Sunday, September 3, 2023

The Age of Pleasure


Greetings! The Unleashed One here. I hope everyone is doing well. 

For those of you who are wondering, the clear frames are relatively new, as in purchased this year. I was unsure whether I would like them, yet funny enough, they have become my go-to pair. Initially, I believed the black and rose cat eye frames would win the prize, but that has not panned out.

Before you proceed, I warn all that this is for grown folk. More so the topic at hand, than the language. If you are sensitive to any talk that involves "the horizontal polka", then you can wait for a post that is more your speed, or you can peruse some of the material in the archive. I'll give you about a minute to make your exit.

For those who have remained, here we go.

Is it me, or has everything been over-the-top hypersexualized lately? It's as if what is primarily seen in certain corners of the music industry is the absence of clothing, lots of twerking, nursery school rhyming anatomy lessons (sorry, fans of Sexyy Red), and a braggadocious ambiance of what one can do and needs to do in the bedroom.

Don't get me wrong. Sexual expression in music has always existed; however, in my opinion, it has not always been nearly as vulgar. Like, did I really need to be told that one body part is pink and the other body part is brown ... sorry, every time I think of that line, I burst into giggles.

I honestly feel as if the music that uplifts the hyper-sexualization of women is mainly targeted at men more so than the encouragement of new/woke feminism for women. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with the expression; I'm just saying in an industry that is still male-dominated, women are still playing the man's game to be seen, to be heard, and to be successful.

This is a good lead-in to what message it sends to the everyday woman. A woman who isn't about the life that some of the trending women are perpetuating in their videos. She doesn't have the lace front wig with the perfectly laid edges. She doesn't have the gravity-defying breasts, flat stomach, or ass that may or may have not been chalked up to genetics. She doesn't always have her face highlighted and contoured to the gods, lashes that look like stretchable church fans, or nails long enough to poke one's eye out if you test her. 

Can the everyday woman still be seen as desirable? Does she get her age of pleasure, even if how she defines pleasure is a far cry from what is commercialized?


My relationship with sex (including its components) and how it manifests is convoluted, multi-faceted, and complicated.

I could go into the politics of the desirability between dark skin and fair and light skin, but that would take up too much time and would deviate too far from the subject at hand. Just know that I was seen as less desirable due to my hue. I was given that message early on. 

Weight (which I've talked about in other entries) also played a factor. In my experience with being too heavy, either folks won't gravitate to you because you are perceived as unattractive or they try you because they perceive you as an easy lay or a pity screw. However, if you don't have the perfect proportions of thickness, you also can't luxuriate in the lap of desirability.

A small detour from topic ... take 1

Note: There may be those who say with the right amount of alcohol, anyone can be sexworthy. Yet, I wonder if that sex is really worth it if you want to blame it on alcohol, don't want to remember it, or only want to sneak around in order to get your rocks off. 

For this entry's purpose, I'm speaking of those who don't need extra enhancement and/or have full use of faculties. In a healthy situation, feeling desire lights the urge to pursue sexual activity.

Back to my regularly scheduled entry

Adding to the aforementioned drawbacks, when you come from a conservative background, it is tough to ward off what is told is dirty and wrong when you have impulses that are natural.

Then, adding that certain parameters have to be in place before I even consider having relations with a person, existing as a sexual being has been no picnic.

The following announcement is tough for me to type, but we are grown, aren't we?

I can only count on one hand how many truly fulfilling sexual experiences I've had.

In hindsight, I should have been more vocal on what was going right, what was going wrong, what needed to be fixed ... you get the picture. Yet, the messages I received (both spoken and unspoken) were that those topics weren't talked about.

It would spoil the mood.

I should care more about his pleasure.

His pleasure should be my pleasure. 

It also didn't help that acts of physical touch don't rank the highest as part of my Love Language. It isn't that I lack the ability to tap into it. For the right individual, I go all in.

It's just that my focus was more on the emotional (demisexual) and mental (sapiosexual) compatibility. As I've said before, a person who is intelligent and isn't afraid to speak on a variety of topics or to be a deep thinker arouses me more than viewing a body part. Being able to express emotions freely, authentically, and maturely ... that's winning the lottery these days.

Although I have had bouts of needing my sexual itch scratched, I have found exploring this not worth it and uneventful. Even when we both agreed it would be an "FWB" situation, the other person usually became too invested, which caused the B to end the F, if you catch my drift. 

It's just easier for me not to have that contact with anyone unless we are in a committed relationship. That's just my preference. Even without the other hiccups, it is my empath's preference.

I want to experience my Age of Pleasure.

It doesn't have to be the extreme that is spoken about in music, but I do want to exert more control as to what pleases me and what doesn't. 

I want to be able to talk about sex without the other person assuming I want to have sex. Talking about sex should be normalized and not just be a lead-in to the act.

I need the other person to understand that stimulus doesn't start with a touch; it starts in the mind. I have a very vivid imagination. Also, foreplay is a must.

Yes, I'm getting to the Age where things are starting to go into pause and/or hibernation.

My mind hasn't received the memo. I still get urges, more so since I've been physically active.

Funny enough, my biggest nightmare is waiting years for release, only to be like Lela Rechon in Waiting to Exhale

For those of you who have made it this far, I will not leave you with my typical ... "Until Next Time" for this visual sums it up perfectly. 😆😆😆

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