Thursday, March 24, 2011
Married Life: An Evaluation
I am what most would consider a unique breed. I am currently 33 years old, have never been married, and I don't have any kids. I get asked quite a bit if there are kids in my future or marriage.
I did have a plan mapped out--to be married by 26 and have all the kids I was going to have no later than age 32...but it didn't turn out that way.
I used to feel bad about things not going according to plan, but not so much anymore.
People think they can marry on the Fuel of Love alone, and that isn't so. It takes a whole lot more than that. When the initial "puppy love, so in-love" feeling fades away, there has to be something to sustain it. You have to be prepared to deal with the bad as well as the good. And all too often, people know how to act or behave during the triumphs but have no clue how to cope with failure or disappointments.
It becomes way too easy to maintain as opposed to address the problems. Certain behaviors, first complained about, grow to become routine. There is so much danger to becoming too complacent in one's relationship, placing so much blame on the other party without looking at one's own contributions to the situation.
There are so many resources to help couples going through problems--much more than generations in the past. Yet, half of the marriages these days end up in divorce. Divorces were less in past generations.
So is it because now we are less tolerant of certain things than generations before us? Or do we have the wrong ideas of what marriage is all about? Perhaps the older ones have a secret that us young folk do not possess.
All I know is that I am very sad to see some of my married friends go through so much pain, and they have to do what is best for them. They will be in my prayers and will be given the strength to endure and to heal.
As for myself, perhaps it is a blessing and not a curse that I haven't taken that walk or given birth...
I'm just going to let things happen.