Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Soul Cleanse 18: Demolition/A New Start

First off, I want to let you guys know that I won't have Internet access at my spot for a minute. There are a number of reasons but to sum everything in a nut shell, I've reached the point where I've looked at the person I used to love and have decided that the scenario is getting tired.

I'm getting focused on the move.

Even though since my time here on the net, she has decided she's "giving me the time I need; no rush at all" for me to get out, I know that the intent has nothing to do with consideration for me but in the hopes that I will change my mind. She has since asked for a reconciliation, but in her waves between mania and depression, she may not recall she even asked me.

And there are things financial wise that I have to get in gear before the move can be finalized. Going to MS, although I needed to get away from here, did put quite a dent in the money so I'm in the process of rebuilding. I just ask that those who have always been there for me still continue to practice patience while I'm going through my process.

Despite a couple of offers to have a roommate, I have decided that I do want to be by myself. For most of my adult years, I've had a roommate and the majority of the experiences have been negative. I am looking forward to where I can kick someone out of my dwelling if I don't want them there anymore. If things are messed up with finances there is no one to blame but me. It hurts to have to depend on someone to come through finance wise and have them fail. I don't want to have to deal with that type of dependency, and I shouldn't have to.

But I know it will be tough on my end as well. I have to remind myself that I'm doing without now, so I can be abundant in the future.

I really wanted to be out before my 31st birthday, but realistic wise, it's not going to happen. At this stage of the game, I don't even want presents for Christmas; I just want to be out--my peace of mind; my permission to be me and be free is priceless and the best gift I can possibly get right now.

So for those of you who have my digits, you know how to reach me. I will stop by the library maybe once a week or so to be on the Internet but other than that, I will catch you guys when I can.

Until we talk again.


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