It's been a while since I've written anything poetic like. I've been feeling blocked.
My therapist said that I should write about the things, events, people, etc...that's causing me to feel this way, to express why I'm feeling overburdened and not only worn out but worn through...so here's my first attempt of expressing anything since..well I don't really remember how long....
Overflow
I've had my fill of everything.
I'm overrun with sorrow.
I no longer think of yesterdays,
celebrate todays,
or look forward to tomorrows.
I'm just a "fool in love"
thinking it will somehow get better
trying to tell myself
"it will someday"
but someday
hasn't made it yet
just a never ending spiral
into the depths of darkness
that I see and know
I'm powerless to stop
(but it has never been my job to)
yet I try and stand tall
be an Army of One
through the tumultuous tirade
of tantrums
screaming
red peeking through
pale skin
comments coated with sarcasm
words bouncing
between yearning for life
and begging for death
I'm slowly becoming numb
to the "I'm sorry"
growing nonchalant to the
"I didn't mean it"
because on some
(sub) conscious
maybe (un) conscious
level
she does mean it
she does mean to hurt me
It's easier to emotionally stab someone
who has constantly tried to be there
the constant who rarely sees the
smiling, fun loving,
shining through the darkness
person
that everyone else sees
I usually am subjected
to the high crashing down
or aciding words
coroding my base
can I really
honestly
believe she loves me
when her lips whisper love
less
and her movements scream lack of love
(hate)
more?
either way,
I've had my fill
of everything.
April 2008
Queen of Spades
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