Friday, November 18, 2011
Peeking Out (Baby Steps)
Have you ever had so many things swirling in your head, just waiting to come out? You aren’t sure which one to write about, yet if you wrote about everything, it would just be overdrive?
I’m at that point, but I will try to pick one or two things and just stick to those…stick to those which have been the most prevalent in my mind.
Within the past couple of weeks, there has been a period of reconnection. Reconnection with people I haven’t talked to in length for a while (thank you so much…you guys probably did not even realize how much you have helped me just by being around and saying hi).
Part of it has been because I’ve been doing the two jobs juggling act. The other part, and I’m just now coming to grips with it, is that I’ve been so busy I hadn’t grasped that I have been depressed.
I mean, the symptoms were there. Not being as interested in things as I once was. Not calling as much, even though most people know I’m not one to do a lot of calling. Writing, yes. Calling, not so much. But I noticed I hadn’t been doing as much writing, either.
However, this bout of it isn’t as bad as some of the ones in the past; working has helped me take my mind off it.
However, it’s the times when there’s no hustle and bustle…
That’s when danger strikes. That is when an idle mind can become a dangerous mind. That is when old habits are hard to break. It’s when I have to fight the urge to go into myself.
I am wonderful at listening to other people, to giving insight and advice when it is needed. But I also sit back and ascertain if those very people would really be available if the shoe were on the other foot.
I am intuitive enough to recognize when a person just needs me to be the listener. Or when a person just wants me to give my advice. I know when all my purpose is to the other person is to be the therapist.
I also have to exercise awareness. I have to determine if that person would have the attention, the empathy, the patience to listen to me if I wanted to do a Soul Cleanse and put everything on the table. I have to have a realistic expectation of the people I encounter.
In the early going…when I first started developing connections with people, I had a certain expectation. I expected people to have the same ideas as it pertain to what friendship means. I don’t treat the word friendship lightly; if I deem you a friend that says a lot.
But as time went on, and as I encountered more people and had more experiences, I realized that not everyone treated that word the same. With some people, friend and acquaintance mean the same thing. With some people, a friend could be someone you play a game with on Facebook every day or someone you interact with because you are in the same online group. Heck, to some, a friend is someone that makes your total friend list look impressive.
I had one guy say to me, “I want you to be on my Facebook friend list because your face makes good eye candy.” Needless to say, he didn’t make the cut. In fact, he got blocked.
And even though other people have ideas of what friendship is, my idea of friendship has remained the same. My expectation has changed.
If I know a person only cares about what is going on in her world, then I know if disaster strikes in mine, she’s not going to give me the time of day. Why exert myself out there only to get more agitated?
Or if I know someone loves to run her mouth about her business and other people’s business, why am I going to give her some of my business to tell?
But these aren’t the people I call my friends, although they may consider me their friend.
In the end, one just has to know who she can and cannot confide in.
To know who is willing to be the rock when you crumble. The truest test of love, honesty, and dependability is not when things are going well. It is when things are at their worst, and you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. The tough times are the magnifying glass—you really see who has your back and who doesn’t.
I’m not saying the other person has to drop everything. I’m sure the other person has a lot of things going on as well.
But…if each time disaster strikes, that person is blowing up your phone. ..
If each time the person just needs someone to listen, you become the hotline, any time of the day and night..
If that person needs money and although you really don’t have it to give, if she called you, she knows you would give it to her…because that’s the type of person you are….
And yet, this person knows you well enough to know that things aren’t quite right in your universe…that you aren’t your usual self…and doesn’t even reach out, not even to say, “Hey, I’m out here, if you need me….”
Because sometimes, you just need to know if you wanted to open up, the person would be there. And when that very person isn’t, it doesn’t leave a very nice taste in one’s mouth.
Then, you do what you have to do. Like my grandma says, “You know how far to go once someone shows her ass to you.”
I’m just putting this out there because sometimes, people who have served their purpose (or serve no purpose) we hang on to for too long. At times, we can get caught up in how things used to be rather than how things are.
I was having this discussion with someone I knew back in high school; how her perception of our bond was mad different from my perception. It wasn’t that she was a bad person or that I was a bad person. She and I were just in different places. Her view of friendship was one way; my view of it was entirely different. She thought we were still the greatest of buddies; I felt through her own actions, she had severed any closeness we had in the past.
You can just outgrow people. You can find out a person isn’t right for you. Not saying the person wasn’t ever right for you…maybe she was just the person you needed at the stage of life you were at. But now you are at a different stage.
I’m thankful that I have to do the elimination process less. Before, it seemed I was doing it all the time, but in my experiences, the more people who try to come close to you, the more drama. I do better with less, and although I’m not opposed to having new people approach me, I am cautious.
My true friends have earned theirs. I’m definitely no picnic...lol.
Debating, should I include this next thing on this blog?
Nah, I think it deserves its’ own special spotlight.
PS...for you know who, being a true friend is telling you what you need to hear, not always telling you something you like. It's not out of disregard or disrespect. Disrespect would be me seeing you go down the same road I went on and not warning you of the danger. Now, if you do it anyway, it's on you, but the fallacy will not be because I didn't try to be a good friend.