Sunday, February 18, 2024

Resuming Happy 2024: My 2023 Recap (Parts Two and Three)


Greetings to all. For those of you who may be wondering why this has taken a moment to post, please refer to these entries: Reflections, How a Garden Grows.

Got it? Good. Let's get into it.

May - August 2023: The Quarter of Tumult

Nothing could have predicted what happened just over a month after we moved into the house.

Could it have been averted if we had decided to go our separate ways?

There was no way one could be certain.

The way that rent (heck, mortgage) prices were rising, not just in 2023 but even now, makes it difficult for one to live independently. What was one price (even before the pandemic) is higher because of inflation. 

Whatever choice would have had risks either way.

My roommate got the news that not only was she going to be put in a new position, but she was also going to receive fewer hours. This could not have come at a worse time. At the same time, she had appealed a court ruling and the date was coming up in June. Although she had hopes that she'd receive the money (because the lawyer was optimistic), I couldn't get happy over funding that I couldn't see and was already in the process of seeing if there were unnecessary expenses that could be cut or other ways to get money.

As time went on, the instability caused friction and ate away at me. I went through bouts of anxiety and depression. I didn't have the motivation to stay consistent with the activities that would help because my brain became consumed with ways to bring in income. Not to say that my roommate wasn't trying, but with so many attempts and misses, I confess to becoming angry and borderline disgusted. Eventually, I signed up for independent gigs that wouldn't interfere with my primary employment, but started to become exhausted giving up my Saturdays while working overtime at my primary job. Yes, I was working overtime ... excessively. I stopped taking care of myself, and by the time quarter three began, I hit burnout.

September - December 2023: The Quarter of Turnaround

In September, a few days before my birthday, I had an unfortunate incident at the second gig that made me take a step back. I was burning the candle at both ends. I was feeling resentment for even having to take a second job, remembering how debilitating it was to my health many years ago. I had to be honest with myself that it just wasn't sustainable to keep going at this pace. I tapped into what I deemed as the last resort. The last resort came through, and after lots of looking, she finally found a flexible second job.

Getting back to a good place mentally ... a slow trek. Yet, getting out of the many months of instability was a wonderful jumpstart. Most of the doctors I spoke with were very understanding as to why my numbers and progress weren't where they expected them to be or needed them to be. I know that I can bounce back; I just know that it may take a while.

October was pretty exciting. Overtime finally concluded. I found a Halloween outfit that I really liked, which could also double as an everyday dress.

In November, I began thinking about being in the Holiday spirit after all.

In December, I got lights, a Christmas tree, and decorations. I felt relatively well until the week before Christmas. My roommate got the 'Vid from her 2nd job. I eventually ended up getting it just days before Christmas. Despite it all, I think Christmas turned out rather well.

Okay ... okay ... okay, I will answer the burning question: Did I find love in 2023?

The answer in a nutshell: No. I did have a meet and greet (which one person counted as a date; I didn't). I also had a pre-date. But ... how I'd define a date, no.

I did put myself out there. I didn't make my profile extra complicated or wordy. I didn't make extra demands about what I wanted and didn't want (apart from smoking). I concluded through conversations with people that I could eliminate them if they didn't align with other attributes I felt were important.

Some people wanted too much right away. (We talked for thirty minutes; now we go together.)

Some people always wanted to text but constantly made excuses not to talk on the phone. (For me, that represents not moving the needle, and it makes me question if you want to mean in real life.)

One person stood me up but then got an attitude when I was highly hesitant about meeting up for the reschedule.

A couple of people were annoyed that I couldn't meet right away. (What can I say? I like a person who is considerate and puts thought into meeting someone, especially someone brand new.)

Some people ... well, we just weren't compatible on communication, conflict resolution, or lifestyle. If we were cool enough, I left the friendship door open (which I don't do with everyone), but the trend of the modern day is to consider "being friend-zoned" an insult, which I don't understand due to my philosophy on friendship and how high I rank my friends.

Okay, that's all the reflection on 2023 I'm going to do. Now, off to see what 2024 has in store.

No comments: