Saturday, December 26, 2020

Sound Off Saturday: Community, Confusion, and Clapback


Hello! The Unleashed One here. I know you were expecting an upcoming Shadow Work entry, but I've decided to restart that for January. What I want to speak on today is a trend that I am finding disturbing, along with my own experiences as it pertains to the Highway to Healthy.

In my update, I spoke about the loss of community, as it pertains to those who identify as "plus-sized", "big and beautiful", and "fat". I am going to expand more on that in this entry.

Here is my question:

Why is it when a person who is larger decides to lose weight for any reason, that person is written off as a "traitor" to certain communities? By certain communities, I mean "plus-sized", "fat acceptance", and "health at every size".

In addition ... 

Why do certain people assume that once the pounds drop, that a person will change how she treats other people who are still bigger or who choose not to lose weight or pursue a journey toward health?

In my update, I expressed clearly my reasons for going on my healthy journey, and it had nothing to do with any shame associated with my heavier body. Throughout most of my life, I was chunky and got teased about my size as I was growing up. Therefore, I've had an ongoing battle with my weight damn near my entire life.

Although I came to accept whatever weight I landed on, it would be a lie for me not to recognize that certain tasks and things I wanted to do were becoming impacted with my additional weight.

Also, there are medical ailments that I'm battling that the loss of weight may serve in their elimination. Who wants to battle type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol for the rest of their life?

It was around the fall of 2018 when I noticed the behavior of some people change. There was this one person who went out of her way to reconnect with me, although we hadn't associated in many years. Since this person was not demonstrating any of the characteristics which caused her to fall out of favor, I was willing to sit back and take it day-by-day.

Over time, she would make reference to how small I was getting and making comparisons with herself. One thing to know about me is that I'm not the type to suggest or say that someone should be doing the same activity that I'm doing. I know what works for me may not work for another person.

Yet when she kept bringing it up, it started to become bothersome. Like you don't have to bring up something I'm already aware of. Plus, when she kept speaking on the comparisons, it appeared as if she was trying to shame me for trying to become healthy and for going to the gym multiple times a week. Then, she got it in her head that since I was smaller, I would not want to hang out with her because she was bigger, projecting her insecurities.

Eventually, she and I stopped talking to each other. Perhaps it was for the best. It's not fair to make me feel responsible if you are feeling some type of way about your own self-image. Hell, it's tough enough for me to battle my own internal dialog much less anyone else's projections.

Then, there were others' projections, as to how my "health journey" was supposed to appear and what my "fitness regimen" was supposed to entail.

Although certain foods were eliminated, there were others I believed could be substituted for healthier options or eaten in moderation.

For me, the total elimination of foods I love would result in a setback, and this method decreases that penchant. If I have the food at the time I want it, then there's no need for me to binge because I would have consumed it in the present, as opposed to longing for it in the future.

Then, there were all of the rave reviews of the Keto diet, which I tried for about two weeks. Truly, it is not for me, but I give props to those who are on it.

For me, an eating regimen has to be adaptable to my routine and sustainable as a lifestyle.

Keto wasn't it.

Then, there were the weird looks I got (and continue to get) whenever I do anything related to weight training. Seriously, should all women just be focused on abs and ass?

Yeah, the latter part is what guys tend to look at on a woman ... some don't care if she's fit anywhere else. However, I go to the gym to work out, then walk out, not to see if I can pick up someone.

The decline in weight also made shopping a challenge. One particular incident happened sometime in 2019.

I wanted to take advantage of cashing in my points/dollars. Another shopper was there, and I picked up she was a regular, since she and the customer service reps there were on a first-name basis. While in the midst of picking out clothing to try on, I noticed the lady would keep looking at me while chatting with the store clerk. 

After trying on clothes and settling on what to get, I made my way up to the register. At that point, the lady asked, "Don't you think you're too skinny to be shopping in here? This store is for big girls."

I'm not sure what annoyed me more: the fact that this stranger had the audacity to question my right to shop wherever the hell I wanted, or the fact that the representative of the store did not say that they cater to sizes as small as a 12.

Needless to say, I did not go to that particular location again.

I understand that I no longer fit the physical description of a plus-size woman. However, I've spent more time on this earth being "plus-size" than not. So to automatically get treated with the same dismissal as the heat one places on a stuck-up "skinny bitch" is not cool

I do not go around disrespecting "full-figured", "thick", "hefty", "super curvy", "plus-size", "big", or however you want to categorize yourself. I do not tell other people what to do with their bodies. If you want to get in shape, do it. If you want to eat healthier, do it. If you don't want to do anything, hell, do that.

But ... what you aren't going to do is talk out both sides of your mouth.

You can't love me and fit shame me in the same breath. Because what you are saying is that you'd rather have me unhealthy than doing what I feel is necessary to get to a better level of health and living.

To me, that is not love.

You can't love me, but the moment I do something that is unacceptable to you or "the cause" label me a traitor. To that I say ...

No, "health at every size", you betrayed me.

Because "health at every size" is not reserved for the huge members of the spectrum.


If YOU don't want EVERY size to be included, then maybe, just maybe, you need to tweak your specifications. If you're not willing to do so, have some sparkling water and ...

I really think it would be simpler for people to do what I normally do, and that is to mind their business. But for those who don't want to adhere to the memo, know this.

(1) If you are not going to support me, then step away. Eliminate yourself. I'm not going to chase after you and best believe I'm not going to cry over you. That's just not how I'm set up.

(2) I'm a spokesperson for a better existence on this planet. I am #TeamMe. Save all that butthurt over what I do with my body for someone else.

(3) Please don't express interest in working out with me and then cancel continuously. I get one or two times, but not every time. I'm that person that still continues what I was going to do regardless. After the 2nd time, I just stop taking you seriously.

(4) Do not insist that I eat certain foods when you know that my eating lifestyle has changed. If you don't know how I'm eating or drinking, then ask. It's better to ask than to create an awkward situation. 

This is my first and only PSA on this. No one needs any side-eye, passive-aggressive, slick-talking, ain't-about-the-business energy heading into next year or any year. 

And on that note ... 

No comments: