I want to try.

Yes, that does mean that I'll be making some donations. It will not be as much as when I was going through a dramatic weight loss. This is more about items that don't fit the style I want to embody more so than things getting too small, etc. 

I originally started this process in January but it got derailed (for obvious reasons). I did resume a couple of weeks after my grandmother's death, just working on small segments at a time. My first pickup is on the 8th, so whatever items I don't get to this time, I'll schedule a later appointment.

As far as more colors to incorporate, I'm leaning toward green (the darker tones, not the overly bright ... I don't think those would look right on me), purple, turquoise, and off-white neutral tones. I do have some jewelry with those colors, so I'll be able to use those pieces more often if I have some clothing to coordinate them with.

I am also doing a redesign of my room. This one doesn't work with the season I'm going into. It's not unusual for me to switch things up through the seasons, but this will be the first one where I'm moving practically all of my bedroom furniture. If it matches the vibe I envision in my head, then I'll be over the moon excited.

I'm ready to travel for all things related to relaxation. I want a vacation to feel like a vacation. Yes, staycations are cool, but I crave distance ... a detachment from my every day, however brief. I already used some vacation days for my family emergency, but luckily, most of that was rollover (hence, use or lose) and doesn't eat into what I earned for this year. I just have to decide where to go first and how to fund the said venture.

In addition, I'm ready to see action. Action from the texting folks that are within reasonable traveling distance, saying they want to see me. Yes, I understand that we are in a space where texting seems to rule the world. Yes, I understand there are instances where one cannot talk on the phone (like at one's job because it's like that for me too), so it's better to text.

However, if one has my number, and I've let my availability be known, the ball is in the other person's court on how to utilize the information. If one is texting me to death (even on days when I'm not working), but never moves the needle toward more phone conversations or a meet-and-greet, I start making adjustments based on behavior.

Also, the way my life is set up, I need advanced notice on ... well, everything. Spontaneity is only cute in romantic comedies.

Speaking of my life, it's time to waddle off and do other things.

Take care.

Recap and Reflections

 

Greetings to all! The Unleashed One here. I hope everyone is doing well, or at least, the best they can. For me, it has been a "challenging" (understatement) couple of months since my last entry on Easter. Some of the tumult I won't be discussing ... because it isn't my story to tell ... but I can't deny the number it did on my mental health, which also, subsequently, manifested physically.

And this was before the air quality issue brought about by the Canadian wildfires. Once that hit, then my respiratory issues became exaggerated and did me in a few days as well.

To top that off, I ended up suffering severe pain, irritation, and inflammation that landed me in Urgent Care where I had to get put on a series of antibiotics and pain medication. Luckily, this has helped. I should be done with the antibiotics by Tuesday.

It seems to be my pattern ... the lulls coming in threes.

Today was the first day in nearly two weeks I had gone to the gym. I was tempted to go back sooner but I wanted to make sure that most of the pain and inflammation had subsided. It felt great to return to an area I believe to be one of my happy places.

Now that the short version recap is out of the way, I want to speak on my reflections.

At the end of 2022, I hinted at the possibility of dating.

At the beginning of the year (2023), I signed up for a few websites/apps. I won't mention the apps by name in case any of you want to explore them for yourself.

I kept my profile relatively simple and put up different pictures of myself (some engaged in an activity, some dolled up, some full body shots, yes even some with no makeup). One of the main things I requested is (a) they not be smokers (because of my respiratory issues) and (b) that they have something to say other than one-line answers or acronyms. Other than that, I kept everything baseline, believing that through interaction, I would be able to determine whether the person was date-worthy.

In the beginning, I got lots of hits from different people. Perhaps dating was on their New Year's Resolution list ... who knows? In any event, I went through each one, carefully screening profiles. By the time I was done, the lot turned into a select few. I gave higher preference to those who actually sent a message or intro along with liking the picture.

I based my continuation of interaction based on these factors (in no particular order): (a) Variety of topics discussed (b) Consistency (c) How fast or reluctant the person was in advancing beyond the app (aka asking for a phone number to talk, asked out on a date) (d) Any yellow, orange, or red flags

Using those as measuring sticks, it became easier to determine which people I wanted to continue talking to and what people I wanted to cease communication with. I don't give out my phone number unless I am open to seeing where things go.

You must be wondering by now: How many dates did I end up going on?

Answer (by how I classify a date): One

I had one person ghost me the day we were supposed to meet but tried to gaslight me into not classifying it as such. Sorry, if one sets a date, time, and location, and that person doesn't show up or even reach out to me to alert me there's been a delay, that's ghosting. Then, when I tried to give him leeway and a second opportunity, his energy was different. He would never call me, despite knowing my schedule. When I finally let him know that his vibe had been strange leading up to the second date, he caught an attitude and said he was "giving me space", rather than being transparent enough to let me know that he really wasn't all that into me.

News flash: I know there are some guys that believe that the backing away method is kinder, but for me, it's more cruel. I prefer a person who is honest. Just give me respect instead of leading a person on. Also, I'm not going to give friendship as a consolation prize. I only offer friendship if I'm interested in a friendship with you. For the people I'm not developing a friendly rapport with, or if there's nothing left to build a friendship on, I have no issue with just never speaking to the person again.

There was another person that was nice. The drawback was that there was nothing but pre-dates and meet-ups. When there were conversations about an actual date, we could never get to a meeting of the minds. Also, his time was always filled with work. I don't have anything against a hard-working man, but in order to date, at the bare minimum, you need:

Time
Investment and
Engagement

In my opinion, he didn't have those in alignment, and that isn't my responsibility. One carves the time for the activities they want to do and the people they want to engage with. 

Here's a sum of the rest of the "mis" adventures (Note: "The person" represents different people.) :

(1) The person likes me but is dealing with complications.

(2) The person texts me but never wants to have phone conversations.

(3) The person texts me but never says anything of substance.

(4) The person wants to meet but doesn't advance with any particulars. (#IHateLastMinuteStuff)

(5) The person asks for the number, gets it, but never reaches out. However, the person keeps hitting me up on the app. That annoys me because if you have my number, use it.

(6) The person liking my profile only to give his opinion on my profile.

(7) People liking my profile, then sending me sexually explicit and derogatory messages (these people were reported).

Overall, it's been a wash.

For me, there are a slew of individuals that haven't done the healing on themselves and haven't rid themselves of their loose ends. In other words, these people have no business seeking long-term relationships at this juncture.

I confess to no longer being that person who is left on standby until another individual figures it out. I am not responsible for healing another person's baggage or being the cure for what ails them. My empath has been through enough of it; I'm not going through it again.

The dating space is too polluted with catfish, damaged people who refused to heal, people who want to experiment with other forms of sexuality without it being deemed cheating ... everything I'm not seeking and is not going to complement my life.

Yesterday, I put a pause on #AllThingsDating. I know, at least, for the remainder of 2023, dating is not in the forecast. I am going to reset and return to what gives me purpose, peace, and happiness.

Until next time,

2022: The Lessons (4-6)

 

Greetings everybody! It's the Unleashed One. Welcome to the last day of 2022. I hope all of you are doing well so far.

I do not celebrate the ringing in of the New Year like others. It's rare that I'm up to see the clock strike midnight. However, I do take the opportunity to reflect on lessons learned, or when I have extended time to write, see if there have been modifications, updates, or challenges with what I set forth the year before.

What can I say? I don't have extended time today. I am going to attend a service, so I want to get extra sleep prior to preparation. I showered tonight, so that will save me some time. The longest part (and even that is shorter compared to most) is my makeup.

I already talked about the 1st three lessons in a previous post. Let's get into the black-eyed peas and collard greens of this section.

If something isn't working in the present, I don't have to continue with it until it does. It's okay to scrap it and try something else.

Many practices I've tried to incorporate have involved some trial and error. Most I've been able to stick to. There were others that had me twisted in knots because they weren't being conducive. Once I changed my lens of "wins and losses" to a "laboratory of experimentation", it made me feel better if things didn't pan out. "The chemistry wasn't there" sounds more soothing than "This is an epic fail". 

The definition of vacation is subjective.

I did not get the opportunity to travel like I wanted to, but I did have restful staycations. It made me realize that I can envision my time off however I want as well as view travel differently. This new mindset heading into 2023 will lead me to do new things as well as meet new people. I am open to seeing what is possible.

Being cautiously optimistic weighs lighter on the spirit than being consistently pessimistic.

The trajectory of a day is determined by what energy is manifested. If defaulting to disaster is one's norm, then the whole day feels like a boobie trap of mishaps. If one looks at each day as a clean slate, then the tone for optimism is more dominant.

I'm not saying that optimism prevents disasters. It won't stop Mother Nature from exhibiting unusual weather. Or prevent the person from cutting me off in traffic. It may not even prevent people from taking their bad moods out on me or horrific events from happening around the world.

I can only control myself. I can control my reaction so that one event won't disrupt the tone of the remainder of the day. I can give myself time to retreat and reset to prevent from being a walking target for triggers. 

Reframing fear rhetoric and negative self-talk takes practice. One has to practice each and every day for mastery. I am not a master yet, but I'm better equipped this year than I am last year ... and the previous year.

I am not as quick to catastrophize as I once was. I look at the thought to see if it's based on what's real. Is it judgment, and if so, is it a fair one? More often than not, the "punishment" doesn't fit the crime, so I give myself kindness and grace, then move forward.

This helps me to still have hope in humanity and what it can become if it just healed itself.

On that note ...