In my life I have had three types of eX's:
- The kind I should have never gotten involved with
- The kind I got involved with but we were better off friends
- The kind where you wonder "what if"
The kind I should have never gotten involved with is relatively simple. That very element you thought served as a main source of connectivity was fragile at best. Maybe what was supposed to be just sex turned into something more and no one had the guts to call a spade a spade. The latter statement didn't happen to be all that much, but the first statement--more times than I really want to admit. This type of eX is the one I'm happy to slam the door, lock it, and throw away the key.
Then there's the kind where since he and I got along very well as friends, it could easily transfer over into relationship love. I know there are many people and songs out there that claim the best person to be in a relationship should be your friend first. Yet I'm a testament that it doesn't always work out. This type of eX is the one where the door is slammed and locked but every once in a while, I might use the key. The whole "hey it's been a while; how are you?" type thing. Nothing like the old friendship of before. I don't care what people say--if you get romantically involved and go back into the friend zone, it just feels different.
Last but certainly not least, it's the kind where you wonder "what if". It's the situation where the two of you were great for each other, yet other things got in the way. One partner had a hard time coping with a life event. One partner can't deal with long distance. The break up was pretty amicable and you both manage to stay in touch from time to time without it feeling too awkward. Both of you have separate lives, even maybe in other relationships--yet there's this nagging feeling of "what if".
I try my best not to look back. The way I see it, there's a reason the relationship didn't work out. Even if the outside factors didn't come in to play, there's no way to know (especially if many years have past) whether the eX of now is compatible to the me of now. I'm not saying friendship with an eX is impossible but one has to be focused on the why of the matter--to make sure friendship is truly what each wants instead of recapturing feelings of days gone by.