Tuesday, September 6, 2005
Flows Under Cutting Karma
Flows Under Cutting Karma (this goes out to YOU)
(YOU being the haters, under-estimators, bigots, rumor spreaders, gossip folks, wanna be real but really fake, thinking you know me but you made a mistake….)
(but even if it ain’t YOU , I got some stuff on my mind, so here it go…)
What does it take to really know someone?
A brief time to a lifetime
And how long does it take for your mind
To change about someone
Usually, only an instant.
I was never really one to understand how one invests the time and energy to build something that could lead to something beautiful and how too much talking from the wrong mouths can mess up everything, but it does—and it is a lot harder to put things back together as good as new or even better than it is for it to have been good in the first place.
The folks that always claim to know me
Never really knew me at all;
They think because my energy is universal
That if my energy touches them
It is automatically special…
…but that is like saying
that just because we all human beings
I should automatically like you.
And we know, deep down,
That it’s a rarity for someone
To like everyone.
I am no exception; I don’t like everyone. I don’t talk to everyone. Everyone is not allowed close to me. I still have the power to limit who I let near.
If my boundary is disrespected, I have the right to delete you, not because of hate for you but because I have more love for myself than any hate I could muster up for you or anyone .
That is the lesson I have come to learn—the fact that this interactive instrument, the Internet—is both a gift and a curse. The gift for so many people around the world to connect without even leaving their homes and yet never really truly knowing how big or small the world is. It is too easy to live one way on the online world and another way on the offline world.
And the few I let near have different levels of special-ness; different reasons why I connect with them—some can be because of conversation, because of poetry, or just because we like the same type of music. Connections can be as simple or as profound as you would like them to be—it’s up to the people involved to see how much stock they are willing to invest.
If I feel like you are worthy of the honor to be in my life in some capacity (yes I spit it like that because I had too many fake, wanna be down but are really clown-like skeezers, bitches, bozos, and bums), then I will let you closer. I don’t have time for games or bullshit; life is too short and too precious.
So if you are pissed, be pissed.
I will not feel guilt for your sorrow or for your tainted perception of me because of what all has been whispered in your ear. That is how drama gets perpetuated; that is how the soap opera that gets associated with women and types of relationships begin.
Cause the way I see it is this, if you aren’t woman enough to just simply ask, then you weren’t woman enough to be connected with me on a deep level in the first place.
Don’t claim to want real and true when you believe the first phony and false that comes along—doesn’t that make you..can we say…hypocrite ? People make the simple so complicated….
The old me would try to do analysis on the shit and try to make it seem like I am a bad person because I am not the person you perceived me to be—but I never lied. You lied to yourself about your view of me, and I won’t be responsible for your conclusions.
The old me would spit back with revenge and venom, but that was years and years ago.
I have evolved and I am oh, so past that, and you are not worth my energy…
But I thank you for serving as a catalyst to help me even more clearly define what I will not tolerate, and believe me bullshit is not gender specific….
So thank you to anyone who has ever misjudged me, came to your own conclusions, and decided to kiss me goodbye because jealous folks decided to diss me. All of you serve as life’s education and will just make me an ever better person.
…and if you have nothing better to do than to wonder about me, I must be pretty fucking significant or your life is pretty boring, either way, I wish you….