Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Day 29~Dear Soul Mate (winks)



29~ Write a Love letter to your soul mate (whether you feel you've met them or not):

Dearest Soul,

 
Before I begin, I would like to ask for your forgiveness.  I know you are looking puzzled as I write this, but this must come first. 
 
Forgive me when I first pushed you away. 
 
I was caught up in my own problems, my own pain.  I was trying to work everything out on my own.  I did not realize I needed help.  I kept trying to be Superwoman for everyone else, not even thinking about who would be Super for me when I got hit with my Kryptonite.
 
Forgive me when I kept pushing you away, after I made the door to my heart slightly ajar.  The regurgitation of my past experience sometimes translated into Fear.  At times, it worked magic, transforming you into the very demons that I was fighting.  It's not fair for you to keep paying for others' mistakes.
 
Forgive me when I project my insecurities onto you..to make things of you that aren't even about you.
 
Even as I write this, I know you have already said, "There's nothing to forgive."
 
That's one of the many reasons why I love you.
 
You did not come to me when I was at optimum performance.
 
When you first came into my world, my body was overworked; my heart, soul, and spirit still shattered by a prior relationship, the longest I had ever had.  You stood on the sidelines, as friend, while I went through two other short lived relationships that took their tolls emotionally, and one, financially.
 
You were my shoulder to cry on; the one who held me; the one who listened. 
 
When you revealed you wanted to be with me, I thought you were outside of your mind.  Do you see this hot mess?  Do you know what you're getting into?
 
I spit off every reason possible why the union could never be.  Yet you weren't buying the no.
 
Then, on top of that, I lost my main source of income. 
 
Just as I was climbing out of my writer's block, I sank again. 
 
I had the worst bout of depression and anxiety I ever had since making the decision to come off my medication (due to not being able to afford it for me and the person I was with; later, because I just couldn't afford it and lost insurance). 
 
I was not the best representative of human, much less someone that should be a person's mate.
 
Yet, you still saw beauty, strength, dignity, and worth.  You still saw the fighter in me when at the low points, I could not see it in myself. 
 
You were there for me when I had to make the tough choices...to cut people loose not necessarily because I wanted to but because I had to for my own emotional sanity.
 
In return, all you asked for was a chance to love me in the hopes that I would love you back.  You didn't ask for money, demand I look a certain way...you took me as I was, flaws and all.
 
I haven't made us a picnic.  At times, I've been the ant making the person trying to enjoy the food miserable.  But you would spray Off and keep it moving.
 
I know this is what true love, Soul Love, is supposed to be about. 
 
Not the stuff you read in Harlequin or in the movies.  But the journey==the highs and the lows.  Anyone can be down with you during the good times.  When things are bad and just keep getting worse, it is a gut check;one doesn't expect a person to stay put.   In my experiences, when stuff got tough, the supposedly "down" got going, quicker than a speeding bullet.
 
But not you.  I thank you for that...for remaining steadfast.
 
I have to take it one day at a time because of my other failed journeys.  Yet you have already told me, "We are going to be together for life.  I'm waiting on you to catch up."
 
Always,
 
Your Queen
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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