Day 16: The Day of a Child's Birth (family or close friends' apply)
Reference: Motherhood: A Mind Simmering in Evolutionary Juices
Letter to My Future
I can honestly say I have never witnessed the birth of a child before. However, I do have a few different visions of what my own experience would be like.
I have to let go of the vision that I have to do it perfectly. I have to remind myself that I'm not my mom—that I embody more of my grandparents' traits than hers. I may not have a lot of material things to give but I pray that the child knows my love is worth more than any of it.
Even when getting the confirmation from the doctor, I am still in a bit of shock. It leaps out from the ongoing fantasy in my head into reality.
Oh, my God, this is really happening.
The Sweetie is smiling, grinning from ear to ear. The last time he glowed like that was when he first knew he wanted to be with me, although it took forever for me to “get the hint.”
He's never been hesitant as far as wanting to be a father. He's always been good with children; they seem to gravitate towards him. Even in his own family, he is the one the elders would trust to look after them while they went to do other things.
He can't wait to spread the good news. His mom is excited but has to get used to people telling her, “You are too sexy to be a grandma.”
His brother, not so thrilled. Although he is the older one, he is frazzled because he isn't ready to be an uncle.
My grandma is pretty happy; rest of the family shocked. At my age, they didn't even think I was even going to try and have children. My grandma even remembered my wanting to be finished with child rearing no later than 32. Here I am, three years past the deadline, trying to get the first one to show up. I know the increased risks, especially with my medical situation.
I pray even more than normal.
I become a bit obsessed with rubbing my tummy. I sometimes sing (admittedly off key) but mostly hum to the child as its' growing. I would play music and read to the child as well. The Sweetie would press his face against my belly and rub it, hoping to hear and feel the child kicking.
I find myself hating stairs and also how low my car is. I have to adjust the seat for my growing belly. My breasts are feeling tender and very uncomfortable. Whatever size I had lost due to exercising I had gained back due to my pregnancy. The Sweetie fusses at me because I still act like I can do all the stuff I used to do before the pregnancy but I can't, not as much.
Long dill pickles and strawberries taste very yummy to me. My craving for flavored Popsicles increases. I notice that my thirst is increasing, and although I had gotten used to drinking more water since learning about my condition a couple of years back, desiring caffeine is a beast. I stay true to the course.
I am very thankful that maternity clothes can be comfy as well as sexy. I lean more towards the dresses than the pants. Material that flows is nice. Besides, if I need to use the bathroom, there's less material to pull down (laughing to self).
The Sweetie is knocked out asleep. The baby had been cutting up; it was almost unbearable. She was expected out almost a week ago but was taking her sweet time. From what I hear from my mom, I was the same way. The Sweetie, from what his mom says, was the exact opposite. She says they almost didn't make it to the hospital before he came out.
Just as I was getting out the bed to use the bathroom, my water broke.
Nudging The Sweetie. No movement.
Nudging The Sweetie again; groans, but still no movement.
Finally, I yelled his name really loudly. He's looking around confused. Then, he sees the bed.
He's running around, calling the doctor, calling the hospital. I'm glad that my hospital bag is already packed, along with my phone and charger.
My neighbor downstairs hears the commotion upstairs and checks on us. When he discovers what has happened, he offers to take us to the hospital, since his vehicle has more room.
The pain starts to get really bad for me. I start to question why I wanted to get pregnant in the first place. The cramps I used to have were nothing compared to this onslaught of agony.
I had originally wanted to do this natural but now I wasn't so sure.
Finally arrived at the hospital. Unfortunately, I was too far along to even use drugs to ease the pain. The Sweetie stayed in the room with me. I cursed more in there while pushing than I had the entire time I had been alive. I didn't realize how much strength was in my left hand when I was gripping his hand. He kept rubbing my forehead and kissing me, telling me I was so brave and how proud he was of me. How much he loved me and that I was beautiful.
Kyra Mo'NiQue made her way into the world, crying a bit at first but becoming quiet once she was wiped off and was placed in my arms. It was as if she knew it was me. It was as if she knew it was her dad. I beckoned for the Sweetie to take pictures, although I knew I looked an awful sight. I didn't know he had someone video taping the birth until a bit later. The baby was healthy, and I felt so blessed.
The Sweetie joked, “Okay, time to work on another one.”
I punched him hard in the shoulder for that one.
Day 16, that's a wrap.