2022: The Gifts I've Given Myself

 

Good day everyone. At the time I'm writing this, it is Christmas ... hence the picture.

Side Note: I do love this app, but I don't love it enough to pay monthly for it.

I am not going to hold you long. However, I thought it would be cool to talk about the great "gifts" I've given myself. No ranking; I'm just going to put down the first ones that come to my head.

The Gift of Luxury

Some time ago, I started making a Bucket List (although I don't like that name ... haven't come up with another word for the term) about items and activities I wanted to do. One of those items was to acquire a luxury purse. I cared little whether it was a low, mid, or high-end luxury purse. I just wanted to have one in my arsenal. At that time, there was a Michael Kors royal blue purse on my radar, but at the time I was looking at the purse, it was almost $400. 

Just before my birthday, there was a sale on their website. The MK blue purse was out of season, so they no longer had that color, but there was a golden yellow (like a buttercup) purse that caught my attention. The price was right, so I went ahead and placed my order.

The Gift of Investment Shoes

Note: The Nike (lower right) I've had the longest ... the other three I just bought this year.

As I mentioned in passing (I'll delve deeper into it in a later post), I had a velcro sandal on my right foot for a couple of weeks. There was a debate about what could have caused this. Since one of the doctors believed I needed shoewear with more advanced specifications, I did research based on the recommendations given to me. After I did my research on YouTube, I sought out stores that carried the brands that were high on the satisfaction list, then tried on the shoes. I purchased the Saucony (yellow shoes) in the DSW store; the Brooks Brothers and Hoka shoes I purchased on their websites, due to having a better sale and more variety in design and colors.

The Gift of Being Brave

There were so many things I can break down in this category, but it all boils down to being brave. It is so easy to say that you want to do things one, two, and three, but the path to get there can be daunting. At least it was for me. Despite the trepidation, I knew that it would be more beneficial to myself and others to push forward than to stay stagnant. The relationships that are meant for me in the present understood and accepted the changes so that we can move forward to the future. For those who gave the most resistance ... I had to make the tough decision to reallocate where they fit. Even if that led to their elimination.

Okay ... that is all for now. Let me go and get this Holiday Treasure hunt started.

Until next time, 

Holidays Reimagined

 

Greetings. The Unleashed One here. After sorting through the amalgamation of topics, I finally decided on what is going to be first. It is an expansion of a post I put up for Day 16 (if I'm not mistaken) of Discovery December, which is as follows: 

I want to cover in more detail why I haven't been as cheery for the holidays as I've been previously because that hasn't always been my state of being.

The best way to describe my attitude growing up as it pertains to Christmas is a song by The Canton Spirituals. It is entitled "Mississippi Po' Boy". I remember the song playing on Sundays when my grandma would listen to the radio.

The lines that speak to me the most are: "I come from a poor family. We didn't have much. But the Lord's been good to me."

It didn't take long for me to become aware of my family's economic status. Because of that, it never occurred to me to ask for name-brand items or highly expensive things. My grandparents were taking care of me. Their income was fixed.

For me, the Christmas holidays were more about the preparation: inside and outside the house.

My late grandfather would make sure the yard was pristine. He would hang a string of lights around the edge of the roof. He'd even help dig out the Christmas tree from wherever my grandmother stored it. For convenience, she tried to keep the Christmas tree in its original box and the decorations in boxes and bags not too far away.

For economic reasons, we used the same tree every year. The only thing that changed about the tree was the color scheme of the decorations and the picking out of Christmas wrap to match the color scheme. 

On the years when we couldn't find the right wrap, we'd use one type of wrap but make extra sure to use different color bows. To and From labels were a must.

There was great care put into the Christmas meal, especially the desserts.

My grandfather would light up when he would smell that one (or all) of his favorites were being made. When we were making a cake, my grandmother and I would warn him to step carefully so that the cake "wouldn't fall". Normally, she and I would make desserts a day or two before the actual Christmas meal, but my grandfather wasn't patient enough to wait until Christmas to have a piece. We would always be able to tell it was him because of how the cake or pie was cut.

I knew that Christmas was one of my grandfather's favorite holidays. He would get excited when there was a box just for him. If he received a new cap or some new shoes, he'd make his rounds that day to let them know that "insert person here" got him "insert item".

He was glad someone just thought about him and didn't make a fuss over the price. My grandfather was just proud that he was thought about and loved and that he received something he needed and could use consistently.

When my grandfather died, it was an understatement that everything changed. No holiday was the same, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. I admit that I cannot remember if I celebrated the holidays the year that he died. I would have to rely on Facebook memories if I did.

Each year, I tried to push through, but every year, something was missing. It took my recent therapy session for it to hit home.

I was yearning for a way to recreate the spirit of the holidays but didn't know how to do so. The main one who loved the holidays so much was gone. More than eleven years later, I was still searching.

I kept telling myself various scripts.

"If I find someone (romantically) who has the holiday spirit, it would invigorate me." The romantic partners I had later in life either weren't into it or would just go along just because it made me happy. That would make me feel guilty because I knew they didn't really want to do it.

For a while, I believed that if I attached myself to another's way of celebration that it could lighten the mood and make me feel connected to home ...connected to him. The incident that happened on the 15th (which I'll probably only share with a select few) solidified that wasn't working either.

The funny thing is, I am so much like my grandfather that it's uncanny ... but how to amplify the him in me to make the holidays more festive ... well, that has become my new, ongoing assignment.

To those of you who are feeling festive, I wish you well. Check-in on those who are struggling through the holidays. Give them understanding and give them grace.

Until next time,

Christmas: Eve, Day, and Beyond

Howdy!

Looking around, shaking off the cobwebs….

How’s everyone doing?

Yes, I've been around here and there, just not full throttle.  I was actually taking time toenjoy some of the time off. 

Time off that I actually did request, not just because I had things to take care of (although I did have to get my car checked on Wednesday morning) but because I simply wanted to be off and just didn't want to come in to work. 

True, there are certain holidays which hold a bit more importance for me than others—like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 4^th of July, simply it’s because that’s when I have the fondest memories of being around family.  

Others, like New Year’s, I don’t really care as much about whether I’m working or not.

So how did my Christmas holiday (24-26)go?

Christmas Eve, I did go in to the day job, but they closed there at 2.  

I thought I would get called in from the other job, and was happy I didn't.  

I squeezed in a workout because the gym was closing at 9, and got a chance to go to Olive Garden with the Sweetie, since I hadn't been to Olive Garden in months.  I indulged in a Peach Bellini, which I haven’t had in years and was very glad I didn't have to work on Christmas.

Well, I got a lot of cards from the day job.  I received well wishes via FB, E-mail and text from others.  I talked a long while with Grandma and was happy my Christmas card got there on time.

I received chocolates and a Bath and Body Works gift basket from one of my bosses at the day job.  It’s a scent I had never tried before—Jasmine Cherry Blossom (or something like that); it isn't too bad.  I didn't break it in yet; I just sniffed it. 

I've been enjoying the gift box that Ms Good Karma 101 sent me.  So far, I've worn three of the earrings and have officially broken in the black bracelet.  I did wear the bandana with the butterflies on it.  I've only tried one of the products, thus far, which I will do a review on in the near future.

Overall, I was just happy to be around for another year.  

I didn't expect any gifts from the Sweetie.  Times got tough for him a little after my birthday.  Plus, he had gone all out for my birthday.  He did feel bad, but I told him not to.  I was glad to spend some time with the Sweetie for most of the day. 

I was hoping the local movie theater was open, simply because for the first time, there was a movie I actually wanted to see on Christmas.  True, it’s about a slave turned bounty hunter trying to get his back his wife, but themes of action and vigilante justice are right up my alley.

Anticipation got drenched when I discovered that just because AMC stays open all year round didn’t necessarily mean the local theaters do (sad face).  

Sure, I could have gone to AMC but why pay over 10.00 to see a movie when you could go to the local one and spend 5?  I wanted to see the movie but not bad enough to pay out more than 10. 

Once I got back, I did cook up some dinner.  Not the typical big Christmas dinner, like I did around Thanksgiving with the turkey and what not.  I decided to marinade some chicken (lemon garlic blended with liquid smoke) for a few hours and bake it.  I had some green beans, carrots, and shells and cheese to go along with it.  

I have been opting for skinless chicken a bit more, even though I do admit I love the taste of the skin (knowing it contains the most fat), but I am finding if I season the chicken right, then I can learn to like it.  The marinade really gave the chicken a lot of kick; I was quite impressed, for I normally don’t eat dark meat without the skin.

Since I didn't take Christmas Eve off, I opted to take the day after Christmas off from the day job.  I wanted to check up on my car, since it did need an old change and there were noises coming from the front driver’s side of the car each time I pressed on the brake.  I brought the car there first thing in the morning (like around 8).  I almost felt like I was at the doctor’s office because I didn't get out of there until like 1:30.  I understood there were 2 cars in front of me, but some of those cars got out of there before my car did.  

I just wish they would give more of an update as to what’s going on.  Like the guy came out a little after 9:00 and said the problem wasn't with my brakes but I didn't get word on an estimate or the other possible problem until a little after 11.  Then, once I decided what I could afford to get fully fixed, then they said they would be done in an hour, but that hour turned into over two hours.  I am usually very patient but it was a bit aggravating to say the least. 

I napped for a couple of hours, and then bundled up to go into the very windy and rainy weather to get to the 2^nd job.  To my surprise, the other person there was scheduled for closing instead of six.  It was nice to not have to deal with the lottery but after 7 pm  it wasn't really that busy in our part of the Travel Plaza, so I kept myself busy with stocking.  

Usually, during the weekday, our part closes at around 10:00, but then it got to about 10:20 and we still hadn’t got the word to close, so I inquired as to when we would close, and then I got told between 10:30-11:00.  

So I reported the news, and the other girl started flipping out because she’s spoiled and had gotten used to being out of there no later than 10:15, so around 10:30 she called downstairs and demanded that she leave because her ride was out there.  I guess they went ahead and pulled her because they didn't want to deal with her aggravation.

Okay, just some food for thought...

How many places can you throw a massive temper tantrum at management and still keep your job?  

Apparently, that tolerance is either growing or I’m working at a spot detached from reality.  Heck, maybe a little bit of both.

Peace.  

The Dream: One Very Awesome Christmas

Howdy!

Normally, I would have composed a Christmas list in advance about what I wanted.  I don't really want a whole lot (gift wise) for this year.  For me, Just Because gifts have more meaning, anyway.

But in my dream, the best gifts can't be wrapped up.  So I figured I would share....

Caring:   There used to be a time when a violent act occurred, there would be a sense of urgency, waves of disgust, and speed to act.  Now, there’s so much violence going on, it’s almost as if we are immune to it.  We have gotten used to it going on, so the urgency is delayed.  There’s not even as much disgust surrounding these things anymore, so it appears people don’t care as much.  We have to go back to where it’s unacceptable that cruel things being done to people are normal. 

Helping:  I have discovered it’s usually the people who have less who are willing to give more.  You would think it would make more sense that if one has more, they would give more.  However, some are so caught up in holding on to what they have.  If they would realize that helping is its’ own reward..that by giving monetarily to those less unfortunate, their spiritual wealth would be unmeasured, it would really put things in perspective.  When you die, you can’t take any of the material things with you.  It’s like although those things are bought, they are really on lease.

Respect :   I have never seen as much disrespect for my culture as when Barack Obama became President.  Yes, there was disrespect, but it was not as blatant.  It’s like people thought with him being the President, it was giving the okay for them to get all bold with it.  And then having some of them go back and apologize; I wasn’t buying it.  They were saying it with their chest the first time around.  People aren’t respectful of each other, not as much, and it saddens me.  We need to get back to that, not just from outside of the African-American culture but between each other as well.  At times, we ourselves create the greatest divide.

Intelligence: Wealth does not substitute for intelligence.  Heck, wealth doesn’t even mean you are intelligent.  There were a lot of dumb things expressed, particularly in the latest 2012 Political Campaign.  The 47%, Binders Full of Women, Putting Big Bird in the Unemployment Line.    I swear, some people don’t need to Facebook, Twitter, e-mail or text.  Just keep them away from any type of technology.  People are getting too lazy to educate themselves before rapid firing on issues. 

Smiles:   Is it just me or do people not want to smile anymore?  Like just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I’m trying to trick a person or that I’m trying to get with someone.  I can just smile because I’m having a good day or because I just feel good.  When did smiling become an invitation for a beat down?  Or does the world really have that much to be upset about?

Thankfulness:  I don’t get why people say they are thankful for the things they have, yet when certain seasons come up, especially leading up to Christmas, people are fighting to get more stuff, have more things, and some have a nerve to get an attitude if they don’t get the things they want.  There are so many people who have less but who treasure what they have more.  With this society, it seems like the more one has, the more one wants.  It’s like there’s no satisfaction. 

Meaningful Music:  I admit, I don’t listen to regular radio a lot, like the latest hits because I have encountered garbage.  I admire music for more than a beat.  I actually am more prone to listen to a song with rich lyrics but a sorry beat than the other way around.  Where is the music that will leave an impact?  Yes it is around but it’s not getting as promoted or as pushed.  Music is becoming less timeless and more trendy.  Artists like Nicki Minaj and Drake parading around like they are the GOAT, yet they compose what’s wrong with the new measuring stick of what constitutes good music.  Give me music that speaks to my mind, heart, and soul and makes me think.  I could give a rat’s ass about Beez In The Trap.

Accountability:  When something goes wrong, one usually passes the blame rather than to take accountability.  The Sandy Hook tragedy still weighs heavy on my mind.  Every time a tragedy occurs where guns and mental illness are involved, there is always spotlight on video games and sensationalized violence in television and movies.  I don’t think video games and violent TV shows and movies should be getting the bulk of the blame.  I have friends who are hard core gamers—who dig the more violent games, but they aren't going out shooting people.  I, myself, love horror and action movies, but you don’t see me going out there trying to shoot and slice up people.  You know why?  Because in my mind, I know the difference between what’s real and what is fiction.  With those who have mental illness that isn't properly diagnosed or treated, they may not.  But with that being said, not every person who has a mental illness has a propensity to kill.  Plus, if one really wanted to play Devil’s advocate, Religion is the top reason why any person or group is going out there doing any type of killing, but how many people do you hear even mention that?  Hold on, I’ll wait…  All I’m saying is if something goes wrong, there has to be proper forms of accountability and less scapegoating.

Selflessness:  There is too much “all about me, me, me.”  Yes, there are times when it’s good to be selfish.  However, there is too much suffering all around to not feel the urge to help in some way.  People are still displaced because of Sandy.  Although unemployment numbers are down, what about those people who were no longer eligible for unemployment, but either are underemployed or still can’t find work?  So many people feel bad about someone’s plight but how many actually take time to think of ways they can help or find the resources, even if they can’t?  In a few cases, the person just is like, “Too bad.  Glad it ain’t me,” but their tune changes when it is him or her.  That same person who said “too bad” will be the very person who gets mad for responding with their former attitude.

These things, to me, are greater than actual presents, and any increase will lead to happier and merrier, not just during the Christmas season but throughout the year.

Happy Holidays!

My Current Christmas Story

Twenty-two more days and counting until Christmas…

When I was younger, I looked forward to Christmas.  Not because of decorating the Christmas tree or picking out Christmas cards.  Not because of picking out presents to give others.  It was because of the memories associated with the time and the true meaning of what Christmas is was all about.

The reason I put “was” is because it doesn't feel like that anymore.  Christmas doesn't have that same ambiance of peace.  That same spirit of giving and being grateful.  It seems like it has been de emphasized and/or replaced. 

When I was growing up, I was grateful for whatever gift I received, even if it wasn't the one I asked for.  

Now, you have some kids pitching a hissy fit if they can’t have the latest toy, a new cell phone, or the same things their friends have. 

My grandparents had limits on what they could spend financially for my having a Christmas gift.  I understood that and accepted it.  I didn't try to push the issue just to get my way.  

However, I have witnessed parents bowing down to what the kids want just by the kids whining or making their parents feel guilty, even if this puts a financial strain on their own pockets.

For me, the spirit of Christmas was about getting together with family.  I remember helping Grandma out with the cooking and baking, eventually being old enough to take over baking the desserts.  There were people chipping in, interacting with each other, followed by sitting around the dinner table to enjoy their meal.

Things seem different.  

More often than not, people come by, just to see whether the food is done, not to really interact.  Even if there is a situation where people are asked to bring a plate, some people don’t even want to do that.  They want to receive but did nothing in terms of giving. On top of that, they don’t even stay to socialize but just walk on off.  Things just seem more stressful than they have to be.

The energy I used to feel towards the holidays isn't the same.  I try to hold on to the feel good of old, but there’s just so much foolishness out there that my spirit feels very sad.  The move out to New Jersey was a tough one, but at the time when I did, I was placed in a better predicament financially, plus I was with someone who was into that type of togetherness as much as I was.  It was easy for me to hold on to the ambiance on those holidays when I couldn't get down South to see my family because I was around a family type feel.

Then, once that relationship disintegrated, I had to reset.  I haven’t really made enough friends out here in NJ, particularly in the area where I reside in now, to bring back that holiday feel.  Then, on top of that, my grandfather passed away about a year ago to cancer, and Christmas was one of his favorite holidays. 

I've never been big on the whole Black Friday shopping.  If I was to shop for anyone, I’d do it on either before Black Friday or online, so I won’t have to deal with the crowds.  

I used to buy a lot of gifts for different people, but as time went on, I realized I was doing a lot of giving to people who were just content on doing nothing but receiving.  Once I stopped doing that, the number of people I did Christmas shopping for decreased significantly.  

I also decided for people who are hard to buy for just to arm them with cash or a gift card of some sort. 

Grandpa was one of the main people I shopped for as it pertained to gifts.  Last year was hard—I found myself picking out things for him and then I had to stop myself because by that time, he had been gone for about seven months.  Yet, my mind was still plotting shipping costs and how to get the things in the mail on time.  Or having a left over Christmas card with sentiments for a Grandfather.  It took a lot for me not to start boo hooing in the store.

Fast forward to the present…and I still have good days and bad days. 

Yesterday, since I didn't get a chance to last weekend, I finally decided to bake some pumpkin pies.  Grandpa could eat a whole pie by himself.  Sometimes, he’d barely wait until they were cooled off before slicing one.  I could always tell when it was him verses Grandma because Grandpa would always cut the pie kind of funny.  Then, Grandma and I would have to compensate for the uneven slicing. 

I found myself getting teary eyed when eating a slice of the pie.  I would always eat a slice last, since I was the one baking it.  I just kept imagining Grandpa had already had a slice of pie and would be back up and down through the night, eating a piece at a time until there was an empty aluminum plate where the pie had been.

My depression this year isn't as bad as it was last year.  I am going to try to create a new tradition with the person I’m with—to capture the feel good, the true spirit of the Christmas holidays, even if it ends up just being the two of us.

Peace.