Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Travel Thoughts: Closer to Acceptance

Greetings everyone! The Unleashed One here. I'm going to share thoughts from my travel on May 29th.

I woke up at 7:15. The sleep wasn't as carefree as the night before. Comfort eluded me. I kept tossing and turning. I decided to have the Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal, reminding myself not to take my vitamins in preparation for the procedure ahead. I didn't have my usual pep but still wanted to have some semblance of routine.

The contacts cooperated, though it took longer than usual. I attempted to do a little cardio on the treadmill, which was a bad idea. Not pushing it, I stopped at the ten minute mark and went back to my room to do stretches to ease the aggravation in the lower back and hips. Once confident the pain was contained, I prepared for my outing, pleased that I would be showcasing the lavender dreamcatcher jewelry set I saw yesterday.

By the time I ventured to catch the Beach Bus, the temperature had increased ten degrees. Luckily I only had to wait ten minutes for the bus. It was pretty empty: air conditioned and smooth cruising. The buses have their own lane and they only get out of them if they are going around people on their bikes or if their routes are concluding. In addition, as long as you have your ticket, you can ride until 6 am the next day. That's cool because I thought that the three dollars was just for one way travel.

I treated myself to an ice cream cone, although I accidentally spilled a bit on the dress. Despite that hiccup, I spent some time on the Fenwick Beach, opting to leave once the atmosphere became busier and I could no longer mute the energies or ignore the weariness of my own body.

Eating places tempted me, but they were either too expensive or too much food for my slight appetite. In the end, I stopped at WaWa and settled for a more robust version of the mac and cheese I had last night, along with the caffeine I lacked this morning.

I tried some Orange Vanilla Coke. It did not taste as bad as I imagined, but it still wouldn't be my first choice. It was like the chocolate slice shaped like an orange, and still, not really.

I am going to have the Pizza Rolls for dinner. If I crave something sweet later, I will just chug the Strawberry Glucerna. I was hoping housekeeping would come by today but it looks like they didn't. My trash cans are rather full. You would think hotels would invest in bigger trash cans.

I was glad for #2 but the pesky bleeding is back. That is adding to my wiped out feeling. I am going to chalk this as an off day and my body needed some recoup time.

I am really beginning to see more of the loose skin on my thighs. These are the things the weight loss advocates never mentally prepare you for.

Am I at the weight I want? Since I pioneered the "feeling" of health and not a quantified number representing arrival, I don't know how to answer this question. Perhaps it is time to go back to eating my "normal" way. What if it doesn't return? What if this changed way is my new normal? What if my body is perfectly okay with having moments of fasting and not feeling like I am starving? I am still trying to come up with not just acceptable answers but truthful answers.

The person in the mirror ... I am getting closer to accepting "her". But I am not fully there. I will be, once the theory that it's a natural progression and not an anomaly is eliminated. Or that this loss has given insight to other medical mishaps. Would I even have this cough had it not been for the dropping of weight? I want to get the procedure over with to get answers and to get my vitamin and supplement routine back in order. How can losing something positive generate such angst?

In some moments, petty thoughts comfort me. Being thankful for cute toes, not claws. Innately knowing that I don't have to advertise a state of being I already am. I was sexy as a Thickum. I do know I still possess it but I do miss the fat when keeping warm.

(sighs) I should have made the fat into a blanket before it disappeared.

More than likely I will turn in early. There's a storm brewing tomorrow. Depending on its arrival will determine if I am doing the movie pretty early or in the late afternoon as original scheduled, then the barbecue.

May tomorrow be full of more energy.


P.S. Definitely getting some coffee in the AM.

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