I posted this a while back in 2006 on one of my older blog spots, but figured I would bring it back for 2011....
The Girl Next Door (intro/background)
Remember when I warned you that she was trouble? That she had done one of my other male friends dirty? But you went ahead and decided to take a chance. You couldn't get past the caramel skin, the full breasts, the slender waist, and the shapely ass. You were like, "No one who looked like an angel could do the devilish stuff you and your boy speak of."
While you were away, she decided to play. I saw her at one of the restaurants I frequent with another guy. I picked up my cell, hit you up, and told you. You told me, "You must be mistaken; quit trying to break us up."
You came back. Things resumed with you and her. So sure of her angelic state it caused your brain to be sloppy--being careless where there should have been caution.
You have this itch down below that you can't seem to get rid of. You call me to confide in me about it--I'm annoyed with you, just telling you to go to the doctor and get it checked.
That when it hit you--that maybe things weren't all as they seemed. Luckily for you, a curable case, but now you knew that she hadn't been with just you.
Situations like this happen more often than not. The friend guy and the friend girl. Real cool. Real close. Talk about practically everything and any thing.
And gradually or it can happen in a day (who knows--emotion has no time table), you start seeing him differently. You notice the cute dimple on the right side. You see how beautifully full his lips are. When you see him in his boxers (yeah, ya'll have seen each other damn near naked or full monty & never did anything), it occurs to you that he's packing quite a bit.
You get to wondering what it would feel like. You start getting wet just thinking about him. but you say nothing to him. The two of you have a good thing. Why mess it up trying to take it to the next level?
You don’t want to be the ones he always bitch about. The ones who played him, or the ones he admit he didn't love. You want to be different--to be an asset to him. You want to be the one where he says, "Not all women are the same; my home girl, she is way different."
And then it tears at you.
If you are such a good person, so different, so refreshing from the chickens he is dealing with, then why can't you have him? Why can't you be the solution to all the pain he has gone through with the others?
So you make gradual changes.
The neckline of your shirt starts to get lower. The jeans slightly more snug around the butt, hips, and thighs. New scent (his favorite scent). And when you two are around each other (the near naked or full monty ), he only sees a hint of material where he used to see all cotton.
He does notice. He says, "Wow, soon I'm gone have to beat off these other niggaz with a stick--lookin all hot and ish."
Little does he know it's for his benefit. Fuck other niggaz.
But she is objective--able to separate her developing "I want you as my man" feelings from her "I'm always gone be your friend" feelings.
Then the whole angel thing came up. He accused her of being jealous. Of not wanting him to be happy. Of being too clingy and selfish. He told her to just leave him alone.
And when she followed his wishes, and the angel was exposed as the devil, he called. She didn't pick up. He left multiple messages; she never called back.
When she saw him coming, she went the other way. One day, he called her name; she turned the volume of her Ipod louder so she couldn't hear him.
Through the anger, she misses him. Through the pain, she still wants him. but how could she even bear to be near him?
He didn't believe her--although in all the years they had been friends, she had never lied to him nor deceived him. She never tried to cock block him--even when they went to the club, she did her thing and he did his. He had dirty danced with hoochies right in front of her and she never acted all funny about it. She was always like, "do you. do your thang."
And clingy--why was it clingy to hang out with your friend, mostly at that friend's suggestion? How dare he say that to her, about her?
And selfish….that's a laugh.
If she had been selfish, she would have said the things she needed to say instead of putting her feelings aside so that he could be happy. Maybe she hadn't been selfish enough--maybe she was to blame for her feelings, for the series of events.
After looking deep within herself, she finally decided to meet with him. He is thrilled, overjoyed--she had never seen him so happy.
He comes to give her a hug, but she puts her hand in front of his chest.
He is confused, but she must do this.
"I can't continue with our friendship as it is now."
His eyes reflect the further confusion along with a mixture of hurt.
"Look if this is about her, I'm sorry I did not listen to you. You're my homie; I should have known you would never steer me wrong…."
But she silences him.
"It's my fault. Instead of opening my mouth, I was hoping you would pick up on things; hoping you would guess. I was in the wrong mode; I should have been in my home girl mode and just spit it."
She waits to see if he's going to say anything; he doesn't, so she goes on:
"I don't know when things changed. I didn't feel this way all along. but I started noticing you. Things that a friend normally wouldn't notice. and then, I did things, hoping that you would notice, and you did notice, but not in the way I had hoped. then the whole thing with ol' girl came up, and you pushed me away. And it hurt not only because I thought we were better than that but because of my developing feelings for you."
He still looks lost.
"sometimes, you guys are so…."
He still is baffled.
"I dig you, all right. From your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your mind…everything. Now it is out there, and you understand why. You understand why things can't be back to normal with us--because those feelings have not gone away, and I don't think they are going to. I don't want to put you in a position where you have to decide to be with me. I want you to be with me because you want to--not because you're in a catch 22 and feel it's only way you can have me in your life."
There is a long silence before he says, "Let me get this straight. You just told me you want to be my woman, but you don't want me to be with you just because you want to be with me?"
"Yes, it has to be mutual. I don't do rebound. I don't do sista on the side. None of that."
"But you don't want to be my friend, either…"
"See now you are getting it twisted. I said I couldn't continue our friendship as it is now. The proximity would be torture to me--to both of us. I don't want things to get complex. Like, what if we hang out in our undies and shyt and something happens…"
"Would that be such a bad thing…"
"Man, that's not the point and you know it! The fact is that there would be this thing--and because we would be friends, we couldn't just speak on it. The whole ambiance would change, and I don't want that discomfort. I don't want the whole fuck buddy shyt either."
He inhales and exhales deeply.
"So what do we do now? I miss you. I miss our time together. I miss being able to talk to you…"
"We can still spend time together, just not as much and not in intimate settings--like late night at the crib or something. We can still talk, but certain things are going to be more sensitive to me than others--now that my feelings are out there. These are the things that I feel should be done in order for us to have a friendship that won't get tainted by the knowledge you now have."
He becomes silent and starts to walk away.
"This is fucked up!"
"How so? You haven't lost me. I'm still your friend. I'm still here. You can still call me and hang out with me…"
"You know what I mean! I don't like this controlled friendship shyt…"
"Then you will do what you have to do, so it won't be like this…."
He turns back around. The intensity of his eyes slightly startles her.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Look, now this is the home girl talking. Quit wasting your time with these skanks! Realize that just because they are pretty on the outside doesn't mean their spirit is. Quit being so superficial--go beyond that. There are plenty of girls that just because they didn't fit your ideal of beauty, you dissed them, didn't even give them a second thought. Quit being so careless with your body, with your life---you only have one. Do you know how pissed off I was when I find out you slept with that ho unprotected? What if the shit hadn't be cureable? You dumb mutha fucka, I could have lost you….!"
He goes to hold her, but she steps back.
"So it's karma--what goes around comes around--what you went through with her and hell, even what you are going through now is payback for the sistas that may have been good for you, but you didn't acknowledge them. Take some time out for you--there is something broken in your spirit that needs fixing--you know your formula is tainted but you keep using the same one hoping to get a different result. Just think about it."
This time, she is the one who walks away.
Some food for thought:
Between men & women, platonic friendships can be possible, but most people don't know or don't want to acknowledge when the line has been blurred or crossed.
And when that has happened, is it usually talked about? In most cases, no. Fear of discomfort, hurt, or having to deal with the feelings, things keep going as they are. No communication as to where things are headed or where things should stand.
Maybe one person is thinking, "friend with benefits."
The other maybe thinking, "we're together."
And what happens when that one person decides to be with someone, and the other person doesn't know what to make of it. The one person is like, "We never said we were together." But the other person is like, "We had sex; doesn't that mean we're together?"
The key is communication, honesty, and ground rules once you've decided where things are going to go--whether it will go back to being platonic, fuck buddy, monogamy or whatever. It has to be discussed.
Listen. Talk. Think. Decide.
It sounds simple, but we make it so difficult.