Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The Un-sexy Chronicles V: The Assumption That PEP Should Always Equal GPP

Un-Sexy Chronicles V:  The Assumption That PEP (Persistent Expensive Payout) Should Always Equal GPP (Guaranteed Poonani Payment)

No, I’m not talking about Economics class, although this looks to be a formula.  Just follow me a little bit and it will all become clear.


Tyrone has been talking to this lady named Alexis for a few weeks or so.  Finally, the two of them decide to meet.  He wants to make a good first impression, so he treats her to this very swanky restaurant—you know, where you can’t quite pronounce all of the items on the menu. 

The pictures don’t do her justice; she looks way better than her pictures.  Beautiful skin, bright smile, thick in all the right places.  Tyrone is hopeful that it will escalate to many upcoming meetings in his bedroom.

Alexis is digging Tyrone, too.  She admires the fact that he takes good care of his body, has a go getter attitude, and an awesome sense of humor.  However, she has decided that she wants to take her time to really get to know him before letting him sniff the panties.  She is impressed in his refined taste and could definitely get used to this type of dating.

Tyrone continues to spoil Alexis—from treating her to restaurants to gifts “just because”.  He is hopeful that his displays of P.E.P. will guide him to the promised land.  In other words, if he Persistently performs Expensive Payouts on the outings, then Alexis will have no choice but to show her appreciation through Guaranteed Poonani Payment (GPP).

Alexis, however, thinks the lavish spending is his normal thing.  It’s his way of showing that he is interested in pursuing something different and it’s how he normally gets down.  Therefore, because she doesn't see it as him going above and beyond (just being nice), she isn't expecting to reward him with anything other than her company.  To her, it should be payment enough.

Fast forward six weeks later….

Tyrone’s account is getting a bit lighter.  He has grown impatient.  He wonders what more does he have to do.  Finally, he decides to pull out all the stops.  He tells Alexis he has a special surprise for her.  He has a limo come and pick her up.  They go to this dining area which is located just inside a very snazzy hotel/casino.   She is very impressed with this, but she still hasn't quite put two and two together. 

“I really like the ambiance of this place.  The food is absolutely delicious, Tyrone!”

“I’m glad you like the food.  Since you like the ambiance, how about we spend some time at the hotel for a bit?  We don’t have to rush back to work or anything.”

“I’d really like to check out the casino.  That’s an awesome idea!  Maybe I can win some money.”

Before Tyrone could let her know it wasn't what he meant, she was off in the direction of the casino. 

A few hours later and a few dollars lighter, Tyrone and Alexis leave out of the casino.

“Wow, that was fun!  Too bad I didn't win any money.”

“Yeah,” chimed in Tyrone, “you should have quit while you were ahead.  Look, it’s pretty late, so how about we chill at the hotel for tonight and head back in the morning?”

“You’re right,” said Alexis.  “I know it’s going to be a fortune trying to catch a cab, even more of a fortune to try and get the limo back here.”

Okay, Tyrone is thinking.  She’s agreed to the hotel.  She has to know what’s coming next.  I didn't have to cancel the room after all.

They make their way to the suite.  Romantic lighting and soft music is already set up.  Alexis closes her eyes and begins to slowly sway her body to the music.

“Dance with me,” she croons.

Tyrone’s eyes are hypnotized by the movement of her hips.  He’s hard in anticipation of getting between her thighs.  He positions himself behind her and begins to sway along with her.

Alexis feels him throbbing against her and turns to him.  He begins to kiss her, first softly, then more passionately, to leave her no doubt in what he wants.

As much as she is enjoying the kisses, Alexis is still not quite ready to go the next step.  She is having a wonderful time with Tyrone but she feels she needs a little more time.

“Tyrone, slow down…”

“Slow down?  All I have been doing is slowing down!  I don’t want to slow down anymore…”

Alexis walks over and turns off the music.  “What are you talking about, Tyrone?”

“I’m talking about this.  Yes, you told me you wanted to take it easy.  That you don’t put out on the first couple of dates.  I get it.  But we’ve been doing this for about two months now!  How much slowing down do you need?”

“Tyrone, what’s the big deal?  I thought we were getting a chance to know each other…”

“Alexis, the big deal is we've been going to all these fancy dinners, mini shopping sprees, the little gifts, Broadway plays.  You really think I would be putting all this in if I wasn't getting a return on the investment?”

“Hold up!  Wait a minute!  You mean to tell me you weren't doing this just because…”

“Just because what?  Wait, you thought I continuously had ends to be spending like this just to impress some chic?  No, I don’t!  You know how much this suite cost, and you mean to tell me after the mood has been set, you’re still not gone do anything?”

“You got some nerve, Tyrone!  Didn't anyone ask you to do all of this stuff….”

“But no one told you to take it, either!  I don’t know too many men who would spend out all this cash without getting some of that ass; now, since you don’t take hints well, I’m letting you know what’s up.  I want you; I want to be inside you; I don’t want to wait any longer.  Are you down or are you still refusing me?  What’s good?”

Alexis shook her head in disbelief. 

“What’s good is me walking out this door.  You can enjoy the suite by yourself, and better yet, lose my math!  It’s been real.”

Before he could stop her, Alexis walked out of the door and out of Tyrone’s life.

fade to black...

You could say Alexis was a bit na├»ve.  Sure, there are guys who don’t mind spoiling a female, but you have to take time to figure out what type of guy he is.  Is he the type to wine and dine because he wants to or does he ultimately have an agenda?  Did she really specify a timetable in the “taking it slow stage”?  What’s considered a short time for a female may end up feeling like a long time for a man.  It’s unrealistic to expect a man not to have desires.  If he’s dealing with you and doesn't have desires for you, more than likely a romantic relationship isn't going to blossom, but it’s also up to the female to clearly communicate (to be concrete, not vague) as to the type of connection she wants.

Tyrone’s whole dilemma could have been solved with communication as well.  Even if his truth made him sound a little shallow, if he would have made his intentions known sooner, he could have saved a lot of time as well as finances.  Now, he feels like Alexis played him when the truth of the matter is he went in expecting the persistent expensive payout to give him the guaranteed poonani.  He went all in and ended up broke.  He definitely ended up “un-sexy” as well.

Moral of the story:  Just because you spend money on a female doesn't mean she’s automatically going to give up the draws.  One of my most horrific dates was with a guy who considered McDonald’s a restaurant, forgetting the words “fast food” was in front of it and thought because he treated me to the double cheeseburger meal, he was entitled to some cookie.  I do admit to laughing in his face.

1 comment:

Reggie said...

This is true.

Just because you spend money on a female doesn't mean that there will be a flesh payout; which is why many men don't do that.