The Layers of Chronic Illness: Part Three

 

Hello. The Unleashed One here. I hope that everyone is having a good day thus far, wherever you may be. Today, I continue speaking about the Layers of Chronic Illness. For those who may need to play catch up, here are the links to the previous two entries:

Part Two

Part One

Okay, so 2018.

In 2018, I made the decision to rejoin the gym. At that time, my main focus was to "firm" up some of the loose skin that had surfaced based on some of the weight loss that occurred during the time I was ill. At that same time, I was in search of a new primary care doctor. The search engine in conjunction with the insurance's website was a bit daunting. How could I choose a doctor? Proximity didn't guarantee effectiveness. Just because one was a woman didn't automatically equate understanding. Should one seek reviews from others, similar to how one would read reviews at a restaurant? If so, not many individuals were leaving any feedback. 

At the time, it was overwhelming. However, I still had the referral from my old primary care doctor to the endocrinologist. She said that he was one of the best in the area. I did my research on him and there was positive feedback on him. The customer service aspect was a bit spotty and what people complained the most about. About him specifically, it was primarily good things.

I set up an appointment with him. I braced myself for receiving the same old song and dance about sticking to the metformin.

To my surprise and pleasure, he agreed that the metformin wasn't working and that we should implement a new strategy to not only get my diabetes under control but something to help with my cholesterol.

In the past, I had been placed on three different medications. After having adverse reactions to all three, I was leery of being put on anything else. Yet, he spoke to me about this new medication on the market, and he thought I would be an excellent candidate since my LDL (that's the bad cholesterol) was all out of whack.

I had never heard of the medication. Nor the one he wanted to put me on for diabetes. I was tired of being on the same old stuff and not getting any results. If he was willing to take a chance on these medications, I would jump in and take the chance as well.

The main thing I don't (and do not like) about the cholesterol medication was having to inject it. One can stick the medication in the arm, leg, or abdomen, but because there is a bit of pain after administration, I opted to deal with alternating between the left and right sides of the abdomen. The diabetes medication was a combination of two: part Metformin and part Januvia. We would do blood work every three months to monitor my progress.

In addition, he made suggestions about cardiovascular activity and changes to my eating habits that would involve less sugar, fewer starches, and more fiber. ⇦ Remember this, because it will definitely come into play as I progress more into my story.

At work, I got information about a program that would provide a primary care physician. It was affiliated with one of the hospitals in the area. Because I had not taken out the time to peruse the insurance website, I figured this would buy me some time until I made a definite decision about who I wanted to trust with my primary care. I wanted someone close to where I lived. Unfortunately, that doctor was booked to capacity. Therefore, I went with the next best thing: a physician close to my job.

Although I had a specialist handling my diabetes, there were two other issues lingering from the Super Flu: the cough (which I named Clingy) and chronic constipation. Since using laxatives occasionally was still working at this point, I mainly went to this doctor to get a handle on the cough.

She kept treating it as if it were infection-related. None of the things given to me worked. I'm not saying she was a bad doctor. She definitely wasn't the nightmare I experienced previously. However, I believed we were going in circles as it pertained to my care. It felt like a waste of time.

How bad was the cough? The cough was always consistent. Like, every hour on the hour, I was coughing. At night, the coughing was so bad, it would rouse me from sleep. I even had spells when I threw up. However, the only moments I did not cough as much (even stopped coughing) was when I was working out, especially doing cardio. It was like Clingy the Cough knew to cut the shit.

I tried over-the-counter remedies. I tried DIY remedies. I was placed on medications to clear out viral and bacterial issues. I was put on medication for acid reflux. Still, Clingy the Cough persisted.

I still wasn't sold on finding a new PCP yet but I did want to find a specialist. Maybe I had an allergy that was the culprit. Fortunately, within walking distance, there was a location that had an allergist and a pulmonologist. Since my insurance did not require a referral, I made the appointment.

I was given an allergy test as well as a breathing test. The breathing test concluded that I had asthma, which started me on the hamster wheel of asthma medication.

Source
 Fight.org

How many of these were tried on me? Let me count the ones ... sigh. I don't remember the order in which they were tried on me, but I recall all the different packaging.

ProAir

ProAir RespiClick

Ventolin HFA

Flovent

Flovent HFA

QVAR

Advair

Breo

How many of those provided any type of improvement or were effective? Don't worry. I will wait.

In the words of Greg Doucette, "a zeeeeerrrrroooooo". That's right. Eight different medications. No quieting the unstoppable Clingy. 

There had been no call for any further investigation, like checking my lungs or chest for any inflammation. It was just, "Let's try another inhaler. Maybe we just don't have the right one."

At this stage, it seemed to be a dead end. I did not want Clingy to be a permanent passenger, but none of the costly methods were doing anything to give me a temporary reprieve. 

Temporary reprieves at night involved my using a dehumidifier with some essential oils. As far as any medicinal relief, nada.

The end of 2018 marked the end of my visits to the allergy and pulmonology center. I decided that 2019 was going to mark a new beginning. Although my endocrinologist was a keeper, everyone else needed a complete overhaul.

I think this is a wonderful place to pause. Stay tuned for part four. 

True Reflections: A Twin Flame Story

 

Greetings everyone! The Unleashed One here. I'm taking a pause from "The Layers of Chronic Illness" to do some Spirit speak. 

As many of you are aware, I was introduced to the concept of All Authors by Y. Correa. Because of All Authors' mission, its original one and its new one, I wanted to be a part of it in any way I could.

First, it was by sharing articles here and there on All Authors Magazine (now Quixotic Literary Magazine) before taking a deeper role as being an integral part of the organization. It's cool that I have a title, yet my passion is in the write and being of assistance to fellow writers.

What many of you may not know is that the connection between Y and myself goes deeper. I am not speaking of romance, although in society, that is one of the first images people conjure.

Personally, I know it fires Y up each time the question is asked if we are romantically involved.

As for me, although it is expected, I also find it disappointing that people are unwilling to expand their minds before automatically delving into that think space.

When I was seeking avenues for promoting Reflections of Soul, the way Y and I interacted symbolized a Kindred Spirit connection. Writing was (and still is) our shared interest. It went beyond producing great literature. We also wanted to support others striving to do the same thing. 

Over time, we got to know each other personally and discovered that we had experiences that connected us on a deeper level than just our writing aspirations.

I rarely use the word friend. It is a title that has to be earned. As I've said in the past, more people consider me their "friend" or "best friend" than the other way around.

However, with Y, she felt like a best friend, although I had not uttered the words to her. We graduated from Kindred Spirits to Soulmates.

Funny enough, she and I hadn't even met in person. Lots of online chats. Plenty of emails. Plenty of phone conversations. Neither one of us are into video calling, although she's way more open to that than I am. The closeness was inexplicable and one of the rare times in my life, a level of connectivity I did not question.

When we finally met over six years ago, I would have preferred it to have been more favorable circumstances. No one wants to see a friend go through trauma or hardship. It was my now ex-husband who came up with the idea, and strangely enough, it was one of the smarter suggestions he had.

I still had some anxiety over how it would pan out, but I tend to have anxiety to some degree with new situations. After getting over the aggravation that happened with the rent-a-car and running late, I finally made it to the airport. When I saw her, the anxiety flatlined.

All of those signs I felt. I never experienced the embodiment of that with anyone else, yet with the way we interact, it's the only explanation that makes sense. A person who is your Twin Flame does not have to be a romantic counterpart. Not saying that a person can't be. I just know it isn't that for me.

Visually, we don't look anything alike, but we are reflections of each other.

If I'm not mistaken, this was 2015.

I gave Y the nickname "Roo" because she reminds me of a Kangaroo. She is full of energy and eager to hop from one goal to the next. Eyes wide, always big picture, filled with a zest to improve, encourage, and help the whole. She has gone through some of the worst travesties in life, but there was this fire always burning. 

To see that fire of spirit all in stature of five feet was incredible, inspiring, and healing.

It made me want to be an even better version of myself because I realized that external circumstances had come together and stifled out an inner light I once possessed in abundance.

During that time, I operated as if happiness, joy, architectures of fulfillment were like clothes you only wore to special events, instead of comfortable underwear that you wear every day. I had gotten into that sunken place of moving and doing without even thinking of what purpose it served. An autopilot of mediocrity.

My marriage was not going so well. However, I was not the type of person who ran when the going got tough. I was accustomed to trying to make a way so that operations could resume as normal. The toxicity of the "don't give up" and "ride it out" is when you are doing your damndest to save something and that very person doesn't even want to save what you're fighting for. 

If I had not met Y, I probably would have stayed in that predicament for the long haul. I was taught that marriage was for life. I was taught that you stick it out through "sickness" and the "bad" as well as "health" and the "good".

What do you do when he doesn't stick it out when you're sick? When your Twin Flame knows more about how to care for you when you're sick than the person who made vows with you? When your mate prefers to save other people than to show up for his marriage?

This type of misery could not possibly be what The Universe had in mind for me. When the negativity of events reached its apex, I imploded and exploded simultaneously. He left, and I packed all remnants of his existence in a matter of hours. On my birthday, nonetheless.

I struggled, emotionally and mentally more than monetarily. At one stage, I got counseling to work through the most difficult part of the trauma I experienced with my ex-husband. I was in a relationship but that didn't last long. But through it all, Y remained.

2019

Over the years, I think we have rubbed off on each other. I have soaked in a bit of optimism (although I am still more of a realist), and I have dared to look at the big picture as well as minute details. I can take moments day by day and I don't always have to plan everything out (though I still love doing so). I think she even possesses the secret to weight loss 😲😁😁😄. 

Hey, I'm just kidding about that one ... reference my older blog post for that story.

Present Day

Just like reflections can show the best, they can also show the worst.

I know that at my worst ... when I've had my fill of everything, I go dark. I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be around what's familiar and not branch out any further. The TV becomes an escape. The bed is an oasis. 

Y has been there through the darkness. She has also seen where they have become lighter in intensity and shorter in length.

She is fighting her own darkness. In this case, it's become an expanse ... a thick fog that threatens to block the light. It weighs heavy on her, in all aspects of her life.

However, just because I am in a different place emotionally, mentally, and spiritually doesn't mean that I will not be a warrior for her, as she has been for me.

It's not a Virgo thing; it's a Flame thing.