A combination of things that have happened in my life have forced me to look at some things...to look at some beliefs. And while some of them are indeed valid, others I am discovering are myths. Myths that I no longer should be or need to be believing in.
So I figured what better way to get rid of them than to throw them in my Witch's Brew. I hear it makes excellent seasoning with chickenheads.
Myth No. 1: The love you give out to a person will be returned to you tenfold by that person.
I'm not saying that you should not give love out to the universe. The thing I am saying is the automatic assumption that you will get the love back in return from the person that you gave it to. It's not an absolute.
Most of the time, I give out the love, compassion, and friendship that I would like to get back. But the reality is that not everyone's view on love and friendship are the same. Sadly, to some individuals, love and friendship are just words, politically correct phrases to hide their true characters.
But for me, these traits are not just words, they are actions. And actions do say a lot.
A lot of times, I would feel upset--for giving out all this attention, this consideration, this love to people and not getting the equivalent. There were a couple that didn't even give me a thank you.
I always try to think about different scenarios. Or try to put myself in someone else's shoes, like how would I feel if I had to go without "such and such" or had to "deal with such and such"...I feel like it makes me a step above sympathic, but empathetic as well.
But then, I had to take a good look in the mirror and see that I couldn't take all the venom out on them. They were only reacting based on how they actually are. I can't look at those people and think that resemble another me, much less have my traits, my passions, and desires.
The blame was mainly on me--exuding this energy towards the wrong people. Radiating this passion with hope in my subconscious that these people represent the mirrors.
But 9 times out of 10, they don't.
But as a woman that tends to have a savior/superhero/nurturing type complex, it gets hard to draw the line between what a good friend is supposed to do and when it becomes a bit too much, if you are doing too much. If what you are doing makes you look like a friend or whether it makes you look like a fool or pathetic for the extention...
Because some see your help as weakness and ride it for all that it is worth, acting proud to have such a find, but laughing behind your back...like you are some type of shuga mama.
And in the end, encouraging that type of dependence, but rush on a friendship that could have been shining or acid on something that wasn't pure to begin with.
So now that I'm plopping that myth into my Witch's Brew, I'm stepping on to Myth #2:
Myth #2: Love should have no limits.
Okay, I know I may get a lot of flack for this one. But too many people have abused this whole concept of limitless love. And in my dealings with people, more often than not, those folks do not deserve limitless love.
I've been there, done that. All it had me doing was questioning my worth as a human being, my strength as a woman.
So based on my experiences, I think there should be a limit.
If you are loving someone so much, you or your kids are going without a roof over your head, no decent clothing on your back, and no food to eat, there has to be a limit.
If you are loving someone so much, you are blaming yourself when he beats your ass for not giving him sex right away, when you called him at 5:32 instead of 5:30, when his definition of a tattoo is the imprint of his rings on your body, there has to be a limit.
If you are loving someone so much, you are telling yourself it is okay for you to be monogamous when your partner has made it clear that he is not, there has to be a limit.
If you are loving someone so much, he is bringing home diseases and putting your health at risk because his dick can't seem to stop switch hitting with no protection, there has to be a limit.
If you are loving someone so much, you blame yourself for him playing Russian roulette with your head in the form of putting a gun to your temple, there has to be a limit.
If you are loving someone so much, your happiness is based on his happiness and you are nothing without him, there has to be a limit.
The two individuals you should be loving limitlessly are God and you. No buts. No exceptions, that's it.
And besides if those examples above you thought were declarations of love, for those that are in the situation, it is, but it's really not.
For the love we really should be looking for does not lie in any of those things, nor any of those examples. Love lies in Him and in you.
Myth #3: Looking good on the outside makes you feel good on the inside.
In some cases, yes, but I'm talking about something deeper.
I am talking about this condition where people believe if they dress in high priced clothing, drive around in a BMW, but on Section 8 housing that they are doing good.
I'm sorry...you're not.
I am talking about this condition where you are wearing gold and platinum, yet your house is full of past due notices on bills, your car is about to get repo'd, and you're about to get evicted.
And if you are dressed up in Baby Phat and Ecko with nails and hair done, but your kids look like something in Children of the Corn or looking like spokespersons for Christian Children's Fund.
That shit pisses me off!
First off, when I have children, they will be looking fine as me or finer than me. They don't even have to wear all the designer shyt. In the beginning stages, it's more important that it is affordable, yet durable. You know why? Because they grow so fast, that it isn't worth spending all that money in the early going.
But you should never have anyone saying, "Dang, Monica looks good, but her kids look like shit...."
Uh uh, not ever!
They better say we all look like we came out of Essence magazine, fa sho!
Secondly, if one is going to wear all of this high priced stuff, why not have the high priced dwellings to go along with it?
I see it way too often, folks got Cadillacs with rims on them, but they are living off government money. The people that need help can't get help because there are too many corrupt folks in our system (not just my people, but we got Hispanics and whites abusing it, too..although all the news wants to talk about is US....)
You don't see Bill Gates, in his dockers and polo shirts, blinging all over the place. He is diversifying his portfolio, investing in stocks, probably has houses for all four seasons spread out all over the country.
I say all that to say all this---It's better to look rich AND be rich than to just LOOK RICH.
Cause all it takes is something foul to happen to you and next thing you know, the look of rich can be gone...but if you are so filthy rich that you can't imagine what that amount of money looks like, then in that case, you are doing GOOD!
Enough seasoning for now!