Hello everyone! I hope that your Holiday weekend has gone well. Today I'd like to talk about the lessons I've learned in 2022.
The days when empathy in the medical community was a given are gone. It is up to me to be knowledgeable, proactive, and pay attention to my body, along with being brave enough to disagree when I know the conclusions are inaccurate.
This lesson comes from many lenses.
I have been in situations where I knew that I didn't have a particular ailment although a doctor insisted I did. I only took the test just to prove the doctor wrong.
I was also told I had one diagnosis just to find out many months later that it was false. For me, it didn't make sense to continue taking the medication now that I was confirmed as not having the diagnosis.
Also, for whatever reason, I've encountered less than professional behavior from medical staff. I get that those in the medical community are human and they have bad days. However, in my opinion, part of your job description is to show sympathy and empathy for those who are sick and need one's help, not automatically make judgments based on someone's look or someone's way of dress.
Also, the whole "I know more because I went to school ..." can be offensive because of the assumption of knowing one's body when that professional is not in my body.
Tackling trauma also includes those who are close to you but it doesn't always have to end badly.
Since being in therapy, many layers leading to trauma have been unpacked. Tackling those things in a new way included even more transparency with those close to me. For me, this was jarring but also intimidating because I almost went back into that space of worrying about the other person's reaction. I ended up "doing the work", and it has helped my closest relationships get to a better place. For that, I am thankful.
The intimate and romantic relationships in the past were the best I could do for the person I was in the past. I forgive that person and the choices she made so I can focus on the best complement to who I am in the present and future.
One of the factors that kept me hesitant in resuming dating was not giving myself enough grace for the situations I wound up in previously.
With my last partner, I recognized that I mistook the "love bombing" at the very beginning as genuine love, care, and consideration for me. My marriage had reached a level of toxicity and had impacted my view on if I would be able to find an individual who would continue to love and care about me without it waning until it was nonexistent. The person I met after my ex-husband revitalized my hope.
Although this individual and I are no longer together, that experience led me to step away for a while. I wasn't on a "men ain't you know what" spiel but it was hurtful that even when this guy presented himself as the one for me that when he finally revealed his true self, he and I weren't on the same caliber. It made me question myself ... my ability to discern properly and what I actually wanted, along with if it was attainable.
Overall, it was my trauma and what I was lacking in other relationships making the decisions. I can admit and accept that, but I don't have to beat myself up forever for it.