Thursday, April 5, 2012

Fashion: The Real Woman's Synopsis (disclaimer & piece)



Before I share this, a few disclaimers are needed:

Disclaimer No. 1: I have NO issue with any of the slender ladies. This is not a slander to the slender but a wakeup call for those who use slender as blueprint for everyone.

Disclaimer No. 2: This is NOT a statement telling curvaceous women NOT to slim down or get toned if they need to in order to get healthy. This is only a statement about fashion, and although it’s made progress, it still has a long way to go to get that happy medium of depicting a proper representation of a real woman.

Disclaimer No. 3: This is NOT a diss to any person who likes wearing flower patterns or mumus. Heck, I like flower patterns from time to time myself but not every female wants to wear flowers, loud colors, huge dresses, or even patterns for that matter.

Disclaimer No. 4: No disrespect for those who like elastic bands, either. I know, for myself, I’m not a fan; even with my jogging pants, I’d rather have a smooth band or a drawstring, rather than just elastic by itself.

Disclaimer No. 5: I’m NOT saying there aren’t good fashions that do our curves justice and make us sexy. However, if all people are doing is taking material, just making it bigger and not giving regards of how it truly looks on our bodies, that is what I’m speaking to.

Okay, now that all of the PR ish is out the way….

Fashion (The Real Woman’s Synopsis)

My name is Average,

Average Woman.

No, I’m not a size double zero…

That sounds like the name of a double agent
If you ask me…

I’m not a size two, four, six, or eight,
Haven’t been a size ten or twelve
Since my high school days…

Okay, let’s just say
Fourteen and above.

My name is Average
Average Woman,
And I don’t get the proper attention
I truly deserve,
And I’ve gotta let You know
I’m pissed about it!

I love getting Flowers on special days,
Even getting them “just because”.

I like looking at them in gardens,
As part of wedding receptions,
On invites and stationery,
And sometimes, in my hair.

But do I have to wear them
All the frigging time?

Damn near every website
Or catalog I look at,
They want to put an Average Woman
In something that looks like
A flower garden
Or a mumu!

My name is Average
Average Woman
And I don’t get the proper attention
I truly deserve
And I’ve gotta let You know
I’m pissed about it!

I’m a big fan of elastic-
Good for stacks of papers,
Holding hair in place.

But do I have to have it in my shorts,
My pants, and my jeans?

Am I not sexy enough for buttons
Or cool enough for zippers?

And even worse,
That frigging indent
That shows up around my waist!

My name is Average
Average Woman
And I don’t get the proper attention
I truly deserve
And I’ve gotta let you know
I’m pissed about it!

What’s going on with these shirts;
The boat neck, crew neck,
Made so wide but not as long…

Some of us are super chesty,
So for us, V-neck is best.

And maybe, I don’t want my shirt
Mistaken for a cut off
Or something that got shrunk
When it got in the dryer…
Especially if my legs
Are longer than my torso.

Perhaps I want to accentuate the assets
And cover the liabilities.

Ever think of that?

My name is Average
Average Woman
And I don’t get the proper attention
I truly deserve
And I’ve gotta let You know
I’m pissed about it.

And another thing-
These people trying to make us
Look so called sexy—
There are certain things
That curvaceous,
Super thick women,
Have absolutely no business
Trying to rock!

Yeah, you’re getting business
But you’re making us look ridiculous,
A hot ass mess,
And that’s almost as bad
As trying to cover us up
Like we’re frumpy ol’ grandmas....

No disrespect, Grandma, I love you…

My name is Average
Average Woman
And I don’t get the proper attention
I truly deserve
And I gotta let You know
I’m pissed about it!

And yes, I MUST add,
If you are going to promote
To the Average Woman,
You can’t use the skinny minis
To advertise the merchandise!

How do I know
Those cargos can fit me
If the chic is a size six
And I rock a size twenty?

You don’t see a size eighteen
Trying to model off fashions
For a lady who’s a size four—

Why?

Because it doesn’t make sense
And it’s 100 degrees of wrong!

So yes,
My name is Average...

SCRATCH THAT!

Call Me REAL,
REAL WOMAN!

A Real Woman with a Voice,
A Real Woman with Money!

So, until I see
the best Representations of Me
In print and online…

Don’t hold Your hand out
Expecting one thin dime!

© April 2012

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