Saturday, December 31, 2011

Farewell 2011

The Review:

Job wise~ I start off with this because it's the easiest to measure in terms of success.  2011 was kinder to me job market wise than 2010.

In early 2010, I had lost my full time job.  I signed with one temp agency in August which sent me on an assignment that set me up for disaster, so I didn't get employment again until October 2010, which was seasonal and with a company I'd been with before.  So I was only employed for five months out of that year.

2011 was somewhat better.  My seasonal employment ended in early January.  I had the opportunity to start a job around the time of March-May, but a tragedy happened in my family, so I went home to MS and was gone for almost a month.  June came around, and in the end, both opportunities fell through.  But a new temp agency I had signed up with were able to get me a couple of short gigs in July and August, followed by an almost four month one to end the year.  Plus, in July, I got hired at this place, and although it doesn't pay the amount I really need (I have to have unemployment or another job to assist me), it isn't one that has an expiration date, like a temp job can have (unless you are hired full time or it is a permanent temp thing).  So in 2011, I was employed eight months out of the year.

So yes, a definite improvement, although my goal is to have something full time, so I won't have to depend on unemployment or risk burning myself out on both ends getting two part time jobs.  The Congress that is in office now keep playing around with people who need the unemployment money--the amount of weeks, now suggesting people have to do drug's ridiculous!

Family~I lost my father to cancer.  

Technically, he's my grandfather, but he is the man that raised me, took care of me, provided for me.  He was the father figure in my life.  I was very happy to be able to see him and spend time with him back in March before he took a turn for the worse in early May.

The thing that hurts the most is because of my time schedule with the full time job I had, the time off I had requested to visit home I did not get.  I hadn't seen my grandparents since 2008.  So the fact the company let me was like it doubly stung.

I know one of the things my grandfather wanted was to try to establish some type of peace with my mom.  He realized that my mom was usually the one starting things and the one causing difficulty.  But he also knew that my mom would never be the bigger person, would never be the one to apologize.  I told him that I would try, but it is very hard to get past so much pain.

The worst part of it is that she blames others (like grandma and grandpa) for how I feel about her.  It has nothing to do with them, but it is how she acts and treats people, especially me.  It is about how stingy she was with her resources and would never send a dime to help in raising me, but she would come down to MS with a wad of cash.  She takes no responsibility for the type of drama she perpetuates, and she doesn't get along with the rest of her children, partly because of that reason.  I'm not saying that what some of my sisters did was right (especially if one of them caused my youngest child to get taken away from me by CPS and I had to fight tooth and nail to get her back), but she has yet to take responsibility for her part.

So being around my mom was a struggle.  And being around two of my sisters was a struggle as well, since I know how they feel about me, and I sense the aggressiveness (one being passive/aggressive, the other just aggressive).  And being upset at how the youngest one is being raised--my mom not being attentive enough to what she is doing or who she is associating with.

It was very difficult to deal with their madness along with losing him.  At times, I wanted to get in my car and just ride off to have some time to myself.  When I needed to, I did, but I knew I had to be there for my grandmother, for at the end of the day, when everyone else was gone, the two of us would be remaining.

I also lost two other members of my family, my cats, Colby and Franklin, back in October.  It was due to complications with the flea treatment.  Apparently the cats were allergic and had a very bad reaction.  Although the other cat, Ma-Maow, is still left, it is not the same.  My ex-partner and I raised Colby and Franklin from when they were little (Colby 6 months; Franklin 1 year).  Then, I was the sole provider of both of them when we split in 2008.  But overall, they lived a good life.  I miss them a whole lot.

Health~Not sure how to really review it.

Because in 2010, because of all the hours I had put in at the full time job, my body had suffered from dehydration, exhaustion, and my stress levels were through the rough.

At one point, I was losing hair, which has since grown back.

My depression was at an all time high; I was tempted to get back on the medication but knew I couldn't afford the therapy or the medicine.  So the bouts were more intense and they lasted longer now that they were no longer medically controlled.

With 2011, I did have periods of depression but they didn't seem to last as long.  I'm still not on medication; I still haven't gone back into therapy.  It did help that I began to blog more, since that was always a good outlet for me and I tried to keep myself active.

However, in September of this year, my blood/glucose levels hit over 400 and I had sugar in my I'm a Type 2 trying to get things under control via monitoring, medication, and continuous changes to my eating.  So it's like trading one type of expense for another type of expense because testing supplies aren't cheap.  And although I am usually a very organized person, I would be lying if I didn't admit that it had fallen to the waste side because of how crazy I was working at the full time job, the relationship loss I went through after being involved for 5 and a half years, the loss of that job, etc.

So having to monitor this is definitely forcing me to get back in the habit.

Love~Well, I didn't think I would be talking about this before...but I guess one has to save the best for last.

He was true to his word.

He stuck by me through everything; we were friends first.

He witnessed how my last relationship had affected me.  He witnessed others who came across as the solution but only became more problems.

But when he proposed himself as the solution, at first, I wasn't falling for the bait.

But he was patient.

He was there when I lost my full time job.  When I was stressed on how I was going to survive.  Job interviews, job applications that went nowhere.  When my depression bouts were getting the best of me.  When my grandfather passed away, as well as the cats.  When I was dehydrated, exhausted, stressed, losing hair...everything.

He was there.

And I admit, many times, I wanted to push him away, especially when things were starting to get ugly.  One of my lines was, "Why you want to stay on a sinking ship?  This is the Titanic.  Don't be like the band that plays when the ship goes down.  Be like Kool and the Gang, unplug the stuff, and get off the ship."

And his response, "I'd rather sink with you than swim with anyone else."

Hard to kick someone away when he tells you that, especially when he's proven it.

Especially when a few days before Christmas, he lets the world know that he wants to prove it for the rest of his life with a shiny trinket sitting in front of a strawberry on top of a cheesecake.


Despite the ups and downs, I say overall 2011 was a success.  It's not like the "Good Riddens" I gave 2010, but I am looking forward to what 2012 will bring.


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