Friday, July 6, 2012

Don't Make Another Your Primary Force for Change

“I’m waiting on the one who will change my life around…”

I had an interesting banter with someone from my past almost a week ago.  I was tempted to write about this sooner but I wanted to get my thoughts around this before addressing it.

Before I speak on the conversation, I have to do a bit of background on the person.

This person has always had a lot of female friends, but it was also rumored that he wasn’t exactly the most faithful in relationships, either.

After high school, he initially came out of the closet as being bisexual.  Then, a few years later, he declared he was gay and started cross dressing, even went so far as to compete in the pageants.

Too bad he doesn't look nearly as good as Ru Paul in Drag...
It had been years since I talked to him, but I saw that he had gotten into a really nasty car accident via his Facebook.  I dropped a line to see if he and his friends were okay.  He said they were fine but he was upset that his car had gotten messed up.

Soon, talk came up concerning where he stood as far as his relationships and his lifestyle, if he was still active.

He’s like, “I still like women; I’m waiting on the one who will change my life around…I still want a wife and to have children…”

I don’t know if a woman wants that much power.

Think about it.  This guy, who has spent a considerable amount of time with "his team”, is looking for a woman to make him go back to the other team as well as stop him from doing his past time, which is cross dressing and competing in pageants.

This woman is going to have him do an about face—to be a dutiful husband and a father.

I know there are some women saying, “Don’t doubt the power of good pu$$y!”

That has to be more than good.  That will have to be phenomenal!

The toughest part of this whole scenario is what happens if the phenomenal pu$$y fails.

What if he gets bored and decides to pursue greener pastures?  There’s no guarantee it will be a woman or just women he would be pursuing.  What if he misses his other activities and wants to go back to them?  If there are children in the mix at this point, how do you explain this?

Then, there is the worst case scenario.  Yes, there is a fate worse than this one.

What if the female decides to leave for whatever reason?

Then you will have a man feeling resentful because he gave up his lifestyle to be with you.  The female will have to deal with that stigma.  When he talks to his friends, he will claim, “I gave up how I was living for you!  It is your fault I am the way I am today!”

No, dude, it’s your fault.

It’s his fault for putting so much responsibility on this woman, this pressure that her presence alone would make him be society’s image of the ideal man.

He has to take responsibility.  I mean, no one put a gun to his head and demanded he cross dress.  He made that decision on his own, and it must be something he likes doing.

I know some people will counter argue: "There are jobs people go to every day they don’t like doing, but they do it because they have to do it."

However, this is not his primary job.  He can choose whether to put on the wig, makeup and stockings.  He can choose whether to pay the registration fee for the pageants or not.

Also, if he doesn’t like having intimate relations with men, why is he still doing them?  There is something he is gaining from his interaction with them which he is not getting from any intimate contact he’s ever had with a woman.  There has to be some sort of pleasure.

The change has to be something not perpetuated by another person but from him.

He has to already be putting the steps in place for these changes if this is what he wants to do.  To put it on finding the right woman alleviates him of responsibility and puts the burden solely on her, and I don’t think that is necessarily fair.

Perhaps he can find a woman willing to compliment what is already there.  You will never know what a woman will be accepting of unless the cards are put on the table.  If the relationship starts off with secrets, you never know whether she will be accepting of things or not.

Is there a woman willing to accept his unorthodox style?  That I do not know.  Perhaps it is a worth a try before initiating a lifestyle change.  I’m just saying…


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